Choosing the Right Story
by HighViscosity
Summary: Alternative ending to New Moon. The brief phone call of Edward's goes a little bit differently, and it makes Bella realize she's got to start living. Mainly funny, but some angst required for assembly. JacobxBella
1. A phone call

**My one DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything relating to Stephenie Meyer's **_**Twilight**_** Series, or **_**Romeo and Juliet, Jane Eyre, Star Trek, Gone with the Wind**_**, **_**Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Princess Bride, Star Wars, The Wheel of Time, Full House, Bye Bye Birdie, The Music Man, Cyrano de Bergerac, **_**anything Jane Austen ever touched, **_**Doug**_**, or **_**The Phantom of the Opera**_**,**_**The Little Mermaid, **_**or **_**Catch-22, **_***gasp*****or any Dead-Ale Wives material! I thiiink that's everything I referenced.**

**This is my alternative ending to **_**New Moon**_**… it _is_ a comedy, but some angst is required for assembly, so if you read the first few chapters asking yourself "why so serious?" Well... give it time, please. **

**I take the story over at the bit right after Alice comes to find out about the cliff diving incident, and leaves when Jacob shows up before Harry's funeral... then Bella and Jake are in the kitchen and he's just about to kiss her, but the phone rings...I trust you remember the scene. The first few sentences are **_**particularly**_** not mine!**

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The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin, and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek. His dark eyes did not free mine; I was too muddled to react, even to take advantage of the distraction.

"Swan residence" Jacob said, his husky voice low and intense. Someone answered, and Jacob altered in an instant. He straightened up, and his hand dropped from my face. His eyes went flat, his face blank, and I would have bet the measly remainder of my college fund that it was Alice.

I shook my head quickly, managing to recover my composure from the almost-kiss, and held up my hand for the phone. Jacob ignored me.

"He's not here," Jake spat, and the words were menacing. This irritated me, how dare he be so rude to someone on _my_ phone? I could hear the voice distantly on the other line, but I worried that if I didn't take over the conversation immediately, Jake would say something rude.

"Jake, who is it?" I asked brightly, hoping false cheer would diffuse the situation. He just glared at the faded countertop, his arms shaking while he listened to the voice, which cut off for a second when I interrupted.

Jacob paid no attention to me, the jerk, and he seemed to be listening to Alice. But then, after a brief silence, he muttered, "Who do you _think_ it was?"

"Alice?" I guessed, but he wasn't listening anymore. The phone murmured.

"Well, duh! Who the hell else would it be?" The murmuring continued on the other end. What was his problem, anyway? It was _my_phone; what right did he have to be so rude to her, and to swear at me like that???

"Jacob Black, you give me the phone, RIGHT NOW!" I reached for it, both hands wrapping around the faded cream-colored handset, using all my strength to try and pry it out of his fingers. He barely seemed to notice, but suddenly his free hand was around both of my wrists, and he forced my elbows down and back to my stomach, and then firmly pushed me backwards, pinning me to the refrigerator. I was temporarily shocked into silence... This was getting ridiculous. I glared at him.

The voice on the other end spoke again; I wished I knew what was happening. Whatever it was, Jacob kept getting angrier.

"Yeah, and what's it to you, bloodsucker?" he practically grunted. A pause. "Well come on down if it bothers you so much. My pack will enjoy making kitty litter out of you leeches."

"Alice, he's being a jerk and wo---"

A big quivering hand covered my mouth, and now he was cradling the phone against his shoulder, his arms crossed awkwardly across both our chests. That was it! I was through just letting idiot men take control over me. This _boy_ had no right to keep me off my own phone. He had no right to hold me hostage, either.

As I tensed to knee him as hard as possible, that beautiful voice of Edward whispered in my ear maddeningly, "Not wise. He's close to snapping. Stay still." My breath caught, and my head, steadily shaking beneath the quivering hand of an unstable teenaged werewolf, instantly recognized the sensible advice. I behaved. Alice would just have to come and see me as soon as the coast was clear of my idiot friend.

"No, _Doctor,_ actually she's not," Jacob said abruptly, his voice trembling with the same fury that was shaking my entire skull. Carlisle? I was incredibly confused. "I want you to send a message to Ed--- HIM. You tell him never to come back, do you hear me?" He was shouting now, it hurt my ears. "You tell that bloodsucker that if I ever so much as dream he's come back, I will tear him apart personally. And I'll take my time."

He paused to take a breath, and I struggled vainly against his hold. I had become frozen at the mention of Edward's name, the hole inside me threatening to swallow me...but poor Carlisle, having to hear that tantrum. I was furious with Jacob, and I was desperate to talk to Carlisle, to keep Jacob from telling anything about... the way I was... before. It was much worse than any feeble threat of Jake's---he wouldn't have a chance, and the Cullen family knew it.

I decided to stomp on one of his monstrous feet, hard; it seemed a safer option than my previous plan-no hallucination whispered any other suggestion, anyway, so I went ahead with it.

The big jerk didn't even wince, and I was digging down with my heel, stamping with all my weight. I started trampling with both feet, and he finally took notice of my feeble attempts. He swiftly took away my last form of attack by lifting one foot casually, and laying it on top of both of mine. He wasn't hurting me, it was simply meant to incapacitate.

More murmuring from Carlisle... and he was cut off again.

"Yes," Jacob snarled, and then he took a steadying breath, inhaling slowly.

"He broke her." A long pause, and another shuddering intake of breath. "She almost died because of him, because of what he did to her. And all this time…I nearly had everything straightened out. With this mess, we'll have to start all over."

He snorted then. "If your filthy bloodsucker of a son had really known her... if he'd had any heart at all, he would never have left her. Not like that. Not if he had loved her..."

That started the waterworks. Tears bubbled from my eyes and dribbled down my cheeks. Agony took the place of anger. It wasn't as if Jake was lying, I just couldn't bear to hear about it. To fully realize that the whole time, all those months, I had thought I was hiding my pain from everyone, when I hadn't fooled even one person. It was awful.

Jacob looked down when he felt the droplets on his palm, and he released me instantly. The hand holding my wrists moved to the phone, and he took a step back. I blinked slowly, trying to clear my vision, and then I looked up into his face. Our eyes met. That furious mask had completely disappeared without a trace. I could tell, even with everything still blurry, that he was crying, too.

"... the way I love her," he finished, his voice sounding choked and strained, desperate instead of angry.

The room went silent. Neither of us looked away, and I was afraid to blink. Until this moment, it had never occurred to me that he might actually l_ove_ me. Love... not just infatuation. Not a crush. _He's not a boy_, I realized.

There was a tension between us that I had never noticed before. As if, even in this tiny kitchen, we were too far apart. Something was pulling me towards him, needing me to comfort him. I knew intrinsically that if I could just make him feel better, that I would be healed, as well.

"My poor Jacob," my lips mouthed, unable to make the words resonate, incapable of breaking the hush that filled the room. Instead, I took a hesitant step forward, reaching up towards his face with one hand, and tried to smooth away the tears I had caused. He was doing the same, at that same moment, a rough thumb gently wiping at my damp cheek. We would have chuckled at the synchronization any other time, but neither of us even smiled. This was not funny. This was a shared ache that only we two could ever understand.

He sniffed quickly, trying to clear his voice, and backed into the kitchen table, as far from me as the phone cord would take him. He stared resolutely at the floor now, trying to regain composure.

"I wish I had a picture of what she looked like then, when she first came out of the woods... so you had an idea of the wasted shell she became. She forgot how to smile... stopped listening to music, or reading. Charlie didn't know what to do. She wouldn't let herself be happy, not for months. I don't know why she didn't kill herself..." His voice became so quiet now I could barely hear it.

"Oh Jake," I sniffled quietly. What could I say? I didn't know why, either.

"You tell him..." Jake began again fervently. His eyes had been trying to burn a hole in the floor, but now they locked to mine, with an intensity I had never experienced.

"Tell him that I found a piece of the heart he ripped out, and it's mine now. I won't be giving it back."

The phone dropped from his fingers and hit the tile floor with a dull thud before snapping towards the wall, pulled by its elastic cord. Another crack sounded when it slammed into the cabinet, where it bobbed up and down a few times before finally laying at rest.


	2. Rain drops

The room was silent again. There were too many thoughts shooting through my mind for me to be able to move, or react. Had he really just… said that? It was too much… too much like the pages of some dreadful romance novel I secretly devoured in seventh grade, blushing embarrassedly, but all the while hoping someday my life would be that... What had he just done? Told Carlisle? What would Edward say? … Would he care? What did I think about this? Did this it change things? There were no answers; I couldn't feel anything but shock.

Jacob was suddenly coming towards me. Two steps, and I was almost pressed into the refrigerator again. I could see the intent in his face. I knew exactly what he was thinking. He was going to kiss me, and there was nothing to stop him, this time. A plane crash, maybe? No, that wouldn't be enough of a distraction.

There wasn't even time to gasp in shock as his warm arms wrapped gently around me, pulling me closer to him. I couldn't tense my muscles, or panic about what I wanted. Resistance was futile. So, I looked up into his beautiful dark eyes, and prepared myself for a bleak future of falsified _amour_.

Quite suddenly, he cupped the back of my head and crushed my face into his chest. _What?_

This hug was different from others he'd given me recently; for one, I could still breathe. For another, I never wanted him to let go. The tears started up again, and my arms encircled his waist and squeezed as tightly they could.

He rested one cheek against my forehead and breathed into my hair, which he gently stroked with those long rough fingers I so admired.

"I am so… so sorry, Bella," he was sniffed. A wordless little wail burst from my lips, forcing the noisy tears out more swiftly, and my shoulders shook against his chest. It was all just too much to grasp.

"I didn't want you to hear those things. I'm sorry. I was too angry. I couldn't… I couldn't stop."

He was quiet then, and we just held each other for what felt like seconds, but was probably much longer. There was nothing to be said. We understood each other, Jake and I, in this moment. Nothing else mattered.

A horn blared outside; the abruptness was such that I couldn't help but be reminded of what had almost happened before, when the phone rang. I had forgotten all about the boys waiting outside. Our silent reverie was destroyed.

"Oh crap. Bella…" He squeezed me tighter. "I have to go. The guys… the funeral. Oh man. Oh man…, Harry." His arms released me reluctantly, but I held on for a moment longer. My mind suddenly wrenched itself out of its own self-centered turmoil, and agonized instead over the poor Clearwater family, whose pain had to be a million times more severe than my own.

"I'll come back soon… if you want. Just… just, let me know, alright? I'll understand, no matter what." I let go, at last, and gave him a tiny smile. I tried to make it look comforting, but how was that possible? My hair was a mess, my eyes bloodshot, and my nose was all dribbly.

Did I even want him to come back? He turned and walked silently out the door, wiping away the telltale signs of his own moment of "weakness," so as not to save face with the guys. My eyes watched him go, but my mind was someplace else entirely… without words or formulated thoughts, just flashes of intense emotion.

The tension came back, though, and it hurt. Like there was something… connecting the two of us. I leaned back against the counter, rubbing my raw eyes, and snuffling my nose. I tried to think about the grieving family, to put my priorities in order. After all, their pain was surely much worse than anything I had ever experienced. Even… that afternoon, in the woods.

I took an unexpected step forward, and decided it was in the direction of the stairs. So, up to my room I headed, maybe I'd get some of that reading done that had been marvelously neglected so far. Spring break was pretty much over, after all, and I was running out of time to work on some pretty big projects. My eyes grazed off the familiar and embarrassing school photos Charlie proudly displayed, but when my foot landed on the third step, I locked in on my parents' Vegas wedding picture. Mom, when she was only a year older than me, looking so happy and mischievously excited, like she always did when she was doing something impulsive. Charlie, however, in that ridiculous rhinestone suit… my dad. Sometimes I forgot he could look like that. Look_… happy_. We were so alike, he and I… so unchanging.

But that pain in my chest was getting worse, like the connection I'd felt earlier was being pulled tightly. It kept hurting, more and more… with every step I took away from… Jacob. I shook my head slowly, trying to straighten things out in my mind. It didn't work. He didn't kiss me, right? That was a good thing, so what was the problem?

It made thoughts spin around and round like a roulette wheel, and finally stop… on this link I was feeling. Something about it scratched at my brain; it sounded so familiar. As though I hadn't thought of it myself. What was that thought, the imagery? The complete phrase… I could feel it in there, somewhere. Where did it come from?

"… _it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably_

_knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame…"_

It was from Mr. Rochester, in Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. That gothic novel I had never truly appreciated, because the love expressed by the protagonist was never quite as visceral as I wanted it to be. Too sedate. Where was the passion? Why did she run away like that? So accepting of everything Fate was trying to do to her…, and before that, letting Mr. Rochester torment her. What was Jane's problem?

"Oh. My. God," I spat.

Suddenly, everything was so clear in my mind. Jake wasn't Paris. Edward was not Romeo, and I certainly wasn't Juliet. How much of an idiot could I be? Life wasn't always like the stories. You didn't always end up with the first person you ever loved. Wasn't my own mother testament to that fact? And then, on the opposite end of the spectrum: my poor father, alone for 16 years now, because he just couldn't… no, _would not_ get over my mother. Did I want to be like him?

The clarity was gone in the next instant, and with it went every rational thought I had ever experienced. Somehow, I was freed from invisible bonds, and I felt light as a feather. Running to the front door, I threw it open, and screamed his name as loudly as I could. I wasn't thinking right now; I was feeling. I was going to stop living my life one page at a time. No longer would I wait for the writer of my life to tell me what to do next. Or for stupid men to make the first move.

"JAKE, WAIT!" I was on the little porch now. I couldn't see much of anything in the thick fog and heavy rainfall; I couldn't tell if the Rabbit was gone already. Did I miss my chance?

Jacob's substantial form materialized on the ground a few feet from the steps leading up to me. I ran down them, jumping the last one in my haste, and nearly falling, but Jake was already there, and he steadied me.

"What's wr--" he started to say, but I had already grabbed his neck with both hands and forced his lips to mine. Shock at my sudden ferocity quickly disappeared, and soon his arms were around me again, lifting me inches from the ground. The initial power behind my kiss had been excessive, and at first, our teeth had clacked together and it almost hurt, but then he leaned in closer, and I relaxed into him.

It became soft, and gentle, and warm; exactly like every perfect first kiss I had ever read or dreamed about. I would rather have died than let go of him, but it wasn't my choice to make.

His grip on me loosened, and he slowly pulled his face away. Holding onto my arms, he tenderly touched his lips to mine again, for only a second. Just to see if he could. Then he smiled my smile-- it really was _mine _now-- and whispered, "I'll be back soon."

He tugged my two hands from his shoulders, kissed my palms, and disappeared into the mist. The car engine revved, and I heard it zoom away.

I stood in the rain for a little while, feeling each droplet as it landed on me. Giddiness coursed through my veins, dizzying like a drug. My mind was free from pain, and I started to laugh. Then I raised my arms up to the sky, a wordless cry of "Thank you!" to whatever lay above. I spun around in circles, my face upturned, letting the droplets patter against my face, and I felt them wash away all the pain and waste of the past several months. When I tripped over my own feet, as was inevitable, I didn't bother to get back up, I just laughed louder, for all the world to hear.

I felt joy. For the first time, I finally understood how someone could love the rain.


	3. Dial tone

"I kissed Jacob Black." I felt the thrill go through me. I closed my eyes and relived every second of it… there were only four. My whole body tingled in a most satisfying manner, so I said it again, louder.

"I KISSED JACOB BLACK!" The tingles returned… ecstasy! Then I remembered that I had neighbors, and it had been about 15 minutes since I'd fallen into the puddle in which I was now mired. I didn't care. The glee I initially felt wasn't going away. Crazy thoughts were floating around in my head, like… _Maybe I should go find him, and kiss him again!_ Insensitive; he was at a funeral of a beloved tribal elder. Or, _What if I just stay here until he comes back_? Ridiculous, it would be hours, and… now that I thought about it, maybe the tingly sensations were actually shivers from the cold, and the wet, and not a product of our brief encounter. _Somehow I doubt that…_

The insane jubilation subsided slightly when I heard the first cracks of thunder—thankfully, or I don't think I ever would have moved. After crawling up to the top of the porch, I surveyed myself carefully, and sighed. Going into the house like this was going to mean a lot of mopping in my future. My hair felt like a poorly made bird's nest, and it probably looked even worse, and my shoes were going to be stinky for days. I was covered, head to toe, in dirt, too. A good cleaning up was definitely in order.

The heat of the shower water beating against my skin reminded me of how warm Jacob felt, and I blushed. As if I could stop thinking about him if I wanted to. I laughed. Then I wondered…

"I kissed Jacob Black." I murmured, and I tingled all over again. Well, it was good to know for sure.

After wrapping myself in a towel, I went over to the sink to brush my teeth. First, though, I stared into the fogged mirror and grinned childishly. One finger slowly traced his name across the glass, and it felt soothing, peaceful, right. It was a nice name. I looked at it closely, attempting to divine some sort of hidden meaning behind the letters. I liked the way the there were two Bs right next to each other, and somehow this felt important. My name had a B in it, too. Jacob, Bella. Jacob B. JacoBella. I tittered. Jacob and Bella… sitting in a tree, k. i. s. s. i. n. g. First comes…Oh for goodness' sake. How old was I, again? 18 years old. Not 12. No. I was not going to be a complete fool.

"Okay Isabella, focus." I could do this. I could brush my teeth, dry my hair, and finish cleaning up, _without_ fantasizing over Jacob's lips…

I loaded the brush with paste and scrubbed at my teeth vigorously. I was not going to behave like I was in kindergarten again, and the boy who ate glue had just given me my first marriage proposal… along with my favorite crayon. What was that kid's name again? I spat out the paste and rinsed my mouth. Jared? Hmm. Starts with a J, such a nice letter of the alphabet. Very underappreciated.

I wasn't doing so well with the focusing thing. What a surprise.

Back in my room, I was struck with the conundrum of attire. Jacob was coming back. Should I dress to impress? Should I pretend like it was no big deal? If I wore a really cute outfit, wasn't I being disrespectful to Harry? I opted for casual; it wasn't as if Jake couldn't read my face like an open book, anyway. _He_ knew exactly what it had meant. Wait… did he? Did I?

I tried not to think about anything, and wound up flitting about my closet, rearranging my shirts into a cheery rainbow pattern, though it was missing blue. I didn't pause to think about why, instead I hummed an almost familiar tune. Whatever it was, it turned into _Variations on a Theme on Jacob Black_, because those were the only lyrics that entered my bewitched brain. Surprisingly, they worked well most of the time.

In a sudden wild flourish, I grabbed a fistful of shirts and threw them up into the air. Wow, was I stupid. _Oh well._ I wasn't going to pick them up now. Some had landed on my bed, others on my desk, and then there was a big pile in the way of the door. I closed my eyes and jabbed, choosing articles at random; If was going to act like a little kid, I might as well _look _like one. Surprisingly, my outfit was exactly appropriate. Plain, but kind of cheery with just the right amount of shabbiness. I hopped over the lump of clean clothes and shut the door to my room excitedly. Why had I done that?

It was just a kiss, why was it doing this to me? I hadn't been like this after… after, well... It wasn't like I'd never kissed someone before. I relived the moment again. Had I really almost tackled him? Okay, so it was all a little new, and very different. It had felt so strange, when his face had molded against mine, the way he had been so warm, so soft. Perfect. The perfect you couldn't imagine or write about without readers rolling their eyes and muttering about the impossibility of absolute perfection. They were just jealous.

Gleefully, I skipped down the stairs and glided into the kitchen… Glided, because I had forgotten about the puddle in front of the door, and my rainbow toe-socks provided zero traction. When I didn't fumble my balance, I could have died of shock. That was probably the most graceful thing I had ever done in my entire life, and I was thoroughly disappointed that no one was around to see it. Of course… if someone had been there, I probably would have broken a leg. I'd tell him about it, but Jake was never going to believe me.

The soap for the mop was under the sink. My mind was so fuzzy and useless right now that it wasn't until I leaned down to open the cabinet door that I noticed the phone; it was still off the hook.

All that had happened in this room suddenly came flooding back into me. Did that really happen _today_? I slowly slid down to the floor and clutched my legs to my chest. I picked the receiver by the cord and stared at it. It was a cobra, prepared to strike, to steal away my newfound happiness, leaving me the way I had been before… or worse.

I hadn't thought about it at all, since… well, I didn't know, I guess I hadn't even been thinking about it when it was happening. I had been too angry with Jacob, and then, so shocked. His words at the end… they made me realize I wasn't really seeing him clearly, but that he had known me through and through. I had forgotten the anguish poor Carlisle must have felt on hearing those heinously exaggerated descriptions. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyone's. Not even… well, it was all my fault, really. I was the one who had been so stubborn stupid, convinced I needed to make a martyr of myself. Then I had been so dumb as to try and force the vampire who didn't love me to appear in hallucinations. If I hadn't jumped off the cliff, then the Cullen family wouldn't have had to worry about me. It was all just crazy.

Sitting there, I must have held the phone for a full five minutes, running over the conversation between Jacob and Carlisle over and over. How could I make things right with the Cullens? I didn't want them mad at me; I wasn't mad at them, after all. Maybe Alice could smooth things over. I would make sure they didn't tell… anyone… about the "zombie months."

Eventually I recognized a nagging, irritating sensation. There was something wrong with the phone. Something really obvious… It been at least an hour since Jacob had left, but still… I lifted the receiver to my ear.

There was no dial tone.

"H…hello?"

Nothing.

"Carlisle… are you still there?"


	4. Nothing

**The concept of parts of chapters 4 and 5 were inspired by a short story I read in seventh grade. I have absolutely no idea what it was called. Google has failed me, but please let me know if it sounds familiar.**

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More nothing.

There was someone there, though, I could sense it! Maybe he was over in the next room, saving an orphan from near death with nothing by a paperclip and masking tape, or something equally heroic. I waited patiently for several long moments, but when there continued to not be anything happening on the other line, I logically concluded that he was still sitting there, waiting for me to say the right thing. Well, what should I say? My mind was, as it had been for quite awhile now, completely useless. How do I begin this?

"Umm..." I whispered. Yes, that was a good start. "Don't believe what Jake told you, Carlisle. It's not… it's not true! I'm… perfectly fine." I tried to sound convincing.

Silence was my only answer, but it felt disbelieving.

"Really. I'm okay. I'll be fine. Don't tell… don't tell…wait!"

Things were clicking together again. Why would Carlisle have sat on the phone for a full hour, wait for me come to back, and then not speak to me? Wouldn't he be out… saving lives or something? No… no, he wouldn't be. Not this weekend. Alice had said… what had she said? … and where was Alice, anyway? Wasn't she supposed to come back as soon as Jake left? Jake's gone, when's he coming back? I miss him… Wait! On task. ON TASK. I could do this, I could figure this out.

"I don't understand why you're not speaking to me." Wasn't that already painfully obvious?

"Whatever, fine. I'll just talk." I paused for a long time, hoping he would cave and speak. "I miss you guys. Forks is kind of boring without any vampires, especially for the werewolves…Well, I mean, Victoria's always around for a laugh, but she's not the best conversationalist." My lame laugh was forced out, and my heart clenched with fear temporarily.

The nothing on the other end was curious.

"Yeah… she's out to kill me. Big shocker there, huh? When am I not about to die? Oh… Oh yeah." I winced. "That's important. I guess you found out about the other day, huh?"

Yes, he clearly told me, without words.

"Well. I wasn't trying to kill myself or anything."

Disbelief.

"Come on, Carlisle, would I lie?" Obviously I just had a minute ago. Fine? Yeeeah… I'm so peachy keen jellybean that I just jumped off a cliff, and Alice saw me drowning. I sighed.

"Please… don't tell um, Edward, anything that Jake said." The thought of that was agony.

Nothing.

"He doesn't need to worry about me, he should be allowed to enjoy his freedom."

The nothing felt annoyed. I sighed again. Was he maybe mad at me? Did he think I had abandoned his family, and told Jake a bunch of lies because I was angry? I hope he knew me well enough to know that I would never betray them. But, maybe… That would be just horrible.

"I'm, I'm really sorry about what Jake said. He… well… I mean, he was just… well. Umm." Wow, was I articulate. "Please don't be mad at me… I didn't tell him… anything bad about you. I mean, of course I didn't! How could I? I love you all so much!" My throat caught at the end, and I almost choked, and then my eyes started to tear up. I tried to stop myself from sniffling, but was unsuccessful. Several minutes went by in silence.

I don't blame you, Carlisle seemed to say without words, and I felt some tension leave me. Why wasn't he talking, then? Silence stretched on, and the stupid tension immediately returned, so I babbled a bit.

"It was really nice of Alice to visit me, but boy! Did she surprise me. When she just… showed up like that, I thought it was Victoria! And Jake was so mad at me, but he forgives me now, I think. I wonder where she's off to, anyway… I figured she would be back soon. Maybe she's trying to call you?" I panicked a bit at that idea, and finally drew breath in a deep, steadying breath. Alice might release out incriminating evidence, and that was the last thing I needed. Best to nip it in the bud now.

"So, Alice is probably going to tell you a bunch of exaggerated crap, too. I don't know about you, but I feel like she and Jake are teamed up, trying to make me look crazy." I snorted a bit. Jake and Alice body-slamming after a long soccer game, and high-fiving after a goal. That'll be the day. "So maybe I should set things straight, and then you can convince everyone else...?" What was I supposed to say now?

But the nothing seemed intrigued by this idea. Crud! I tried, unsuccessfully, to formulate a good story.

"Okay, yeah… so there were a few, um, days… there where I wasn't doing so well. Can you really blame me for that? It just hit me really hard. One second, you're in this perfect relationship with this amazing and wonderful Prince Charming, and he has this wonderful family, you think you're going to be with him, and them, forever and ever, and the next…" The next I'm catatonic in the woods and a werewolf finds me before I manage to die from sorrow. Bummer.

"So… then…" Then I had removed every piece of him from my life and turned into a zombie that didn't even eat brains. Then I had stopped letting myself be happy for even one second. Then I had been pretending everything was normal for Charlie, but had failed miserably. I wouldn't be making a very good case for "fine."

"Well, I had no one to talk to about it. I couldn't have myself opening up to my lunchroom crowd; I might have let something slip! It was really uncomfortable, not having anyone who knew. So yes… I stopped hanging out with people. But I did my homework, and went to classes and stuff." Partial truths were always the best route.

"After a, um… little while, though, I started hanging out with Jacob Black." Because I was trying to be as reckless as possible. "And he's a really good person. Oh. And a real jerk. I'm sorry that he was so rude to you. You know those teenage werewolves with their quick tempers…" I tried to laugh, but it sounded very phony. "I'm trying to get him used to the idea of your family as being good, but he's not very, um, receptive, yet." Yes, that was a delicate way to put it.

"But anyway, that's when things started getting a lot better…and then Jake went wolfie, and then he knew about, about… who you were, and that meant he understood why I was so… weird, I guess."

It felt like the nothing really wanted to ask a question. Well, I was no mind-reader, so he'd just have to… to… Then I remembered where Carlisle was. He was out hunting with Esme right now, and he wasn't carrying a phone. Maybe he came back early?

"Is this really Carlisle?"

Surprised silence, definitely.

"Look, okay? I know there's a Cullen on the other line. I can feel it." Who else could it be, if not the good doctor? How to get them to talk, though?

"Umm…oh look! Alice is back! She'd say 'hi,' but that would be rude. She knows who this is, but she's being all irritating and all-knowing, and I'm supposed to guess." Yes. The genius vampires were all going to believe that gem. I really was a terrible liar.

"Well, since she knows who it is, and it would be rude for her to talk right now, I'm going to give the phone to her, and then you can… talk…" I tried to make sounds as though I was handing the phone off to someone else, wooshing of clothing and the like. Reeeally lame.

Zilch. No Academy Award for me, then.

"Okay, fine. Yes, I know, I'm not very creative. Who is this? Please tell me."

Nothing. But… Amused nothing?

I ran through the conversation from earlier today, and I asked myself: why would Carlisle have called my house? Even if he had come back early, he wasn't trying to keep tabs on me. I doubted very much that Jasper had felt a need to alert them of my cliff diving; upsetting Esme as soon as possible wasn't going to make me any less dead as far as he was concerned. Besides, Alice had surely told Jasper all about the mix-up already.

If it hadn't been Carlisle to call me, then it certainly wasn't Jasper, he had even less reason to. The thought of Emmett worrying about me was laughable, almost as ridiculous as Rosalie. That left… but why? What did he care? No. My logic had to be flawed. It couldn't be, and I wasn't going to entertain the idea. There was nothing down that path but pain.

"I'm not going to hang up the phone until you talk to me."

What was I doing? Nothing happened on the other end.

"Umm." I cringed.

I had to stop deluding myself: it could only be one person. No one was more stubborn than him.

"Edward?"

Nothing, and the hole in my chest growled.

"I know it's you. Please, would you just talk to me? Just for a minute… no, thirty seconds. Please, Edward. One word?" I waited, convinced that if I played his game, that he would succumb.

...

…aaaaaaaand I gave up. He was infinitely patient, of course, what was I thinking?

What did I want him to say, anyway? "Hello Bella, I just wanted to be absolutely certain you weren't dead, so I could go on enjoying my distractions guilt-free?" That would be comforting. "Bella, I love you, I was so wrong about everything, and I want to turn you into a vampire so that we can be together FOREVER!" Yeah, sure. In my wildest fantasies. I envisioned Edward zooming back to me at the speed of lightning, wrapping his arms so tightly around me that all the pieces were put back together, and then never letting go. Jacob who? The vision disappeared instantly at that.

"Jacob…"

Crap! I said it out loud. Edward had heard me in the front yard, too… that much was certain. Was his silence expressing a desire for an explanation? He would have to wait for a very long time, then, because I really didn't know. What happened was… insanity, unexpected, random… perfect. But… a mistake? Yes! said the hole. But… what did I think?

"Yes, um… he's… well… You see… He and I. Umm… He's very sweet. He'll take care of me. Wait! I mean..., uhh... not that I need to be taken care of." I gesticulated madly. Because… clearly, Edward would be able to see my ridiculous hand-waving through the phone. "He's a good friend," I added. I opened my mouth to let out a long and incoherent explanation of what exactly the word "friend" constituted at this point in time, and a discussion about my mom and dad, and first loves, and… I shut my mouth. Rambling was not going to do me any favors.

I let out a big sigh, because the conversation was still completely one-sided… unless you counted the hole, of course.

What was there left to say, though?

"Edward…" I whispered. "Edward, I'm always going to love you." My throat felt tight and pained, and I tried to laugh a little to make it seem like this admission was just part of every-day life, not a cold, hard fact that would haunt me for the rest of my life. "I mean, really, who's ever gotten all the way over their first love?"

That made me wince. Edward, that's who.

Well, at least he had the manners to stay silent on that one...

"I'm going to be fine." That stupid word again. This was awful, what was I doing? He probably wanted to be off again, enjoying his distractions.

We were quiet for a little while, and my free hand rubbed gently on my forehead, the last place he had ever touched me. Sometimes, I would wake up at night, caressing the spot. It was like I could still feel his cool breath and granite lips. The way they had pressed against me, so gently. He had been so cold that day, so very cold. Distant. Gone already. His words… the way they had burnt my insides. "I'm always going to love you… in a way."

I realized, then, why he wasn't speaking: his promise. He promised me that he would never interfere with my life again. "It would be as if I never existed." His honor system, then… made it okay to pretend to be someone else on the phone to make sure I was still alive, but not acceptable to speak to me specifically? That seemed logical… cold, emotionless. The way he felt about me. This exercise in futility had wasted enough of his time, now. If he didn't get what he wanted from my insane blabbering, then he'd just have to call me again.

That could be it! Maybe he missed me, realized the errors of his ways, but he was honor-bound by the promise. We could keep our relationship up via one-sided phone conversations. It would be perfect, though, because I seemed to be able to sense how he was feeling. This of course, made sense, with our souls connected the way they were. It was terribly romantic, the notion that we could stay together, no matter the distance, the problems. Like Cyrano de Bergerac, he would always be with me, my silent companion until the very end… when the truth would finally get out: that he did love me, and always would. Our lives would never be complete without the other. It was beautiful. Beautiful, and complete and utter BULL!

Ohhh, I was such an IDIOT! What was I doing?

"Okay… I think I'm going to let you go now, Edward…" Before I start to crack. "I don't want you to have to pay this long distance bill." Levity right now was stupid.

Could I let really him go? I felt myself falling apart again… crumbling away to nothingness. I could hear the odd sound of air rushing past me, almost smelled his sweet scent. No… no no NO!

"Wait!" I cried out. "I lied. I'm not fine. Nothing's okay. Please tell me you never left me… I mean… I mean."

I had kissed Jacob less than two hours ago. I had been giddy, childish, running around like a… like a fool in love. Just because he wasn't around right now didn't mean… what did it mean? It meant that I was crazy. Completely insane, and not Edward's problem anymore.

"No, Everything is fine. Really. I just got… confused for a second. I changed my mind, I'm okay. Don't worry about me anymore. I'm… I'm sorry."

I just held onto the phone for a little while, clutching it to me. It was my last link to Edward. Could I really give it up? Finally, it felt like hours later, I stood, and moved to put the phone back in its cradle.

"Edward… have a nice life."

Just as the receiver clicked into its place, I heard Edward's voice. Beautiful and sad, it was, even though it sounded muffled and far away. Still unmistakably Edward in all his glory.

"Goodbye Bella."


	5. Mop

"NO!!!" My fingers slipped from the smooth plastic and dropped to my side like they were made of lead, and I stared in horror.

How could he do that to me? To wait until the last possible moment? How… rude!

Never mind that, though... I would just call him right back. FORCE him to talk to me. I didn't know his number, though. Wasn't there some way to do call backs? It was not going to end like that. I'd figure it out!

I snatched for the phone at the speed of lightening. He couldn't do that to me...leave me _again_ without the chance to respond. I deserved better than that! He wasn't... He…

There was no dial tone; I must not have hung the phone up all the way!

"Edward? PLEASE talk to me."

Nothing.

That game, still, huh? This was clearly some elaborate puzzle he created. So I could show my worth, perhaps?

I turned my head to stare blankly out the window, hoping the grubby panes would somehow give me inspiration into this demented conversation.

That was when the cord fell out of its jack. The phone was dead; the connection must have been loosened when Jacob dropped it.

Realization hit a moment later, and I burst into tears for the millionth time.

The sobs were loud and came with wordless howls. I could feel myself falling, losing balance, so I pulled at the kitchen table, clutching it securely. I sat in a chair, lay my head on top of the cold wooden surface, and just let it all out. Every painful moment since September was remembered and agonized over, again and again. It wasn't long before I started mulling over what had just occurred.

I was talking to myself-- the whole time. Like such an idiot! It was embarrassing, to be so exposed. The sobbing stopped abruptly.

What was my problem? What was I really crying about? That I had just wasted however many minutes of my life... talking to myself? Because I _felt exposed_? There was no one around to hear me! I exposed myself… to my won lies and ridiculous fantasies.Imagining the NOTHING was curious, wanting me to say more? I didn't have to be in an _Introduction to Psychology_ class to figure this one out: I had made up the whole thing. Everything. Edward hadn't talked to me--he didn't even care if I was alive or dead. Those words I thought I heard, they had been the hallucination. The last one; there could be no more. Hanging up the phone had been the tangible finality of my abandonment; it was my mind finally letting go.

Further realization struck as I blew my nose: it had been Carlisle all along! He had come back early from hunting...and Jasper had explained the whole situation for Alice's disappearance. Carlisle probably had prepared a list of excellent local psych wards where my inane babbling wouldn't cause problems for his family, or the secret vampire world. That was why he had wanted to talk to Charlie, and not to me. Suicidal humans who knew about the existence of mythological creatures could not be allowed in public.

The thought made me furious! Trying to hide me away like that? For knowing the _truth_?

Good thing my Jacob had given him what for; served the Cullens right for trying to institutionalize me. My heart fluttered even as my tears continued to flow. He'd be back soon. _My Jacob_. Everything would feel better soon, he would make everything perfect. I needed to wash my face and clean away all the mud I had tracked earlier. _Otherwise,_ I mused with a watery smile,_ he'll think I've been raised by wolves!_

As I rinsed away the tears, a nagging little voice in the back of my head asked me, _is it really the job of a 16-year-old to make everything better?_ The voice had watched too much Oprah; it was going to leave me alone now. _Relationships should be between equals.._. Nag Nag Nag! Jacob was going to come back and make everything better, and we were going to be happy.

Every few moments however, Edward's topaz eyes would float in front of me, and I would feel the spot on my forehead cool the slightest bit. It wasn't fair! Why wouldn't he just go away? Out with the old, in with the new!

I took my time with the laundry and the mopping. I had to keep occupied, or I would think about Jacob, and then I would think about Edward, and then my brain would explode. Not thinking was definitely the best policy. The problem was, however, that I didn't know _how _to stop thinking. Thoughts always streamed through my head, a constant narrative that described everything I saw and did not act upon. I couldn't make my brain just STOP, I didn't think it was possible. So, I needed something to focus on. Something mundane, and nonmagical. Something… boring, nonmasculine, and… _Think about the mop, Bella. _A brilliant idea!

The problem was, that mopping really didn't require much concentration, especially when one was a complete klutz, and had grown up with a mother who habitually neglected to turn on the timer when boiling eggs. Mopping had probably taken up more of my adolescence than television watching.

I swiped, forward and backward, using as much pressure as I could muster, three times. Then dipped in the bucket… Lather, rinse, repeat, making every effort to keep imaginary lines in focus, and smooth. To make sure that no speck of mud missed my noticed. My concentration waned rather quickly.

_Should I kiss him first?_ I wondered... Or, maybe it was his turn...playing hard-to-get was supposed to be cute, right? Hard-to-get? Yeah, because I hadn't thrown myself at him or anything. _Real coy, there, idiot._ Okay, I would let him chase me for a bit, but would he think I had changed my mind? Should I change my mind? My eyes widened at the horror of the idea. Well, that wasn't happening, then. But, Edward... No. No Edward. Not ever. Why did I keep bringing it up_? "You're not good enough for me_…" HE said it, why was I even pushing the matter? But...

I glared at the staircase in front of me. It was clean. I had scrubbed it repeatedly over the last 20 minutes, and it wasn't going to get any cleaner.

My eyes narrowed to two slits. Yes it was, I decided, because Jacob and Edward were battling inside my head, and I couldn't let the madness continue. The mop's handle was a shiny black, like Jacob's hair. It had been such a disappointment when he had cut it off, and I wondered why he'd done it. Why all of them had done it... Was it just so they'd all look exactly the same? At least it was still long enough that I'd be able to run my hands through it, twine it around my fingers while pulling his face towards…

I started growling in a furiously lame, girlish manner, attacking the tile with my fierce weapon. The stupid linoleum was taunting me with its pristine, sparkling cleanliness. Stupid floor. Glistening in the light, like Edward's skin.

Who was supposed to win, the mop, or the floor? I hugged the mop in my arms protectively. The cleaner the floor, the worse off my poor Jacob... and, what did that mean? I was standing on Edward, holding the mop. Was I trying to say that Jake was better? But, I just... I just…

"I. MUST. MOP!" I shrieked. This was bordering on mania. I was going crazy. _Duh_, the nagger in my head responded.

A hand suddenly rested on my shoulder. A big, too-warm hand that matched the low chuckle that resounded from behind me.

"Okay... if you want to mop, mop! I won't try and stop you."

The mop dropped.


	6. Monk

**I should mention here and now that I never intended for this to be a "kissing book." This stuff just sort of… shot out of my fingertips like lightening, Palpatine-style.**

**

* * *

  
**

My sudden 180-degree rotation twisted me into his arms before the mop had stopped clattering, and our eyes locked. I could tell from his eyes that we were thinking the exact same thing: who was supposed to make the first move this time?

The prelude to this, what would surely be the second kiss, was far more awkward than the first one had felt. Why was that? Precedent, I decided… that and the fact that the first one hadn't exactly been planned. Whatever happened, this was going to start a pattern that would define our future. Surprisingly, I had already made a decision; I was fully prepared to take charge… seeing as I was older, and therefore probably more experienced with the whole kissing thing.

That got me thinking, though… what if I wasn't more experienced? What if Jake was some sort of kisser extraordinaire, and my own meager experience of the art form paled by comparison? I didn't get much of a chance to think about this wretched possibility, though, as my face was already tilted up to his, and before I could do more than raise the question, he was already kissing me.

It worked like an on/off switch for my obnoxious anxiety-filled brain. What brain, I mean, really?

I may have thought the first one was perfect, but… objectively? This one was clearly better on the kiss-scale. My fervor was slightly less severe this time, and he used just a tiny bit more pressure. Very pleasant, indeed, thanks to the lack of teeth clacking together, and the bizarre soft heat of his lips, which I hadn't truly appreciated previously.

I had to pull away suddenly, far too soon, because in my pre-kiss nerves regarding experience and all that nonsense, I had stupidly forgotten to breathe, and my nose was still clogged from all the silly crying. I sucked in a lungful of air, and set myself up for another, even better kiss, but Jacob had already backed away, and... He was smirking at me! I moved my face closer, hoping he would just shut up and kiss me again, but his hands at my shoulders were immovable boulders, keeping me at arm's length.

"What?" I asked defensively, my brain instantly switching back on, and it flooded with panic when he ignored my question. Instead, he suddenly released my shoulders, and turned into the kitchen, without a word!

After regaining balance, I had to wonder… where were all those male teenager hormones I had heard about? Wasn't he supposed to be uncontrollably lustful? I was suddenly struck with an idea, and panic hit soon after. He doesn't want to kiss me anymore! I'm a bad kisser! Ohh, this was terrible! Now I'd lost him as a friend, Carlisle thought I was some sort of floozy, and my existence was even worse off than it was before because… because the real tragedy of my life story was over.

I committed the sin-of-sins in the Romance world. Jane Austen would smite me, Charlotte Bronte would bury her head in her hands. Henry James… well, okay… he probably wouldn't care, but that didn't change the fact that I had kissed someone else! Now, when I wandered the street, old and alone, lamenting my eternal solitude, and crying about my lost love, it would be false! A lie. I abandoned my true love, and for what? Thinking I had been able to move on after two kisses from a boy who'd obviously had better. I… cheated! on Edward's memory.

No matter the warning talks Renee gave about "playing the field" before settling down... ever since that first day in the clearing with… with him, I had been completely and utterly certain that I would never love another person, never even like someone else! But... Gosh, what happened to me? I had been settled into my friendship with Jake, only slightly annoyed by his casual attempts to weasel his way into my affections, and then, all of a sudden... what had I done? Would things ever go back to the same with us, or had I lost the only real friend I ever had? Well, him and--

"Did you know you were incredibly cruel?" asked Jake suddenly, looking over his shoulder at me. He was obviously completely oblivious of my sudden meltdown. While my entire (ruined) life had flashed before my eyes, he had been successfully scavenging for food, a bag of stale chips stuffed under one armpit.

I stared at him stupidly. "Huh?" He just barked a laugh and started opening and shutting cabinet doors loudly. Oh. Maybe he was just hungry, and teasing me. That wasn't so bad… maybe I overreacted. Maybe he wasn't abandoning me.

So… I mused, I was "cruel" for not having a meal prepared for him, or something? How misogynistic! He searched randomly through various foodless cabinets, and finally pulled out a big bowl and a plastic cup. From the refrigerator he snagged a 2-liter bottle of flat grape soda. Quickly, I rehashed meal times with Jacob, and I realized that he probably did expect me to have food ready. His house or mine, I was always the one working in the kitchen… watching the cooking shows, even. Ugh! I had even been mopping when he came home; how much more domestic could I get?

Paralyzed, first by horror, and then with plain irritation, I had yet to vacate the little hallway that connected the living room to the kitchen and front door, so when he strode purposefully towards the living room, I was blocking his path. He didn't even slow down, just raised his plunder over my head and bumped me deliberately with one hip as he passed. Then he lobbed himself on the couch, taking up the whole thing, leaving not even the tiniest space for me. I turned towards him, folded my arms across my chest and stared at him, jaw open, brows furrowed.

Completely ignoring me, he felt around under his butt for the remote. He turned the TV onto some stupid sports channel, grabbed one enormous chip, and stuffed it unceremoniously into his mouth. He purposefully chomped down on it, and it made that loud, drawn-out crunching sound that only month-old chips could make. While still chewing, he started to speak.

"Seriously evil, Bells." He crammed a huge fistful into his trap and munched away, lips open. Was he deliberately trying to disgust me? Eventually, he swallowed noisily, and then stood up again, leaving the bowl on the couch. I didn't know what to say. Should I apologize? But no, where would the past centuries of women's rights go if I begged for forgiveness for not being his maid? Still, did he deserve to be punished for the behavior I taught him, however inadvertently? Pavlov's dog, and what have you… Bella plus kitchen equals food, and so on and so forth…

He crossed the room in two quick strides and stood inches away from me, towering like some great oak next to a little sapling. "I forgot my drink," he said, not removing that stupid smirk. If he could see the crumbs plastered to his face, he wouldn't look so smug.

"Lucky you," I said testily, unable to control the tone of my voice, or my words, as it turned out. "What, was I supposed to notice that and fetch it for you, like a good little girl?" My sarcasm dripped in a most satisfying manner. Well, I reasoned, it's not as if I'm the only source of influence on him. He should know really know better than to take advantage of my… erm… cooking.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Well, that would have been thoughtful, but I still wouldn't have forgiven you."

"Forgiven me... for what?"

He rolled his eyes and went back to the kitchen, pouring the beverage with excessive concentration.

"I don't get it," he said finally. "I pine over you for months… no… a whole year!" The bottle was empty, so he dropped it to the floor and stomped onto it enthusiastically before stuffing it into the trash bin. I noticed tiny little droplets splattering onto the tiles, and my upper lip curled automatically.

"A year and thirteen days, to be precise." He took a big swig of the soda and swished it around, then wiped his mouth on his arm, and his arm on his pants. Ewww. Suddenly, he stalked towards me, glaring. It was much more intimidating than anything I had seen before, and I cringed.

Towering over me again, he leaned down, face almost close enough to mine for our lips to touch, but not quite. I could smell his salty-sweet breath as it blew across my face.

"And you have to wait until I'm on my way to a funeral to kiss me?"

I blushed.

He leaned in, just the tiniest bit closer. Heat radiated from his nose to mine, like I was leaning towards a furnace. I tilted my head up towards him expectantly. Doubts forgotten, it felt like the most natural thing in the world, to be about to kiss him, again.

"Well, I, um… I hadn't thought…" I mumbled. And I certainly wasn't thinking right now. The tingles were taking over my body, and I thought I might pass out soon if he didn't close the gap between us. It was difficult to breathe normally; it kept catching on my throat on its way out.

"Yeah, well. Talk about torture. You dream about a thing for… awhile, and then it happens, and you have to be all somber for hours and not slip up for even a second. I thought my head was going to explode! I had to pretend it was just another dream."

Another dream? Pining for me for a YEAR? It was difficult to think straight. In fact, my head was going to explode if he didn't shut up and plant one on me in the next five seconds. I lifted myself onto tip-toes, and I was oh, so very close to resolution.

His lips turned into a smile, and I mirrored him, tension relief on the horizon. Abruptly, he turned away and threw himself back onto the couch. I gasped.

Where was the freaking lust? I almost said it aloud; that would have been embarrassing. I stared at him in shock for awhile, but he apparently didn't notice, engaged as he was in the television screen, even though the volume was off and it featured a commercial about feminine hygiene products.

I didn't know what to think at this point. He wasn't really mad at me, was he? Still completely confused, I turned and walked back into the kitchen; I might as well be domestic and make Charlie some dinner, since I obviously had nothing better to do right now. Anyway, I obviously had a lot of things to mull over. For once, though, cooking didn't seem particularly interesting.

Trying to clear my head, I braced my elbows against the worn countertop. I inhaled slowly through my nose, and looked at the counter with unfocused eyes. There, right in front of me, was Jake's twice-forgotten drink. Suddenly, my situation didn't seem quite so dire, and I grinned determinedly.

I could bring it over to him, and make him pay attention to me, for real. Maybe I'd even apologize. Apologize for kissing him? Whatever it took. We needed to straighten things out, obviously.

I reached for the cup, and, feeling excitedly optimistic, spun around in a half-run… and bashed headlong into his chest. Purple soda splashed everywhere, and the cup tumbled to the floor. I looked up at him, exasperated. He chuckled and stepped forward, forcing me backwards into the kitchen counter, his hands at my waist.

"Sorry," he whispered, leaning down. "It's just that you're so cute when you're annoyed." Was I cute when I was outraged? My mouth flew open, I took in a huge breath, and a torrent of scathing insults prepared to shoot forth and fry his brain with intense witticism. I'd get him for this, the stinker.

"What's your--"

Of course, that was when he kissed me. Anger? Gone. How could anyone ever be mad with Jacob, anyway? He was just too wonderful. Our lips moved against each other gently, slowly. A little too gently, in fact. Without thought, my hands instinctively raised to caress his smooth face, to trace the line of his jaw, and then to slide back into his hair, fingers tightening around tufts and pulling him closer. He, too, wanted to be closer, and he pinned me against the cabinets, with my waist pressed firmly into his chest. Eventually, after several very long moments, the pressure against my lips lightened, and he pulled away. My eyes were closed, I didn't want the moment to end. I tried, valiantly, to force him back to me, where things felt okay. It felt like that was where he belonged.

"Charlie is going to be back soon," he murmured, obviously disappointed.

Oh, him. I wasn't prepared to think about anything at all just yet, let alone what to tell my dad about today. There would be no thinking for Bella, for the rest of the evening. That's where Jake came in handy.

"Then why are you wasting time, dolt?" My fingers released his hair temporarily, and felt around the planes of his face for his mouth. He was grinning, I could tell. My neck stretched up, and my hands pulled at his chin. Not a budge. I caressed his cheeks again, petting him like a dog. Well, he sort of was one. Should I maybe scratch behind his ear?

"Please? Pretty Please?" I could feel laughter rumbling through his chest; it almost knocked the breath from me. I started to pull at his hair again. It came as such a disappointment when one hand released my waist. No. I was not going to let him leave me yet! When his fingers immediately slid into my hair, I was very pleasantly surprised.

"Thanks" I said teasingly, and started blindly searching for his mouth again, knowing this time he would let me find it.

"You're welcome." He was so close I could feel each puff of air as it left his lungs and brushed warmly against the invisible hairs covering my cheeks. Our mouths touched, and my soul relaxed. "You'll just owe me one." He murmured the words into my lips. I didn't mind.

Thirty seconds into it this time, and I started feeling very curious. The last time I tried this, well, it hadn't gone so well. But Jacob wasn't venomous, and he didn't want to bite me, so he couldn't mind. Tentatively, I opened my lips the tiniest fraction, but he didn't seem to notice. My tongue slid out and nudged at his lower lip. His whole body tensed; he noticed that. A sort of…purr?... rumbled through his chest and vibrated our joined faces. That was a positive sign, right? I made slow circles around where our mouths were united, expecting him to take the hint and share in the experimentation. When he pulled away from me again, I had just been about to take the plunge, and be damned with the brazenness of it all.

"Oh, Hell, Bella," he exclaimed furiously. "You are screwing with my plan!" His hands went to my shoulders as soon as I moved, a vice grip that kept me at arm's length. I had planned to leap on him; maybe that would make him obey his innermost desires. Curses, foiled again! It felt… wrong somehow, to be so unnecessarily far away from him, like that invisible cord connecting us was stretched too tightly.

Why was I only attracted to monks? Mike Newton wouldn't be doing this to me. An involuntary image passed swiftly through my brain. Ugh. No thinking about Mike Newton ever again. Gag!

"Plan? What Plan? To piss me off? It's working, Jacob." I grabbed at his wrists; they were disgustingly sticky. Ew, and so were my fingers. How had I not noticed this before? In fact, I could feel tiny little droplets of stickiness all over my face. Gross. Oh horrors! Soda should be illegal. Eeeeuuh, and he had probably gotten the sticky into my hair. My freshly washed wavy locks had been sullied by ick!

I tried to push away from him, but he wasn't letting me.

"Let GO of me, Jake. Don't worry; I'm not attracted to you right now." I convulsed slightly.

He saw me uncomfortably wriggle my dirty fingers, and burst out laughing.

"I guess you'll have to mop again, huh?" He laughed even harder, throwing his head back and roaring with amusement.

"No. You mop, Jacob. It's YOUR mess. I'm going to take a shower." His russet skin blanched perceptibly, and he dropped his hands instantly, like I was the one with the burning skin, instead of him.

"Bella, please. Never mention showering to me… ever again."

I snorted.

"Yes, Jake. I'm going to go upstairs, take all my clothes off, and run around under hot water, naked. And the door won't be locked." He looked like he was going to pass out.

I stomped to the stairs furiously.

"I'll just… clean this up," he muttered, following me, to get the mop. No. Not to passionately kiss me until we both suffered brain damage from lack of oxygen. To get. The. Mop.

I spun and glared at him, but turned my voice to velvet, and I fluttered my eyelashes suggestively.

"And do you know what I'll be thinking about, while I'm up there, in the unlocked bathroom, completely nude?"

He cringed and backed into the wall, brandishing the mop at me as if it was a shield… as if it could protect him from me.

I turned back around and ran up the stairs.

"MONKS, Jacob. MONKS. Lots and lots of monks."


	7. Bus

The shower calmed me down (only after yelling _"Where is the freaking lust!_" at myself and painfully kneeing the wall in a fury) somewhat, and rational thought eventually returned. After a long delay, I journeyed downstairs wholly de-stickified, and utterly humiliated over my brief transformation into a… a… what? A full-blown _nymphomaniac, _and felt terror-stricken that Jake had been alone with my dad for an undetermined amount of time.

They were watching a game when I hesitantly stepped into the living room. Charlie looked really into the TV program, which was a good sign-- If Jake mentioned anything about, well_, things_. Ordinary in that he hadn't yet noticed my arrival on scene. Jake had, though, I could tell by the tightening around his lips, hiding a grin. Two entire pizza boxes lay demolished on the floor, which surprised me. Had I really been in the shower that long?

I stood awkwardly on the edge of Charlie's peripheral for some time, until he finally detected my presence and greeted me in his familiar taciturn manner. Jake feigned surprise and scooted to one side of the couch. I just blinked.

"I tell ya, Jake here's a real saint," Charlie said, when a commercial about hair-loss started up. It was in a maddeningly sarcastic tone that confused me to no end. I didn't know how to take it, and my eyes automatically sought out Jake, hoping he would calm me down. No such luck; he gave me the smuggest look imaginable. "He traded the last piece of pizza to hang out with you all day tomorrow. You don't have any plans, right?" I was speechless, but shook my head excitedly, not even giving the question any thought.

Once I stopped the bobble-head impersonation, I felt unable to move. If I did, I was going to do something ridiculous, and ruin this brilliant excuse to spend the last day of my_ final_ spring break entirely unsupervised, with the object of my desires, with my father's blessing. The whole thing really didn't make any sense, but when did men _ever_? I certainly wasn't going to complain.

"I told him it was only fair, after you made me clean that mess you left in the kitchen." Jake's tone was lascivious, and his eyes smoldered; Chief Swan was going to lock him up and throw away the key for that lewdness. Wait a minute, _my _mess? I scowled at him, and he winked suggestively, causing me to gasp.

Blissfully unaware, Charlie gestured for me to sit in the only available space. I wasn't particularly pleased with the proposed seating arrangement, especially since I couldn't look directly at Jake. How could I, ever again, knowing I had actually tried to _seduce_ him? And that he had resisted? Goodness knows, I was thankful for that now. When I got the chance, I would have to plead temporary insanity.

Jacob teasingly patted the empty space next to him, and I dragged myself over. Stiffly, I sat down, trying to look comfortable, but unable to relax. I kept my arms tightly clenched to my knees, and my face refused to leave the television screen, though I certainly wasn't seeing anything.

"You going to eat?" Jake nudged a greasy paper plate at me, with a single slice of forlorn pizza in the center.

"No thank you," I barely whispered. "I'm not hungry." He dropped the plate into my lap, quickly squeezing my thigh before casually stretching his arm out across the back of the couch. Hidden by my hair, one long calloused finger drew circles on the skin on the back of my neck, making me shiver.

"That's weird. You acted _real_ hungry earlier," he remarked casually. My eyeballs were going to pop out. I was _not_ going to let him get away with making suggestive comments in front of my father!

"Well, I wasn't hungry for pizza. I was more thinking of…" My fingers tightened into fists and I tried desperately to look and sound nonchalant. "Hot... dogs." Jake stiffened. Two could play at this game.

"Huh? You've always hated hot dogs, honey." Charlie was surprised enough that he stop paying attention to the game for a second. _Oh crud_. I had just stooped to an incredibly low level in front of my _father._ I was mean. I was evil, and… brilliant! There was no way the little jerk-face could one-up that.

"Yeah, I know, Dad… I don't know _what_ I was thinking, but I guess I'm over it, now. I don't think I'll ever want a hot dog ever again." I smiled innocently. Suddenly, something dawned on me, and all the color drained out of my face as the full imagery of the phrase hit home. I had been thinking simply about body temperature and the fact that Jacob was in fact occasionally a huge, overly-warm canine, nothing more suggestive than that. He wasn't going to see it that way. Queasiness set in.

"I need a drink," I mumbled, standing up to escape into the kitchen, and I brought the pizza with me. Quickly, I poured myself a glass of tap water and drained it immediately. I had to stay out of the living room for the next... eternity. Fervently praying that Jake wouldn't come in to check on me, I drank another full glass. _Stupid stupid stupid_! A few minutes went by as I poured and sipped and wondered at my idiocy.

"Bells?" Charlie called suddenly, and I almost gagged on my water in surprise." Could you come here for a second, I forgot! We're curious about something." Oh please, no. _Just kill me now, please_.

"Sure, Dad…" I said in between coughs, "what is it?" I stood over the threshold to the living room, unwilling to get any nearer to Jacob than was strictly necessary.

"Me and Jake got into a… uh, argument earlier, about something you said." The TV was off, so the game must have ended early, or something… not that I knew what was going on; the only sport _I_ enjoyed watching was _curling_. Well, that and baseball with the… but I didn't want to think about them.

"Um… what was that?" This was probably going to be bad, and I braced myself, unsure of what misstep was going to come back and bite me in the behind this time around.

"Well, he bet you said something _completely _insane about a bus, and I thought you said, 'Where's the bleeding trust?'" _Oh no, not that too_! My stomach churned painfully, and I clutched at the nearest wall to prevent falling over, and possibly passing out.

"You alright honey? You look kind of… sick." Uhh… he was so right.

"No, I'm fine." Fine. I was never going to use that word ever again! "I just drank too much water for an empty stomach. It'll be okay in a second."

Jake didn't look concerned, he looked horribly amused. Of course he'd heard what I said, he had those stupid werewolfy super-powers I kept forgetting about.

"Told ya you should have eaten," he said, taking on a gruff tone to prevent an outburst of cackling; he couldn't fool me. "ANYWAY, I told him you were using that new slang, you know...because you _obviously_ said 'there's the shrieking bus!'" He winked and nodded at me wickedly while Charlie was looking over my abruptly haggard appearance.

I hid my face in my hands, and slowly nodded my head. Fine! He won this time. "Jake is right… that's what I said." He woo-hooed exuberantly, and before I had the chance to look up, he was at my side, one heavy arm draped around my shoulders, causing my knees to buckle.

"Tomorrow is going to be excellent," he announced confidently. I finally dropped my hands, and confusedly glared at my father.

"Oh… well, damn. Bella, what does that crap mean?"

I sighed. "I dunno, Dad. It's just an expletive. I, um… stubbed my toe."

Jake raised an eyebrow and sneered at me disbelievingly. "Nuh-uh. The thump was definitely _after_ the shrieking bus." I narrowed my eyes and directed my most vicious glare at him.

"First I stubbed my toe, and then, when I looked to make sure it was alright, I kicked the wall." His eyes were so dark, and soft, and filled with wry merriment that my anger immediately evaporated. Without planning to do it, and oblivious of my father's presence, I slowly turned to face him full on, tilted my neck back, and leaned forward hopefully. My hands raised instinctively to hold his waist.

A loud guffaw, accompanied by copious amounts of spittle brought me back to reality. He was still laughing when I punched him in the stomach. It was practically rock-hard, no give whatsoever.

"OW, dang it, Jake! You're disgusting." Charlie chuckled at us, then stood and stretched.

"I guess the house won't get painted for another year," he sighed, frowning morosely. Yeah, like he actually cared about the house. I doubt it'd been painted since I was born.

Jake shrugged, and I wondered nervously what the stakes for the bet had been, since painting a house seemed like a pretty huge task. He and Charlie got into a discussion then, about bribing some of the Rez boys to do it. "Mention free food, and they'll come running," he said with a laugh.

Charlie yawned after a little sports talk that I tuned out automatically, and said, "Well, you two, I'm off to bed." _At 9:30?_ He saw my surprise."It's been a very, very long day." I couldn't argue with that. From this morning, to now? Was my life even recognizable? Was I even the same person? Whoever I was, I liked it. "Don't stay over too late, kid." He patted Jake's shoulder sadly. "Billy could probably use your company." They shared a couple of serious man-nods, the ones with the lips pursed, and the brows furrowed, apparently filled with deep wordless meaning.

Charlie stumped slowly up the stairs, and at the top he turned and called, "And tomorrow you better bring her back by 11:30, young man, or I'll call the police." He snorted at his own joke, and disappeared into his bedroom.

"11:30, on a school night?" I looked up at Jake quizzically.

He shrugged. "Yeah, I mean… I _did_ win the bet after all." My face reddened. One corner of his mouth tightened in amusement, and he turned and disappeared into the kitchen with a flash. I didn't follow him.

Instead, I concentrated on recent events. Only two days ago, he had saved my life, and I had repaid that act by abandoning him for a vampire. Now… my heart fluttered wildly. I could feel the need to go into the kitchen, to coerce him into kissing me once more. Just this morning, I had been desperate to keep things platonic between us. And then, this afternoon…I couldn't believe my actions! Less than a month ago, he had just been a boy with a crush who I was using to chase after hallucinations. When he changed, and Sam hadn't let him see me? He had done everything he could to protect me, to keep us together. Today, he had yelled at Carlisle for what happened to me, and then apologized for making me cry. He hadn't forced his suit, even when he knew I would have let him. Then, when I had _thrown _myself at him, he had protected me from myself. Before, when he had said that… my thoughts froze, and my legs pulled me into the kitchen.

He was leaning against the counter, waiting patiently.

"Hi," we both said when our eyes met. This time, the simultaneity caused _my smile_ to spread across his beautiful face. I took a few tentative steps towards him. Why did I feel so shy _now?_

He didn't move, which was a bit of a surprise.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked cautiously, not trying to force anything out, but clearly desperate to know.

"You," I said simply, and then took another couple of steps closer. He was near enough to touch now.

Pleased, he asked, "what about me?"

I took the last necessary step, hands reaching up to his warm neck. His fingers found their way into my hair.

"You love me." I leaned towards him.

"Yeah, I do," he agreed huskily, completely unashamed.

That was when I stopped thinking.


	8. Sonnet

When my eyes opened Sunday morning, I was already smiling. I didn't need to rehash the previous day's events to determine how everything could feel so wonderful; I already knew. I had kissed Jacob Black. A lot. For an extended length of time. A half-hour or so, but definitely not for long enough. And it certainly hadn't been _my _idea to stop. Almost an entire hour spent kissing in the most PG manner imaginable. My smile widened. Well, I'd just have to pick up where we left off. I rolled over gently, preparing to wake my bedmate with a good-morning smackaroo, and then maybe try and up the rating a bit.

He wasn't there. Disorientation set in. I _knew_ he spent the night. We had talked, after all the smooching had subsided, and it had been so… "nice" was not the right word. He had been holding me, warming every part of me. Our conversation moved so smoothly that it felt as if our minds had been linked. I had told him things I would never have said to anyone, not even my mother, not even... Edward. My heavy burdens and been lifted from my soul. And, he'd understood everything, without me having to explain it, like he knew the exact words I wanted to hear. Where was he?

Where his hulking body should have been, was my pillow. Huh? And underneath my well-matted hair was a dusty old flannel jacket. Why was that? This made no sense. I sat up and surveyed my bedroom with sleep-filled eyes, and saw… mayhem.

Why were my clothes all over the place? _Panic_… And then… why wasn't I underneath a blanket? Instead, piles of laundry were heaped on top of me, like I was inside some strange multi-colored cocoon. Nothing had happened like _that,_ had it? I couldn't remember. Well, that was a good sign; his monastic training couldn't have suddenly abandoned him…

Slowly, nervously, I raised the old sweatshirt that was covering my torso. _Phew_. Last night had not included, erm, more… than I remembered; I was still fully dressed. Except for my shoes... huh? I couldn't remember taking them off. Maybe I hadn't recalled last night as clearly as I thought. What time was it?

8:01, informed my alarm clock. How precise. Something about the time seemed familiar to me. What was it? Something about Jacob… hah. What _wasn't _about Jacob? I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes, concentrating hard, trying to remember.

_He carried me up to my bedroom, because… I'd been arguing with him about leaving so early. "You know you're losing at least ten years for this, right?" he whispered in my ear as he plunked me onto the mattress. I didn't mind. The bed was a complete mess, so he started piling clothes on as blankets. I kept him occupied, constantly pushing the clothes onto the floor, getting frustrated that he wasn't offering up his services as a warming device. Finally, exhaustion took over, and I succumbed. He kissed my forehead, and while I grumbled, he said "I'll see you at 8 AM on the dot." I begged him to stay, but he chuckled quietly. "Don't forget how loud I snore, hon."_

So… he hadn't stayed the night. It had just been a dream. But that wasn't possible! Everything had been so clear, I had bared my soul to him, and he had accepted everything as if he had already known. Oh. Well, that made sense, then. Over-active imagination Bella, at your service. But… when had he left? When had the dream begun? At one point, I know I said "I love you." Was that before or after I fell asleep? Something deep inside of me screamed obscenities at the idea, the hole, probably. No. He couldn't have been here for that; I wouldn't have said that in a conscious state. No sir. It _had _to have been part of the dream. I wouldn't say that… would I? Somehow, I wasn't sure. Maybe… well, I mean… it _seemed_ plausible. What better way to keep someone from leaving?

But what if I _had _said it? Was I prepared to… to love Jacob? _That_ way? I tried to focus, but everything was so confusing. The dream had been exactly like reality. How was I supposed to tell the difference? How could I find out for sure? I couldn't _ask _him. _Hey Jake, just wondering…toootally off-the-wall question: did I like, ramble on last night about loving you? I was completely kidding. No big deal, right?_ I would just have to play it cool and hope he either brought it up, or was unaware.

A loud knock at my door startled me, and I jumped out of bed.

"What?" I called. I didn't want Charlie to see my room like this, it was embarrassing. What could he possibly want, anyway?

"Are you up yet?" It was Jacob. My heart leapt into my throat--in a good way.

I couldn't move, unable to decide between throwing the door open and tackling him, or straightening out my appearance. Ew, I was still wearing the same thing as yesterday. I opted for tidying myself up, because anything else would be just wrong.

"Yeah," I called. Oh for goodness' sake, I still had no idea whether or not last night had been wholly a dream, or not. _Please let it all have been a dream. Please, God… Please!_ Desperate to see him, I tore my clothes off as quickly as possible. The doorknob rattled menacingly, and I shrieked in dismay. It wasn't locked, and there was no way I wanted him to see me in this state of _dishabille. _

"Just give me a minute, alright? I need to change … what are we doing today, anyway?"

"Wear hiking boots," he called, and said no more. _Boots_? That article of attire was not suggestive of the kind of fun _I_ had been hoping for. As I rummaged around for something cute, yet hiking compatible, I asked him if he knew how long Charlie'd been awake.

"Charlie?" he laughed. "He's been gone for _hours_, Bells."

"What? How the heck did you get in, Jake?"

A pause.

"Bells, I never left."

My body jumped in shock, and I tripped over the jeans I was already half in, landing flat on my rump with a resounding _thud._

"Oh man! You alright? I was just kidding!"

"YOU JERK!" I hollered furiously.

"I actually came in through your window again."

"WHAT?" I had finished pulling on the jeans, and was just about ready to face the evil tree-climbing night stalker. Craaaaap, what had he heard me say in my sleep? Curse my constant sleep-talking.

"You didn't see the message I left for you on the window sill?"

My head spun around, but I couldn't see any message, and I told him so.

"Huh… that's strange. You sure?" He sounded concerned. "I definitely remember writing one."

I finished getting dressed quickly, searching for the letter, which was nowhere to be found, although it could have gotten mixed up with the mess of clothing all over the place. I stuck my head outside and looked down, thinking maybe it had fallen out, but it wasn't there.

"I still don't see it!" I called, while picking up piles of shirts and shaking them, hoping a piece of paper would fall out.

"Aw, just hurry up, okay? You're supposed to be mine for the day, and you've already wasted five minutes!" He rattled the doorknob again. I dropped what I was holding. _Mine_? The words caused my heart to flutter.

Apprehensively, I approached the door and put my hand on the knob. What was going to happen? My mind conjured up a thousand different possibilities, ranging from an epic make-out session, to a terrifying marriage proposal and impromptu trip to Vegas, and directly into… Edward's pained face, staring accusingly at me. I felt myself choking at that last imperfect image, and I had to stand there a few seconds before I was calm enough to open the door, where there would be no Edward, ever again.

Jake's body filled the entire frame._ No shirt again._ It just wasn't fair that he was so good-looking. Just seeing him immediately soothed my nerves. Definitely no marriage proposal, that was certain. Who gets engaged at 18 these days, anyway? What was I thinking? Gosh, and Jake was only _sixteen_.

I searched his face carefully for any hints, all the while silently asking him: _Did I tell you… do you know that… were you here when I said…?_ It wasn't as easy to read his face as it was mine, and seeing as there was no "BELLA SAID SHE LOVES ME" stamped across his forehead, I guessed I would just have to muddle my way through the day. Lame excuses from dozens of romantic comedies filled my brain. Ahah! So all those hours were _not _wasted… it was just training for real-life scenarios such as this one.

"What did it say?" I asked nervously, trying to appear casually disinterested, and failing completely.

"Oh you know, just some crap." His face was slowly lowering towards me, and my lips trembled a little bit in anticipation. _But… I haven't brushed my teeth yet! _He'd deal. "Dear Bella, blah blah amazing, yada yada yada beautiful… you know, that stuff" He wrote me a love letter?! That is the sweetest most wonderful… oh no. He'd been there; he'd heard. I almost cringed. "The end was the best part. It said, 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?'" My eyes started to moisten; _my _Jacob quoted Shakespeare_? Okay,_ so below the surface, that particular sonnet wasn't exactly appropriate, seeing as it was written about a man and such. Even if it _was _the most over-quoted one of all time, still… how sweet! "Thou art more lovely and more…" The pause went on for several beats, was he planning on kissing me after he said _temperate_? Not the most romantic word, but I'd take it.

"Gullible."

Speechless, my jaw dropped. Life as I knew it was over. I was never going to live that one down. He would mock me for the rest of eternity.

"Jeeze! I never thought you'd fall for that one! I used the key, dummy!" He rolled his eyes.

Summoning all the power that I possessed, I glared at him, refusing to allow myself to turn to mush by imagining he was Lauren. A stupid, mean, annoying, surprisingly masculine and delicious-looking, Lauren. _Fail_.

"Would you get out of my way, please?" I asked testily, folding my arms beneath my breasts and tried using my furious stare to laser-beam his eyes out. I failed, again.

"Oh, you're not really mad," he said it matter-of-factly, in such a confident manner that I wanted to knee him in the groin. That'd show him who wasn't mad. The worst part was that, even though my pride had been wounded (my butt was still throbbing), I knew he was right. Already my ANGRY FACE was turning more into a pout than anything.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I muttered, before all subterfuge was lost. He let me by, grinning evilly.

"You deserved it, you know. I'm not even close to getting back at you for yesterday."

I slammed the door and locked it, which only reminded me of…

"You know… the shower thing, and the monk joke, the mopping, the _bus_, and do I need to mention the hot-"

"NO. YOU. DON'T!" My dad had traded me off to that inconsiderate _ass_ for the whole day… for a slice of crappy pizza that _he_ ate anyway? A day with Jacob… the possibilities seemed endless. My mind reeled. Why couldn't I stay mad at him? Heck, why couldn't I even focus on one thing at a time?

A few minutes went by, and Jake was yelling up the stairs for me to hurry up. I ignored him, brushing my teeth furiously, and then trying unsuccessfully to braid my hair neatly. My tense fingers kept getting caught on errant strands and wrecking it, so I gave up, resorting to glowering at my reflection. I was going to stay in here until he begged me for forgiveness… or at least _after_ the button indent disappeared from my cheek_. At least he didn't tease me about that... _Who uses a coat for a pillow, seriously? I rubbed at the mark determinedly, but it just turned my whole jaw line red.

"Your breakfast is getting cold," he nagged.

I turned to mush, and stopped worrying if he had heard me say "I love you" in my sleep, because it didn't seem to matter.

_He cooked!_

I'd be saying it again soon, with both eyes wide open.


	9. The line

_He is such a_ _tease!_ Two hours into the day, and he'd barely even touched me, never even held my hand. No kisses, no hugs… what was he playing at? Stealing me away from my dad, making me breakfast (delicious breakfast, I'd bet he was watching cooking shows without me), driving me out to the edge of La Push in the Rabbit, with a bunch of old blankets folded up in the backseat… it was like watching a how-to guide on seduction. Except that he was yards in front of me now, as we traipsed around in the woods, acting like yesterday had never happened at all, as if we were still just friends. It was weird, though, the absurd pack life jokes were still entertaining, and I almost paid attention the whole time. But no matter how hilarious the idea of Paul exploding into a wolf while in his grandma's shower _was_, the pull of Jacob's bared flesh was too insistent. Taunting me with those rippling muscles… it should be illegal for men to go around shirtless; it caused too many indecent thoughts.

The worst part was the way his arms were flexed from the weight of the burden he carried: one enormous cooler holding enough to feed a family of 11, with a case of soda resting on top of the blankets, which he barely seemed to notice. I was holding a first aid kit, "for the inevitable," he said. _Jerk_. His biceps, though…those perfectly rounded protrusions beneath the russet skin, looked impossibly smooth, and velvety, even. I badly wanted to squeeze one, to ascertain that it was in fact real. There was the slightest hint of raised, pulsing veins beneath his well-toned forearms, and the little bone gently jutting from his wrist was just so… so… I sighed heavily.

He heard me, and turned, propping one foot up on a nearby stump, and balancing the giant cooler on his knee effortlessly.

"You're not getting tired from that heavy load, are you?" He was dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm just irritated, Jake," I groused. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"About what? This morning? Don't worry! There's no need to feel embarrassed; it was only the most _epic_ 'gullible' joke of all time! We'll be famous!" He laughed mockingly, causing his chest to rise and fall in a most interesting manner. _Pectoral muscles… mmmm._

I tried to scowl.

"It's not that," I sighed, wishing I had just kept my mouth shut. "It's, well, you're… _flaunting_ yourself, right in my face." I focused my eyes on a tree right behind him, so I wouldn't blush tomato-red. It worked, and I was very impressed with myself.

His chin jerked back and to the side, and he looked askance at me, utterly bewildered. "I'm _what_, exactly?"

I eyed his torso pointedly, pausing to enjoy the angles of his shoulders, and then, inadvertently, my gazed lowered gradually to stare, wide-eyed in disbelief, at an indent, a line I had never noticed before. It started near his hip, and angled down at a 45 degree angle toward the center of his body before disappearing under his jeans, which were hanging a little lower on his waist than usual. _Girls _did not have that line. _Boys _did not have that line… or at least, they'd been covering it up. It was, without a doubt, the most…_shiver_… erotic thing I had ever seen. What was it? Why did that line exist? My neck started to twitch, my mouth went instantly dry as the Sahara, and I swallowed noisily. _Wow_. Maybe that was how guys felt about low-cut shirts… if that was the case, I think I finally got it. It was a good thing he was several yards away from me, because if I had been standing any nearer to him, there would have been serious trouble, with a capital T, that rhymes with V, that stands for… _wheeeew_.

It took several moments for me to tear my eyes away from his body, and only then did I realize that while Jake's body hadn't moved, his expression had turn to one of horror and disgust. Had I drooled? In an attempt at casualness, I put my hand to my mouth to wipe it away.

"Bella… did you just…" he looked at a complete loss for words. "… OGLE me?"

I blushed.

"Ewwwwwww! I feel so violated."

For some reason, that ticked me off, a lot more than it should have.

"Right," I snarled, "because you've never done the _exact same thing_ to me when I wasn't looking!"

I could see the long list of replies he was preparing to retort, starting with "It's different because I'm a guy!" or something equally bigoted. He wasn't going to deny it, there was no way he could. I'd _taken_ sex ed, I knew how boys' minds worked. Well, I'd just have to prepare myself with a good comeback; I was going beat him, this time. But, he wasn't saying anything, and I just couldn't stop myself.

"… or maybe you haven't," I sneered, turning the phrase into a scathing insult. As soon as the words were out, I wished I could take them back. Why was I being such a.. a _bitch_? But, I needed to fight with him about this. I wanted to punish him for rejecting me, for reverting back to pre-phone call behavior, acting as if yesterday didn't change things, because it had changed _everything_. My newly opened eyes saw him differently, and they were starving.

Then, just to piss me off, I'm sure, he started smiling, and then sniggering. Before long, it had turned into a full-blown laughing fit, his whole body quivering so hard he had to put the cooler down before it tipped over. This was so insanely infuriating!

"Did I miss something?" I had to shout the words, because he was being so ridiculously loud. Finally, the peels subsided enough for him to reply, but he was still grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"I guess so! Do you realize that you were trying to start a fight with me over who wanted who _more_?"

_No!_ _That's not what… Oh_. "Heh! There's no competition, Mister _Monk_."

"You've got to be joking," he said flatly.

"Don't be ridiculous, of course I'm not joking! You haven't touched me _all_ day, Jake, what's with that? You weren't like this before, when… uh, the other day! And yesterday, I mean… come on! I had _to beg_ to kiss you. I mention being _naked_, and you_ mop? _For goodness' sake, I _invited you to spend the night_, and you used _snoring _as an excuse! I keep THROWING MYSELF at you, and you back off. Like. A. MONK!"

"That's not funny anymore, Bella. I am _not _a monk! Just because I haven't ripped your clothes off, _does not mean_ I don't want to, okay?" he barked, his voice _angry_, but then he laughed, like it was a joke, or something, which it clearly was. As_ if Jacob would do that..._ "Besides, I've liked you for way longer, so the amount of wanting is clearly in my favor. So there," he stuck his tongue out me teasingly, and then bent down to pick up the cooler, certain the argument was over. He wasn't entirely wrong, because I had something else in mind, entirely.

"Fine then," I practically shouted. "Why don't you prove it?"

"What part do you want me to prove, exactly?" he asked, putting his burden down again, his arms flexing beautifully. "I don't think you brought a spare set of clothes, after all."

"Whichever part you dare, monk-boy," I said archly, knowing full-well I was going to win. I envisioned those arms wrapped around me, lips pressed to each other, bare skin to bare skin, and I shivered, feeling my toes curl.

His plastered-on smile disappeared, and it was replaced by a terrifying face that sent shivers up and down my spine. He started moving towards me, and something about his walk took on an undeniably predatory air, and I was the prey. Unconsciously, I backed away, straight into the trunk of an enormous tree, dropping the first aid kit in surprise. Though it clattered noisily onto the forest floor, his eyes never left mine, and I could feel the heat burning into me.

"You don't know what you're saying," he whispered, his voice utterly calm. What _was_ I saying? My flight-or-fight response had kicked in, and I couldn't think about anything but how badly I wanted to run… but I didn't. I dug my fingers into the bark behind me, trying to calm myself down. There was nothing to be afraid of, I tried to reason. It was just my beautiful, sweet, loving, protective-but-not-too-much, best friend. … _right?_

As he came within reach, his huge right hand wrapped gently around my neck, while the other gripped my hip possessively. My heart thumped wildly, and my fingers balled into fists of their own volition. "You… have no idea, what it's like… to have wanted to be with you for so long, with you looking at me like I was a little boy." He licked his lower lip, the upper one curling cruelly. "I'm not. You need to know that." The thumb against my hip squeezed just a little bit. "You can't know… how hard it is to keep from, from…" he stopped talking, and inhaled deeply through his nose.

Jake's neck craned lower, so his eyes were only inches above mine, and stared intently, obviously having some kind of internal debate. His lips, so close to mine, were taut, and they mouthed words I couldn't make out. My heart wouldn't stop its violent abuse of my ribs, making my breath ragged, and I couldn't keep my knees from quaking. Why was I afraid? This was Jacob, this was my Sun… and it all felt _wrong_.

"You're not ready for this," he said quietly.

"Yes I am," I countered feebly, no longer sure what exactly it was I had been thinking about in the first place. It was an auto-pilot response: to win the argument, one must instantly disagree. Unfortunately, it was a poor choice… because it made him angry.

Jacob growled. An actual _feral_ growl, and his left hand suddenly glided over to my belly button, one thumb resting on the top button of my jeans.

"No… you're not." His smoldering right hand burned a path down my neck towards my bra, while his left started to slide up beneath my t-shirt… and I gasped in shock, cringing like he had slapped me, my arms coming forward to push him away, fists in clenched so tightly the knuckles were white.

Instantly, he dropped his hands and let out a breath I hadn't known he was holding, and the predatory façade went with it. I relaxed against the tree, certain if it hadn't been there, I would have collapsed.

It was like my brain now had two separate Jacobs: One, the beautiful happy-go-lucky boy I wanted to hang out with and hug, the familiar, safe friend. This other one, though… he was a man.

He started to back away, but I grabbed at his hands, squeezing them tightly. I didn't want him to think I was really afraid of him, I didn't want him to leave me.

He smiled sadly, and rested his chin on my forehead, pulling me into a gentle embrace. "Told you," he said softly.

We just stood there for a few minutes, thinking.

"Why do you always have to win?" I finally whined piteously, when my breathing had returned to normal.

"Silly little Bella," he snorted, and then pecked me lightly on the nose; I couldn't help but giggle a little bit. Then he pulled away, just as I knew he would, and started back over to the cooler. "It's 'cause you're not looking at the big picture. Plus, I really… _really_ want to win." He turned to look back over his shoulder at me, and winked, a great big beautiful smile already in place.

_Gosh, he gets over things fast._ I was still panting, heart pounding away, and brain in a twist… and there he was, looking happy as ever.

He disappeared into the woods while I was still pondering everything, wondering what the heck had happened, and when I realized he was gone, I panicked.

"Wait for me!"

I knew he would.


	10. Killed the cat

It was around 4:30, according to my watch, when I awoke from an impromptu nap that had begun who-knows-when. The overly warm body beside me, as well as the green and gray canopy above, made it easy to remember where I was: we'd had a picnic, or a "little snack," as Jake called it, complete with blankets, and sandwiches, and lots and lots of beverages. It was so strange; I couldn't remember feeling tired, but it hadn't taken any time at all to fall asleep, or to wake up in great need of some privacy.

Very slowly, I disentangled Jacob's fingers from my hair and sat up, careful not to jostle the toasty warm shoulder that had made such a surprisingly good pillow. My sweaty, kinked neck was not pleased with the sleeping arrangements, but it would forgive me soon enough. I stood and stretched, and attempted to silently exit the little nest, and failed. Thankfully, my bumbling around did not disturb my bedfellow, and my clumsiness made me smile as I recalled my new-found career plans.

When he'd finally stopped eaten, Jake had stretched out on his back, pulling me down with him before I knew what was happening, and guided my head to rest on his shoulder. _So_, he'd murmured while stroking my hair, _what do you want to be when you grow up? _Instantly, I grinned and said, _a figure skater!_ His stomach shook with mirth, and I told him about my previously hidden sock-gliding talent, but he hadn't been as impressed as I'd hoped… too busy yawning to give it the attention it deserved. Before he was out completely, I asked him in barely a whisper, _Jake...what game are you playing?_ He'd snorted lightly and refused to answer. _No go, hun, I'm not telling you about The Plan. _Then, probably to shut me up, he'd pulled me closer and softly pressed his lips to my forehead. It made me feel like I was a child, and he the grownup rather than two years my junior, but I didn't complain. Today was his; he'd won it… even if he had been cheating. If he wanted to use his day by sleeping, that was his prerogative, and I must have just decided to follow along.

Lately, forests and I weren't exactly the best of friends, but it was impossible to feel isolated when Jake's ridiculously loud snores permeated the surroundings so well. The boy wasn't lying when he said it was loud; it was astonishing I'd managed to doze off at all! Even my pathetic human ears could probably hear that raucous tune for miles around. For whatever reason (temporary insanity), though, I found them ridiculously endearing. Probably it was just him, and his constant happiness.

Somehow, it had to be by magic, he had managed to move on from our earlier altercation like it had never happened. There were no hurtful remarks or angry glares, despite everything my erratic libido had put him through. We just chatted, and bantered, like always. While Jake always did most of the talking between us, he had managed to coax me into sharing bits of my nonexistent personal life. The topics were varied, anything from lunch crowd "friends," to life in Phoenix, to embarrassing childhood memories. Renée's crazy antics made him laugh, and he said he'd like to meet her someday. While regaling him with the story of my short-lived ballet lessons, I had winced, and he changed the subject almost seamlessly. Though, how he went from tutus to werewolves is beyond me.

I went with it, though, because it was all so fascinating—the transformation, super-strength, healing, hearing… The part about him being physically around 25 made me understand how he could control his hormones so well, and I thanked my lucky stars for that. He bragged good-naturedly about kicking the rest of the pack's butt at pretty much everything. Much as he tried to appear up-beat, I could tell it still bothered him a little that it all came so easily, so I had squeezed his hand, hopefully giving back a little of that comfort he always gave me.

Throughout it all, my mind stayed out of the gutter, a feat I hadn't considered possible. It had been a rule with me that if I had eye candy to stare at, that's all I did: ogle, drool, and worship. But no, even though I had stared intently at the bared flesh of his stomach, it was not due to rampant lust, but shock and awe. _Where _did he put all that food? My stomach even now felt uncomfortably bloated, yet he had eaten three times what I had. In fact, we probably didn't have enough food left over for dinner.

I wondered if maybe that meant we were going someplace else tonight, instead of staying nicely secluded in the Quileute woods. I hoped not. Odd, how even though the trees were just as damp and dark as the ones surrounding my house, I felt no ominous foreboding here. Of course, _this_ forest didn't' contain painful memories of near-death experiences or broken promises. I shunted those thoughts aside, though. No need to worry about that, not when Jake was around! _Maybe I should pay him for his services as a happy-maker… _

The sound of a twig snapping made me jump… of course, _I'd_ been the one to break it, but it was still a shock. Thankfully, before I managed to scare myself half-to-death _again_, I arrived at our little nap area. Jake was still completely out, but I didn't mind; it seemed even in his sleeping state he projected an aura of contentment that I was able to bask in. I looked at the steady rise and fall of his chest affectionately, appraising him, more with aesthetic principles than burning desire. His eyes flickered back and forth beneath the lids, and every once in awhile a leg or finger would twitch. Sometimes a smile played across his lips, and I wondered what he was dreaming about, hoping it was me.

Jake's snoring suddenly changed patterns enough to startle me, and I tripped on a root hidden by the blanket. Surprisingly, I managed to catch myself before landing on top of my sleeping friend, and while he stirred and muttered something, he dreamed on. I knew he was tired because of me. That it was my fault entirely he always wanted to sleep, but I couldn't help being a little irritated. My mind started throwing frightening questions at me, the kind I wasn't interested in pondering. Not now, or ever, and I guess he needed to be awake for his abilities to be at peak performance. Edward's name kept appearing, begging to be compared to my best friend. Best friend? Was he still that? Of course he was, but then again, this was clearly something else, because friends didn't... Well, I didn't want to define anything right now, anyway. We understood, so what else mattered?

Questions about the future kept rearing their ugly heads, too. What was I supposed to do next year? I'd missed all of the college application deadlines, not that I had anywhere to go. Maybe I'd take the year off, and live with Renée. But, leave Forks? That felt wrong… because Jake wouldn't be there What did I _really _want to do when I grew up? My brain started spinning again, like it had so often in the past few days, reeling and twirling and erratic. _I don't want to think about this right now._

"I'll think about it tomorrow," I sighed. After all, t_omorrow is another day._ My cheeks tightened in a sheepish grin, and then my eyes narrowed speculatively.

_Gone with the Wind_. She spends the whole book, well... movie at least, throwing herself at stupid Ashley, when Rhett's right there the whole time... and she even marries him! Then she doesn't figure out she loves him until he leaves her. Well, that didn't fit at all. Clearly the wrong story. Jacob wouldn't... and I wasn't going to marry a whole bunch of guys I didn't love, because marriage was such a horrifying thought to begin with. Besides... me and hoop skirts? Recipe for disaster.

Oh, and then that horrid sequel! It had been one loooong Saturday evening with Renee, after a particularly bad break-up, when we had sat and watched both movies back to back, eating entire buckets of chocolate ice cream and raw cookie dough. It was at the end of _Scarlett_, when Rhett was saying something like, "Let's travel the world!" that my mother had suddenly burst into tears. "It's just so... so... _BAD!_ We are never watching this movie again; do you hear me, Bella? Never!" I giggled, and then sighed. I really missed her sometimes.

"What are you thinking about?" Jake's low voice surprised me, and I jumped.

"Oh!" My eyes had been staring unblinkingly straight at him. He was smiling, though, so it must not have creeped him out too much. "Good morning, sunshine! Did you sleep well?" He rubbed his eyes slowly and then focused on me.

"Sure, sure," he responded automatically "... but I had the _weirdest _dream ever!" He shook his head quickly back and forth, mystified, and obviously trying to clear out the sleep cobwebs.

"Really? Tell me about it!" I was genuinely interested, and hopeful that he would stop wondering about my thoughts. I just remembered that his mom was dead, and I didn't want to ruin the day by complaining about missing mine. He started laughing, always a good sign.

"Have you ever seen _Cirque du Soleil_? You know, that weird creepy French group with all those crazy body contortionists, and freaky bizarre music?" He looked somewhat at a loss to describe the show. I couldn't blame him.

"Yes..." I said, kind of weirded out that _he_ had, too. Jacob Black, the teenage werewolf cooking-extraordinaire mechanic _monk_, watched avant-garde ballet-type circus shows? How many layers could the boy have? He knew exactly what I was thinking, and rolled his eyes at me.

"I have two sisters, and one TV, Bella. Becca was all into that freaky stuff for a while... I couldn't escape it. Gave me nightmares more than once! Well, anyway... it was that crap, but on ice. There were all these weird... blue people skating on their own heads, and then they all turned into a big bouquet of flowers, and Poof! You showed up as the star of the show. Wearing rainbow toe-socks." I burst into an unstoppable fit of the giggles.

"Yeah, and that's not even the weirdest part; you _didn't_ fall down!" I scoffed at him in indignation, but it wasn't particularly convincing, because I just couldn't end the laughter. He joined in with me, every once in awhile contributing another detail that was even more ridiculous than the one preceding. When the hilarity finally died down, my sides and cheeks ached from the exertion.

We were quiet then, suddenly solemn for no apparent reason. Curiosity struck at that moment, and I absolutely _had_ to ask. I poked him in the ribs.

"What is 'The Plan?'" I raised two fingers, putting in the quotations. He stood quickly and backed away from me, suddenly looking worried, and more than little scared. "Umm... Jake? You've mentioned it twice now." I stood, too, sharing in his nerves without understanding why yet.

He jammed both fist against his forehead, and started hammering his skull; it made a loud thumping sound. "Stupid, stupid, STUPID!" He was shouting so loudly, it hurt my ears, and I panicked. I wanted to start running away in fear for my life, his shaking body a ticking bomb. But, this was Jacob, and I was pretty sure he hadn't brought a spare set of pants. So I denied my instincts as always, and did the opposite instead, walking towards him, hands outstretched, imploring him to stop hurting himself. Emily's ruined face reproached my irrational behavior, but I pushed her away without a second thought.

"Hey, silly! You don't have to tell me if you don't want to!" He flinched away from my hesitant fingers and continued beating himself with vibrating hands. I felt terrible, and completely useless. How could I help him, when I didn't know why he was mad? Jake... he was always so happy, I had no experience with calming him down... I had no ammo for this. But, I had to try.

"Jake, look over there! It's... it's... the SHRIEKING BUS!" His yelling cut off mid-word, and both hands dropped to his sides an instant later. He stared at me, in absolute astonishment. The next second he lunged, pulling me into a bear hug, in what was almost an exact repetition of the day I found out he was a werewolf... one week ago. Could that be true? No... it had to have been months. "Thank God," I gasped, afraid he might have cracked a rib or two. "My next option was to flash you." My body shook with his low, pained chuckle.

"Damnit," he muttered huskily. Then he kissed me, again and again; it could have been a hundred times, and it wouldn't have been enough. I wasn't afraid at all anymore; this was my Jacob, I had known he couldn't hurt me. "Damnit, Bella, I love you." He kissed me once more, and it was a goodbye, there was no question of it in my mind. The hole opened up for the first time all day, and I could feel myself falling into it...

"I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to meet my pained gaze. "We have to talk. About Edward."


	11. Talk

**Jacob PoV**

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It felt like we'd been yelling at each other for hours. She just REFUSED to listen to me, kept shouting exclamations of how wrong I was, how I didn't know what I was talking about. I wasn't ready for her… for this, I was supposed to have weeks for this conversation. Weeks, not seconds.

_DAMN IT!_ And it was my fault. Why did I have to ruin everything? I wasn't supposed to tell her about my plan, her knowing would make it impossible. Because she was so damned stubborn. She didn't think she needed this, but I knew her, better than she did herself, I guess. The plan to make her whole again, to make her mine forever. I knew why she was looking at me like I just killed a kitten, why she shrank away, rolling up into a little ball of misery.

With every word I said to her, coaxing her into talking about him, she cringed back further, sinking down, disappearing right in front of me. Every time I said that leech's name, her eyes got a little wider, more filled with... nothing. W_hy are you doing this to me? _she kept asking.

It was surprisingly easy to keep from phasing when a cheese grater was shredding my insides, I'd have to suggest it to Paul.

"You don't think, Bella. You never _think_. You don't want to keep hurting, so you try to shut it all away, but it doesn't work. You just DWELL. You think I can't tell? That whenever you look like you do right now, you think you ought to be dead? Like I'm not enough for you. Like I'll never be enough. Like all you'll ever want is _him!_"

She whimpered at me, lower lip trembling. It wasn't cute right now, it was stabbing. "That's not true!" she exclaimed. "I was _great_ yesterday, and this morning, before you--"

"Yesterday… doesn't count." This burned so bad to say, I felt like I was choking.

"WHAT?! HOW CAN IT NOT COUNT, JACOB?" She was shrieking, too furious for even tears. I had never seen her this mad before, not even when she thought I was a murderer. Couldn't blame her. Saying the best moment of my life didn't count? Bullshit!

"Because you weren't thinking about the future, you weren't thinking about _anything_. You were just trying to feel better, damnit. I know that. I'm not an _idiot_, Bells." I had known it was going to hurt like hell, to say these things, but not this much.

"That is _not_ true!" She was still walling it up, pretending I couldn't see. Maybe she didn't even know, yet. "Jacob, I _Lo_--"

I planted my hand over her cold little face, covering her from ear to ear. The wolf inside me howled in rage and in pain, struggling to escape to a place with simpler emotions. I almost split apart, but Sam's training, and most of all, Emily, kept me human.

"Don't say it. Please." I closed my eyes, searching for strength, and finding it. "Don't lie to me. You don't mean it. Not yet," I whispered the last part, a prayer. _Someday_, my mind begged. _Someday, she will._ Someday she would be all mine. This step just had to come first. Those damned steps. If I hadn't jumped the damned gun, hadn't skipped to Step 8, maybe none of this would have happened.

Hours trickled by so slowly it was painful. It had taken a long time to get her to realize I wasn't going to let her just sit like a lump and stare blankly. That she _had_ to talk to me. I tried to convince myself, again and again, that it was not to satisfy my curiosity, it was not to fuel my fury with the leeches.

Finally, at 8:15, a breakthrough. I'd forced her to eat, partially because my stomach growled noisily, but mostly to make her do something undeniably human… she looked so pale, so dead, like one of _them_. I could have puked at the thought. _Thank God for a strong stomach. _She had shivered, and I suddenly remembered how cold it must feel to her. I stripped the blanket from the ground, and bound it tightly around her, squeezing her against my chest, and cradling her between my legs. _Idiot!_ At least I could fix this, even if I couldn't take back the ruined day. This was _not_ how I pictured the day.

"Edward used to hold me," she said after a long silence, her voice entirely void of emotion. "Every night. He'd climb in through my window after Charlie fell asleep." I pulled her tighter, shoving away the revolting images that came with her words.

...Something about holding her closer to me did it, because those walls, they crumbled like ash.

It was like every thought she'd refused to think for six months spewed out of her all at once, a great big old mess of sparkly vomit. The birthday party and Jasper, James in Phoenix, the meadow, the lion and the lamb, Rosalie's hatred, Esme's motherly nature, Carlisle's goodness. _His_ last words to her. The nightmares, asking to be turned at the prom, trying to kiss him, the impossibility of physical intimacy._ Sex. She means sex, _I already knew that, but to hear her… I zoned out for a couple of disturbing seconds, but she kept right on going... The promises of eternal love, and him swearing to kill himself when she died, saving her life, again and again, with the van and Port Angeles, again and again, her promise not to do anything reckless. More nightmares, what she had said to Charlie to abandon him. Blood, the hole, and she cut off, clutching at her stomach protectively. Distractions, finding the phone still off the hook. None of it was in order, or made any sense at all, but I never interrupted. _Romeo and Juliet_ and Paris she dwelt on for awhile, and I wished I had actually paid attention during the Shakespeare unit, because the whole time I was thinking, _didn't that take place in Italy?_

Then she got to Port Angeles again, the zombie-realization, and faltered. Another long silence followed, and I couldn't move… couldn't come up with anything to say to her. Whether she remembered or not, and I was betting not, I had tried to visit with her during those months, with Dad. She made us dinner, ate, barely said fifteen words the whole time. And then? She went upstairs because of _homework_. On Thanksgiving. I clenched my fists tightly. If I had known then…

"'It would be as if I never existed,'" she murmured, quoting Edward again. "But it wasn't. I knew." She looked despairingly up at me while starting to describe the scene with Jessica near the bar. I felt queasy and prayed this wasn't going where I thought it was. Not that, please! I couldn't handle where this was going, I could tell. "Jake please... don't make me say it. I don't want to… hurt you." Hurt me? I didn't want to hear it, but I couldn't make her think I was revolted, that would just do more damage.

"Don't worry; it's okay," I said, hoping I sounded understanding and reassuring, but I felt like such an idiot_. Man,_ was I in over my head.I meant that she could stop, but she misunderstood me.

"You might think so now, but you're wrong. About _time_," she laughed bitterly. And then she told me about the hallucinations. About why we became friends. About cheating. About why she was in the clearing in the woods. And why she jumped off the cliff. That she been ready to die when I saved her, both times.

"Oh... shit." No other words fit. It was like finding out Darth Vader was Luke's father for the first time, only a million times worse.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and then we were quiet for awhile. _Holy shit! I can't handle this. She's not just broken; she's Humpty Dumpty. _A voice told me to just drop her off at home and never see her again, and that sounded like a good idea.

Then, she looked at her watch and pulled away from me. I didn't try to stop her. "It's really late. We'd better hurry, or Charlie'll sic some deputies on you." She didn't even try to laugh.

I packed everything in silence while Bella just stood mutely beside me. It was too dark for her to see anything in this cloudy night, and I cursed myself for forgetting a flashlight. Before I picked up the empty cooler, I grabbed her hand and ordered her to hold on to my wrist.

"Don't let go. I won't let you fall." She obeyed without question. It was the first time I'd ever wished she wouldn't touch me, and that made me feel even sicker. When we got to the Rabbit in under 15 minutes, she didn't bother to ask me the obvious question, and I didn't offer it. I felt too sick to speak. Walking her around the woods in circles had been such a brilliant plan. I'd been so proud of myself-- a whole day with Bella, alone, taking all the time we wanted just to sit around and relax. This… pile _of shit_ was not what I'd been planning on at all.

"I'm sorry I used you, Jacob" were the first words from her, as I sat down in the driver's seat. I put the keys in the ignition, but didn't start it. I couldn't tell her _it doesn't matter, it's no big deal_, _don't worry_, or _nah, you didn't just stab me in the gut_. She'd know if I lied. I had figured out, weeks ago, that she had just been using me on the beach, and while it really ticked me off, I had gotten over that. But this… I had to tell her the absolute truth. Was it the truth, though?

"Bella… I forgive you." Funny, I thought forgiveness was supposed to be uplifting or some shit. I just felt worse. She started to cry softly, and I pulled the Rabbit onto the main road. It took a lot of concentrated effort, but my right hand unclenched the steering wheel, and reached over to hold hers. She squeezed it occasionally, at odd moments when she was clearly rehashing. Neither of us spoke until we got about two blocks from Charlie's.

"Stop," she whispered, a command, not a plea. This time, _I_ was the one who didn't question, pulling over to the side of the road at once, wondering_, Oh shit, what next? _"We still have fifteen more minutes." She looked over at me, eyes red-rimmed. I nodded. She wanted to wait it out… I got that. Charlie would wonder if she came back early.

"You were right, Jake, I needed to tell you. Now you know... everything." She faltered again, and winced, still clutching at her chest with her free hand.

A stretch of quiet breathing, with crickets calling a few hundred feet off. Charlie was snoring, so at least she wouldn't have to explain the tears. I took in a deep breath, and held it in, weighing my next words carefully. If I screwed them up… it'd all be over.

"I don't want you to see me for a few days, Bella." She winced, but nodded slowly. "You need to think about this stuff. I don't want you with me like that if I'm not what you really want… I don't want to be your rebound." She tried to protest, but I cut her off. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm never going to leave you, okay? But you need to figure stuff out."

"Okay," she said, and I was surprised, I'd been prepping for an argument. "How long?"

How long could I handle?

"Wednesday. Okay? Meet me at our spot on the beach, after school. Is that alright?" Three days, of Hell… sitting around waiting for her to tell me she made a mistake, with Sam at my ass the whole time, and the rest of the guys making fun of me.

"Alright, Jake. As long as you promise to think about it, too." I snorted. _What else am I gonna think about?_ "You can't want me anymore, I'm insane." I rolled my eyes, not acknowledging how right she was. "Can we walk to the house?" I was surprised, but turned off the car anyway. We strolled slowly, hand-in-hand like usual, until we were almost at the base of her driveway. And then I was kissing her, for what felt like the first and last time. She pulled away from me before I was ready, and as she turned, I saw her face. It looked… _scared. _

We didn't say goodnight, and I left her on the door step, wanting so badly to forget the whole night, to just hold her and know she would always be my Bella. My Bella, Damnit. That bloodsucker… if he ever came near her again, I would kill him. I would rip him into tiny pieces, and laugh as he burned to dust.

What I couldn't stop thinking about, what sucked the most, what made everything so damned unbearable, was how I had scared her, to prove she wasn't ready to be with me… I looked at her like she had at me, like a piece of meat and nothing more. It had to be done, she needed to see, to feel for herself. Not to take me for granted, because she'd never really believe that I was dangerous… She could be such an idiot… trusting monsters at the drop of a hat. Trusting me with her life… trusting_ him_. _B_ut, it still burned to know how well it worked, because she _was_ afraid of me, now. She was probably almost as scared as she should be, because I _did_ want her, so bad… she couldn't even imagine.

I thanked God for Victoria tonight, for the patrol that would leave me with only a few hours to sleep before school. Hopefully it would be enough to keep me from fantasizing, but I could already see what my dreams would be tonight.

An unbroken Bella, soft and inviting, pressed against the same tree, of her own choice. Fearless as I touched her. Willing, determined, and ready.


	12. Sunless

**Sorry Joss Whedon, blatant yoink in this chapter.**

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Kissing Jacob while he had that awful mask on had felt wrong, more so than anything else that had happened since the phone call. The foreignness of his lips kept me awake long into Monday morning, and yet, I did not have a nightmare when I finally succumbed to sleep. I doubted he had been able to get much rest, either. _How does it feel when your best friend, the girl you're in love with, tells you she was using you to… _As much as it made my insides ache to think about how much I had hurt him, I could not regret telling him what I had, because after rehashing every painful memory of Edward and me, I did feel better. Like the hole had shrunk, the tiniest bit conceivable, but still more than I had dreamed was possible.

My bedroom still looked like a bomb went off, but at least I'd taken the initiative to throw all the mess onto the floor before slipping underneath the covers… after a lengthy shower (so Charlie wouldn't hear me crying), of course. The clutter made me wince as I got dressed, but for some reason I staunchly refused to tidy. No, I knew why, and it was embarrassing. Because Jake had helped make the mess; he'd seen it like this, and I wanted it to be the way he'd think of it. So silly. Why did he make me act like such a kid?

Charlie looked at me quizzically at breakfast, probably because I never looked so weary after being with my Sun. He asked me about my day, and I told him the truth: _Hiking_, _all day._ I added a bit of levity to keep him from worrying, _and not even one scrape!_ It worked. He seemed a little more at ease, at any rate.

"You two hanging out again tonight?" He looked like he was trying to hide something, which had me feeling nervous. Usually he'd either just let it out, or, more likely, have not thought of anything to say in the first place. Where was the normalcy I adored about our relationship?

"Nope," I said glumly. "Jake's got a lot of… unfinished homework."

"Oh, I see. Well, that's good." _Good_? "I was wondering if we could have a talk, then… you don't have any other plans?" What could Charlie possibly want to talk to me about? I shrugged.

"Sure thing, Dad! It's a date." His eyes crinkled a little bit, and then he finished his coffee and left without another word. It wasn't difficult to push him out of my mind, I had plenty of other things to think about, now that the walls had been pulled down. Like how to rebuild them as quickly as possible. It wasn't Jake's fault he had been disturbed; I deserved to be institutionalized for what I had told him. I just couldn't think about it anymore. Too much agony. Instead, I was thinking about what to say to him on Wednesday, if he still wanted me. _Wanted me_…

The drive to school was quick, but painful. He was too good for me. Too pure. I was such a back-stabber, apologizing one second, and then going on and using him some more in the next.

_No, _I decided resolutely: I couldn't just ignore my promise to him, not after everything he'd done for me. He said he wouldn't leave me, no matter what, but I couldn't trust that. No, he'd leave me and I would let him go, and he'd be someone else's Sun. And I'd never be all the way fixed. But he'd be okay, and he was more important than me. So, I had to think, do what I promised, so I could lie as little as possible on Wednesday. _Wednesday… _it was so far away.

Time itself was going backwards, that was the only explanation for why the day stretched on and on. During Math and Science, I thought about Edward, and why I couldn't fix myself, and what a mess I was. In English, it was my feelings for Jacob… but much as I concentrated, I didn't know what they really were. It just felt better when we were together. Complete. Warm. Safe. He deserved the words I wanted to say, but they didn't come, and I couldn't force them. _No lies_.

_Don't think about it, don't think about it! _My brain kept calling to me. Begging me to rebuild the walls. I had promised Jake I would think, though. And mused… would that make the hole a little smaller? If, every day, I thought about it a little bit, and let myself grieve over what was, would the hole eventually close up? My whole life, I'd never really lost someone. A grandma, but I only visited her every once in awhile… Was that why it hurt so bad?

A part of me _knew_ I was the biggest drama queen ever. My boyfriend dumped me, so what? People got dumped all the time. They moved on. Well, usually. Charlie never did, and he and I were one of a kind. But Renée was my mother, and she was happy with number… whatever, and I wasn't so "romantic" that I wanted to be alone forever. It just felt impossible now. The hole screamed at me, told me I was lying, and said I would never be all better, that Edward was my one-and-only, and I'd ruined it. _My fault._

Thankfully, no one at the lunch table seemed surprised when I looked like a zombie again. I sat with them, but didn't eat, or respond to anything, not even when I heard someone whisper, _she's gone back off her rocker!_ Jessica, probably. Well, she'd be right in a few days, might as well get them all used to it. I ignored Angela; it was clear she wanted to talk to me, and there was no way that was happening. Nope, no more Angela.

My teachers never bothered me, either; it seemed like they'd been expecting me to disappear again. _Glad I won't be disappointing them_, I grumbled as I got back into my truck, the truck Jacob had fixed for me, and returned home.

Home was awful. Every glance brought a flashback of Jacob and me. _First kiss, _as I walked up the porch steps. _Second kiss_, as I hung up my coat. My backpack dropped into a big pile in my room, and I smiled wistfully at the bed: _kiss #42_. I couldn't stay in here. _Almost kiss 43_, over my threshold. Down the stairs I tromped, until I was again standing at _second kiss_, and I walked into the living room. _Nothing to think about in here, thank goodness._ But there was. Jacob's finger twirling against my neck, and a squeeze of my leg. This wasn't going to work. I had to _do_ something. But I didn't have any homework… or maybe I did, but I hadn't exactly written it down. Well, I had a "date" with Charlie, might as well make something divine.

The kitchen was a bad idea. There they all were, right up against the kitchen counter. Kisses 3 through… well, I'd have to get over it. I tried to busy myself with the baking of dessert, a nice fluffy meringue seemed in order, but I couldn't concentrate. Edward used to sit in that chair. Edward on the phone. Jacob on the phone, with…

I lost it, dropping to the floor, still holding egg shells, and sobbed. The crumbled walls begged to be rebuilt, but I threw away all the biggest chunks, and focused myself on doing as Jacob had asked. I would get the crying part done before Charlie came home. _Four more hours_, would that be enough time? There'd be more tomorrow. I refused to clutch at the hole, rejected its urgings. It's not it worked, anyway… holding myself together.

Time passed.

"Bella?" I heard a hesitant voice murmur. Jacob's voice. Was I hallucinating about him now, too?

He was standing in the opening to the kitchen, looking warily at me. I dropped the eggshell on the floor and stared wide-eyed. No, this was really him, and he'd come to tell me it was over. Jacob was leaving me, forever. I knew it was the right thing, and I wasn't going to fight it.

"I know what needs to happen," he said seriously. "You're all _broken_, Bella. And it's not supposed to be my job to fix you. We're just in high school, this isn't supposed to be what our whole lives revolve around. And… you're not over him, not yet. I know I should have waited like I said…sat and waited until Wednesday, to tell you that we'll still be best friends, and hope that maybe in a few years, you'll have put yourself back together, and maybe then…

I nodded my head slowly. I was ready to say goodbye, it was the right thing to do.

"But then, I was wondering…" He took a tiny step towards me. "Would you mind if we just skip that part?"


	13. Detective

I couldn't say that I minded at all. Because I couldn't speak. First, from shock, and then, because I was otherwise occupied.

The _counting of the kisses_ game was officially abandoned when I got to around 88, because at that point, it had just gotten too complicated. If I nibbled on his lower lip, did that count? What about on the cheek, or neck? And then… when he breathed into my ear, so delicately… wow. That was, well, something else entirely. No way I'd be able to keep count with that kind of thing going on. Too soon after his arrival, he whispered softy…

"I'm… supposed to be on patrol right now." _What a buzz kill_. I had barely begun to be annoyed with him, though, when the vibrant red hair with matching eyes, and glistening feline snarl of Victoria appeared in my mind. I had completely forgotten about her, about anything that didn't have to do with my own stupid problems. The terror that had been so formidable for the past weeks, suddenly returned with a vengeance. _My Jacob_… was going to go and leave me, after the sweetest, most absolutely romantic speech in the history of all time, to chase after a monster out to kill me. I started to tremble, but Jake held me close, and snorted in my ear. Which wasn't particularly pleasant at all.

"You can be such a dummy, Bells. Stop worrying! One little _leechgirl_ is no match for the six of us. Seriously. I mean, we kicked that _Laurent_'s ass in about two minutes." He could tell I didn't believe him, that I was still petrified.

"I'm not going to let her hurt you," he promised quietly. Right, because I gave a damn about that… what mattered was if my pointless existence was the cause of his death. And what if it was Sam, or Embry, or…

I looked into his eyes critically.

"Quil?" I asked. He nodded and rolled his eyes, starting to laugh.

"Yup. Yesterday afternoon. Man, is that one funny story. See, Quil's never exactly had the best, errm." he paused, and cocked his head to the side, just like a dog. It was so cute, I couldn't help but laugh. "I really gotta go, though. Sam's not… um, well, he's not _pleased_ with me right now." I started to ask why, but he cut me off with a peck on the lips, a bone-crunching squeeze, and a "_See you tomorrow!"_ as he ran out the door. Even with the threat of imminent slaughter by an evil vampire, the realization that I would see Jake tomorrow still gave me tingles, and in a very good way. Not thirty seconds later, I heard a wolf's howl. Loud, and very nearby. It made me feel almost safe.

Rubbing my ribs gently, I turned to glance at the clock. Charlie'd be here soon, and I hadn't made dinner. I didn't have time to do anything special, so I made taco salad, an ingenious invention that was so stupidly easy to make, even a man like my dad couldn't screw it up… neither could a silly girl drunk off kisses. I had just finished tidying up the kitchen and setting the table when I heard the cruiser pull into the driveway.

He looked kind of apprehensive when he came in the door, and that worried me more. My brain was so frazzled at this point that it was a complete miracle I didn't just fall onto the floor in a blibbering mass, but Charlie didn't seem to notice this.

Dinner was silent for most of the meal, and I was just about to put leftovers away, when Charlie finally started to speak.

"I need to ask you a question now, Bella."

"Sure Dad, what's up?" I tried to act nonchalant, but I was never very good at it, unless of course I didn't actually care in the first place.

"I know you're not going to like this, but as your father, I have a right to know."

"Okay?" I responded, getting really worried. _Can he draw this out _any _more? Is this about college? Because I really do not want to talk about that right now._ Charlie wasn't going to be pleased when he found out I had shredded all the applications I'd filled out for him.

"I was in the shower the other morning, and, well…" He looked at me quizzically. _Ew._ Why was my dad talking about the shower?

"Are you and Jacob going steady?"

I stared at him blankly.

"Are we _what_?" Going… steady? The phrase made no sense! I vaguely recalled some horrible movie musical that took place in the 50s and involved a turtle on drugs, and an annoyingly catchy song with poodleskirt-clad girls shrieking the chorus, "Going steady, going steady, going steady, steady for good!" _Oh maaan,_ I remembered the plot, now. This was so awkward… Jake told Billy, and Billy told Charlie. This was awful. Or wait… my stomach churned. No… what if Jake _thought _about it, and _Sam_ called Billy who called Charlie? I felt violated.

He coughed a little and chewed on his mustache for a minute.

"Okay… I guess that term's a bit dated. Are you _seeing_ him?" He looked at me steadily.

"Uh, he doesn't _seem _to be in the room," I hedged. "So no. Should I? I mean, he _is_ kind of hard to miss, is he hiding?" The sarcasm worked well to hide my embarrassed nausea, as well as the intense fear for his safety. My Jake was outside right now, morphed into a giant wolf, risking his life for me. He might even be circling the neighborhood this very moment. I felt wretched, but thankfully, Charlie didn't notice; he was too irritated. Oh gosh, what if his mind wanders and Embry and Paul hear the… _hot dog_ comment, and… No, now was not the best time to think about that.

Charlie was trying to pull off an intimidating Dad-Glare, and I had to admit, it looked pretty accurate. Clearly modeled after the ones you see on those family sitcoms; he'd probably been practicing all day.

"You know exactly what I mean, young lady. Are you two… er…, an item?" He cleared his throat. "Are you _dating_ him? Is he your boyfriend?"

I sighed. _He's a boy, and he's my friend… and I do enjoy kissing him immensely. _Avoiding this was going to be impossible. It wasn't like it was something I should feel ashamed of, or anything; Charlie liked Jake, right? Why should I hide it?

"Well," I inhaled deeply. "_Officially_, he has not asked me out, so… no." _Really? _My own words shocked me; all that, and still he wasn't even my boyfriend? My mind conjured up one word: Edward._ STOP IT!!!_ I shouted at myself, before it could say anything more painful than that word.

He raised one eyebrow.

"...But I wouldn't exactly say that I'd consider myself, um, _available._" Poor Mike Newton.

He started to laugh, and then he gave me that crinkly grin of his that made me wonder how he'd gone for 16 years, in a town this small, without getting dragged back to the alter by some pushy middle-aged woman who cooked well.

"That's great, honey!" He looked pleased… _really _pleased, at least there was that. I felt so horribly awkward, and yet… elated!

"Dad… what did Billy say to you? Because… Jake hasn't said anyth--" He cut me off with a loud guffaw.

"_Billy_? I didn't talk to _him_ about this. We've got way more important stuff to discuss than our kids' personal lives." _Riiiiight._ Like fish bait.

I rolled my eyes at him and stood to clean up our dishes, trying to act as though this whole conversation hadn't phased me at all.

"So you just used your super-trained detective skills to figure this out all by yourself? I'm _impressed_, Dad." And really irritated. Why couldn't he have waited a few weeks before getting all _nosy_? Given me some time?

He was still grinning at me when I looked over my shoulder.

"It didn't take my 'super-trained detective skills' to notice, Bells. You wrote his name on the mirror in the bathroom, what was I _supposed_ to think?

My jaw dropped, just as the plate in my hand clattered into the sink spectacularly.

_Annnd, that's another 50 points of __stupid__ for Bella! She's won the game, folks! What kind of prize do we have for her, Bob?_

_Well, Steve, it's a steaming pile of mortification, and it comes with a FREE eternal supply of utter embarrassment! Congratulations, Miss Swan, it's a New World Record!_

Charlie laughed again, and patted me affectionately on the back.

"Why don't you go… straighten up your room, or do your homework, or something, kid? I'll take care of the kitchen tonight."

I just nodded, cheeks burning red, and walked towards to the stairs. By the time I was at my room, I could hear Charlie on the phone.

"Billy! Hey, there… Yeah, I was right!... I know! Would you believe, though…"

I slammed the door behind me, and stared at the bedlam that was my bedroom. Nope, still not in the mood. I was, however, very much in the frame of mind to scream, rant, and swear at the heavens for making me such a complete wool-headed idiot. But Charlie would hear that, and so would Billy, and then Jake… and then Sam, and Embry, and Quil, and-- UGH!!!

Desperate for something to do, I threw an ugly pink t-shirt off of my computer keyboard, and sat down, waiting impatiently for the ancient relic to turn on. I could check my email, and do some random searches on Wikipedia… maybe explore Google for some examples of _the line_, if I got adventurous.

It was just out of habit that I checked my mail-- no one ever wrote to me but my mom. The few kids in Phoenix that I'd been close with to exchange email addresses had lost their charms at just around the same time I saw Edward smiling crookedly at me, and I hadn't bothered to respond to the one or two obligatory messages they had sent last year. Really, I barely ever thought about them anymore, except during those few lonely seconds between the "You have 1 new message(s)" homepage and loading the actual inbox. A tiny part of me ached for one of them to be desperate to talk to me, to admit to missing my presence and desiring advice for some little crisis or other.

Surprisingly, the one unread message was not spam begging to sell me Viagra, but my mom. It was entitled, "Details." Curious, I clicked on it.

It contained only five words:

_I want them. Now!!_

_-Mom_

"CHARLIE!" I screamed. Mom was going to have to wait. First I'd clean my room, and then I'd kill my father. Later, after I disposed of the body, I'd call Renée. That way, when the investigators came over to search for evidence, they wouldn't think anything was amiss-- Charlie's fellow officers were sure to have heard him complain about my cleanly ways.

But where to begin in my room? I started by making my bed, and then by throwing all my clothes on top, organizing them by type of attire. A sleeve of my favorite overly-dressy red sweater was peeking out from deep under the bedframe. _How'd that get there?_ I tugged gently, but it was stuck on something. I always tried to avoid looking down there… it made me feel uncomfortable, but… my sweater was in danger!

I got down on hands and knees and felt around to find the source of the problem, but instead, I felt a piece of paper. Curiously, I pulled it out. It was delicately folded into thirds, and my name was written artistically across the front. _He _did _write me a letter! He's the sweetest, most wonderful, most…_ but there was absolutely no way that was Jake's handwriting, unless he had the most feminine scrawl in the history of the written word.

It was from someone I'd barely thought of for a second in the past three days, and who deserved better. A friend who understood and loved me. _Alice._

_

* * *

  
_

**Note: I sort of um… "overlooked" the concept of dialup, because it is an evil thing. Charlie decided to upgrade, okay?**


	14. Pecking order

**Jacob PoV**

The sickly sweet scent of ashed bloodsucker did nothing to improve my bad mood.

Wow, I picked a good time to act like a complete numbnut! Now Paul, the biggest dumbass of all time, and Quil, so green he couldn't even phase back to human yet, had gotten to take down a leech in an epic battle, and what did I get for skipping out on a measly hour of duty? _Grounded_, by Sam "The Alpha is God" Uley. Three days of no speaking to Bella. For _"recklessly endangering the pack._" As if I didn't already feel sorry _enough_ as it was.

_Phhhft! You don't feel sorry at all. _It was Embry. He pulled out images of Bella and me from the past two days, and, okay… yeah. So I wasn't really _sorry._ Well, maybe a little-- killing a bloodsucker would have made the day just about perfect, and that kind of burned. But, Bella… and me!

_Awwwww, Widdle Jakey-wakey got himself a giiiirlfriiiend. Yeah, that's toootally way more exciting than RIPPING A VAMP TO SHREDS ON YOUR FIRST DAY! THIS IS SO AWESOME!_ Quil could be annoying, even under normal circumstances, but inside my head? So much worse. He kept reliving the fight over and over again. Considering it had only taken about three minutes, and I'd been stuck babysitting him for the past _four_ hours… I was just about through with his crap. Right now he was trying to find out how much it would take to tire his new body out by running around me in mile-long circles, howling in excitement. I didn't get it; why was he so damn happy about this? About being a monster?

_BECAUSE IT'S GREAT! _With that, he started running faster, loping towards me with impressive speed… for someone who could barely walk less than 30 hours ago, anyway. _Suuh-laaam_, thought Embry. Of course, if Quil would stop yipping, leaping, and rolling around, he'd already be within sight.

_Quit acting like you're a big rabid puppy-dog!_ I criticized a little sulkily. _Try to have some damned dignity. You'll make us look bad if someone sees._

Embry barked a laugh. _Hypocrite much? _He pictured me, right after I'd transformed this afternoon… tripping over my feet in excitement, yowling… basically trying to shout, "I'm king of the world!" but with the wrong vocal cords. Yeeeah… that was embarrassing. But I got my head in the game pretty quickly after that. _Only cuz Sam just about _killed_ you!_ he sniped jovially.

I hated having people interrupt my thoughts… and that I had quoted _Titanic._ Having older sisters sucked, they polluted your mind.

I'd had to wait until I was pretty far into the forest before stripping and shape-shifting (in case Miss _Ogles_ was watching), and then everyone, the entire pack, started shouting at me, everything from excitement, fury, mocking insults, to genuine congratulations. It didn't take long to get the whole story, though: Sam took a quick break, leaving Paul in charge of getting Quil to transform back—because Paul was obviously such a damned expert at phasing—when _Genius_ Ateara smelled something odd, and started chasing the scent. It'd been only three miles away from Bella's front porch, and I'd have heard the battle if I hadn't been_, _well… busy. Paul, of course, figured out pretty quickly what the stink was, but Quil was nearer and dumber_, _so he cornered the thing _on his own_… and got his ass _handed _to him. Then Paul showed up in the nick of time, and ripped the thing's head off while he wasn't looking.

_My ass was perfectly fine, _Quil retorted. Paul's memory of a big brown body slamming into-- and knocking down-- a sizeable tree, disagreed. So did the creature's teeth a half inch away from a long bushy tail. If Paul had been one second later.... one bite was all it would have taken; there was no antidote to vampire venom. _Great, now he's got me thinking about it. _Quil just laughed.

_Man, if Paul hadn't of showed up, I could have ripped that thing apart solo! _Suuure he could. Because, see, Quil wasn't just any brand spanking new werewolf, he was _SUPERDOG._

_Your Bella's good at all that girly stuff, maybe you can get her to make him a nice pretty pink cape! _The image that came along with that was absolutely priceless, and Quil was so pissed he stopped running at me, and starting tracking Embry… which of course, was useless. Embry was almost as fast as me, and there was no way he'd get caught if he didn't want to be.

_HAH! Times have changed! _Quil announced confidently, dropping the frolicking act and picking up speed.

So damn arrogant! Maybe it was time for me to show him who was boss.

_Sure as Hell isn't YOU! _he howled excitedly_. _He was about to be rudely awakened, and I was going to enjoy it.

_Yeah right! I just got a kill my first time out. Prepare to be destroyed, loverboy!_

_Dude, you don't have a chance, _I said matter-of-factly. Embry agreed, adding _he beat the shit out of Paul last week!_

Quil and Embry argued long and hard about the facts, while I ran steadily towards Quil, wanting badly to get back home and go to sleep. It irked Quil to no end that I wasn't the least bit interested in arguing about my superior strength, that Embry was doing it for me. Finally, though, he just couldn't handle it anymore, and he crossed a line that I could not… _would not_ tolerate.

_Well…_ I'm_ not making out with a bloodsucker's _leftovers!

Embry's thoughts were nervously impressed by Quil's insult; but I felt rage, and frustration, and disgust. At Quil… at the Cullens. At Sam. This canine brain wasn't supposed to feel those emotions the way I felt them right now, it couldn't handle such complexities. I couldn't think about it, couldn't dwell on those evil fiends and what they'd done to her. It was too difficult...

So , I did what came so easily to me, what was tough for everyone else_ but_ me:I let go.

I released as much of my humanity as possible, and relaxed into my wolf body, letting my instincts take over. For me, this was effortless… feeling nothing but the pounding of my paws into the earth below, the wind rushing through my ears, and the beating of my heart. Thinking about nothing at all. It felt _right, _natural, and that was terrifying. I wasn't really a person right now, but a animal on the hunt. I _was_ a is what I needed right now; it kept my mind on task, free of the pains of last night as well as the joy of this afternoon. Because wolves couldn't feel scared for the past, or excited about the future; the future did not exist for them. There was only the present. The need to act on impulse. For me, that meant defending my position in the pack. Quil was trying to throw insults at me as we came nearer to one another, but it just proved how little he understood: monsters can't be mocked.

I met him in a little clearing, and as soon as we saw each other, we stopped. Quil's tail swished excitedly, but mine was rigid, all the fur on my back stood straight up. I snarled. He growled playfully… obviously he just didn't get it, he was still thinking in human terms. That I was his friend, that I wasn't actually going to hurt him. I lunged, and he reacted, our masses colliding at top speed a few seconds later. He was thrown several yards back in a spin, and I sprung at him again, while he was still on his back. His belly was exposed and I pounced just as he pulled his legs instinctively up to protect himself. It didn't help much, and he shrieked; I could feel how much pain I had just caused. A true wolf could feel no pity, though. My bared fangs snatched at his neck, tearing out tufts of brown fur, coming dangerously close to ripping out his throat. He scratched and roared, biting at my face and hammering his legs into my chest. But, I was stronger. Much stronger.

Just as my teeth were biting down, Embry's gray-black form showed up. _Relax! _he whined. _You're taking this too far, man!!_ … I had gotten out of hand, and he was prepping to attack me himself. Neither of them understood-- I wasn't _thinking, _I wasn't human. Stepping down firmly on Quil's neck, I turned my head over my shoulder to glare into Embry's eyes, snarling with an eerie, assertive calm, my hackles raised. It was a challenge, one that Embry had no chance of winning. So he dropped down, cringing away and forcing his nose into the dirt, whimpering. Embry knew his place, and I knew mine: it was above Quil.

Quil tried to use the brief distraction to escape, but I was already on top of him, frothing mouth closing on his throat. With renewed vigor, he bit at me, catching one of my ears and ripping a hole into it. I did not lose focus. Now, he was beginning to understand that I _wasn't_ playing.

_Submit,_ I demanded.

His body quivered, paws kicking into me and fangs chewing at my mangled ear, still so sure he could beat me. I pressed his neck hard into the ground, squeezing his esophagus, and started thinking like a man again.

_Quil, you need to admit this: I am stronger than you will ever be. There is nothing wrong with not being alpha._ The sheer serenity and sureness of my thoughts were so undeniably frank that he couldn't deny them for long. I showed him how it had felt for me… when I realized I wasn't in complete control of myself anymore. How upsetting it was to know that another had power over you. But it was alright now; I had learned, and even embraced it.

His hulking mass kept quivering for a little while, taking in huge breaths and panting loudly. His mind was reeling insanely. Finally, though, as I was cutting off the last of his air, he exhaled loudly, fully submitting.

I released him, and he stood apprehensively. When I didn't attack, he shook out his fur, sending dirt, blood, and little brown tufts flying everywhere. He approached me at a half crouch, placating, asking for forgiveness. It was amazing how certain wolf instincts came so naturally, were so ingrained. I stepped forward confidently, and bumped into his shoulder. I opened my mouth in a wide toothy grin, and let my tongue loll out. Things were always better once you accepted the facts, like I had.

_Now, let's see if we can get you back on two legs before midnight! _Embry stood then, too, and all our tails wagged, as content as could be.

It didn't take long after that. Truthfully, finding yourself that very first time _was_ hard, even for me. But I used my experience, and that of the rest of the pack, to gently coach Quil back into his human form. You had to focus on your human body, your human spirit, and separate it from your wolf; to accept that you were, truthfully, part wolf, and then to deny that part of you its right to manifest.

"Come on, let's find you some pants and go home," I announced after the three of us transformed, then added "You've got _some_ story to tell your grandfather!" He smirked, and Embry punched him in the shoulder. We took our time, walking back to La Push at a fast human pace; Quil was finally beginning to feel the exhaustion from not having slept in days.

I used the time to think about Bella. How was I gonna get around the stupid injunction? I _had_ to see her. To tell her everything was alright, because if I didn't, she'd think there was something to worry about, and then she'd cry more... I really hated it when she cried. _This is such bull. Man, if I was alpha, I'd never force anyone to do anything!_ I'd figure out a way to let her know. After all, Sam had said _speak_, not see… No matter how much trouble it got me into, it would be worth it. For her, anything.

Embry was good-naturedly asking for more details about the fight, and Quil went on and on, gesticulating hugely and turning himself into the hero _again_. I rolled my eyes, but then _I, too_, started to revisit the battle, and wonder about the dusted leech. He had eyes a frighteningly bright red, and smelled… strange. Still obviously a vampire, but at the same time, like a human. Like Bella had reeked from Alice, only much worse. There was a human completely wrapped up in that too-sweet scent… and it yet had also stunk like Victoria. So, he was connected to the redhead, but how? And vampires, they were supposed to be smart, and eternally young. This thing, though, had no idea how to fight, it just acted, even though it looked like a middle-aged man with Botox injections... it had been even dumber than Quil. Victoria was so much craftier... and that black-haired bloodsucker, if we hadn't surrounded him at 5-to-1 odds, it could have been bad. But this one, while had it had been so much stronger than either of those others, why was it so easy to kill? And why… why was it after Bella?

Suddenly, Embry wasn't just talking to Quil anymore. "Hey! Wanna work in the garage tomorrow?" I couldn't help but laugh. It was great, having my two best friends back, and being able to hang out again just like we used to. As if nothing had changed, instead of everything.


	15. Escape velocity

"It doesn't mean anything, it doesn't mean anything. Everything is fine, everything is fine," I murmured repeatedly after I screamed myself awake at 5AM. I didn't know why I was bothering… the mantra wasn't really helping except to give my mind something to focus on, to block out the horrors. Everything wasn't fine, and I knew it. I had been chanting something similar when I'd forced myself to sleep, but it hadn't prevented the nightmare from coming.

Nightmares… I hadn't had one in so long, I thought maybe they were over. This one had been devastating; I could still feel the terror coursing through me, but as I tried to relive it, to divine some deep insight on my soul as was so often the case, it dissolved. Completely disappeared. The jarring sensation was horrifying and unfamiliar… I _always_ remembered my nightmares. They would haunt my for days, and repeat themselves over and over as I tried to live my life pretending not to be haunted by them. Somehow, this empty terror was much worse; what had been so terrible that my mind forced me to forget it?

It was the letter. I must have read the end a hundred times last night, but I couldn't really grasp at it right now, couldn't really _believe_, with my mind still thick from exhaustion. Did it really…_say_ that? Could _it_ have been the dream? Hesitantly, I reached over to the trashcan, and dug into the bottom, pulling out the wadded-up note. My heart sank; it was real. And no matter what it said, it still spoke of my betrayal. How could I have forgotten Alice? One of the closest friends I ever had… completely ditched, for a _boy_. My boy. My Jacob, who loved me, who would get me through this, no matter what.

I smoothed the unlined paper open carefully, rubbing it between my fingers as gently as possible; the paper was so thin, like tissues. Alice's delicate little cursive scrawl was easy to blur out, and I stared blankly at it for a long time… praying it didn't say what I knew it did. Eventually, though, I could avoid it no longer, and after blinking away the tears, I focused my eyes.

_Dear Bella,_

_I'm sorry to leave you without saying goodbye, but my family is having a problem, and I need to be there for them. Don't worry, everything will be alright! … I think. I would tell you what happened, but I really don't know for sure, myself._

_Stop fretting, I know you already are, but you do not have permission to continue. All will be well. You're still fussing! Grrr! Am I feeling a smile coming on? Yes? Yes? Much better! No… don't start thinking bad thoughts again…NO! Stop worrying about us! And no, it's not your fault. Come on, Isabella, can't you do as you're asked? Don't you love me?_

_Yes! You do. Gosh! You had me concerned for a second._

_With any luck, I'll __see__ you again soon. Speaking of which, I "somehow" found your birthday present from Carlisle and Esme. It would be a great disservice to them if you don't use those tickets before the expiration date—they won't get a refund so don't you dare try to save them the money! Please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease, don't hurt Esme's feelings! She would just love it if you did something fun with them, like… Oh, I don't know…! You can use them to come see ME, and we'll have such fun! I envision… entire new wardrobes for both of us! And maybe a makeover or two! Yes, that sounds lovely, don't you think?_

_If and when you need me, no matter what, I'll be there. How about NYC, or Milan? You have a passport, right? Of __course__ you do! Just send me an email, and we'll figure everything out together!_

_Remember that you're not alone, okay? AND STOP BEING SUCH A WORRYWART! It's bad for the complexion._

_Miss you already,_

_Alice_

_PS: Don't feel bad! It's okay that you forgot about me, I understand. As I write this, you are outside making quite a racket with all this laughing and carrying on about some silly little kiss. Dog germs, gross!_

_Congratulations dearest, I hope all goes well… even if he does smell awful. There's just no accounting for taste, I guess!_

If only the darn letter had ended there! I could have laughed about it a little, felt guilty and fretted, and then cried myself to sleep… before dreaming about kissing in the rain. That would have been just perfect. But unfortunately, "if only" couldn't make the words squished at the very bottom of the page go away.

_PPS: See reverse._

That was the worst part, right there. Because that first time, when I finished the letter, I had thought there must be some funny little final comment, and I had flipped it over quickly, excitedly. Sad that the letter was over so soon, and depressed that I had lost her, of course, but I had already started planning an exciting summer break to make amends.

This time, I knew. It was as though I had just finished a reread of a sweet little fluffy romance novel, and I fearfully turned the last page knowing that instead of a tearfully beautiful "and they lived happily ever after," there was the most horrible epilogue of all time; one that succinctly ruined the splendor of everything that preceded it. No… they did not live happily ever after, far from it. Instead, he gave her syphilis. How romantic.

Alice's final words were deliberately precise, and the font was so tiny that it was difficult to read:

_Edward won't be pleased I told you, but you have the right to know. Sometimes, I can still see you joining our family._

… That one sentence completely ruined my life. Everything I had been building towards with Jacob. All my happiness. Gone. It broke every single rule I had made since September… to think those thoughts. That world was lost to me, gone forever. I would age and die in this horribly imperfect body, because Edward didn't want me.

I felt as though the last little piece of my heart had disappeared. Vanished, into the hole in my chest… the hole that no one could see, but that burned and bled and screamed at me. The hole that told me I was dead, and worthless without Edward. It was the hole that had turned me into a zombie for four months… had tainted everything in my life that was touched by _him, _and demanded their sacrifice: my blue shirts, the camera, the stereo system, music in general.

_No… no no no no!_ It wasn't true. Alice was just being crazy. And cruel. I thought she was my friend! I thought she would understand how much this would hurt me…a lie like that. Alice, _saw_ me becoming a vampire? She could see that? That meant that I wanted it, and someone else decided to change me… at the same time. Of course, I always wanted it. _Always?_ I didn't want to die! Not ever.

But… in these past few days, with Jacob, I could see a different life. One that had me whole, and alive, and even _happy. _Because… he loved me. And, I cared about him. I worried, and I panicked, and I missed him when he was gone. Even right now, I wanted him to be holding my hand. He made me laugh, even when I didn't think I could. And, he knew me, _so_ well. Better than I knew myself, even. No matter that he was right, that I was still in love with Edward. I loved Jake, too.

Alice must just have been dreaming or something. There was no way I would ever become a vampire now. The thought of making Edward suffer through an eternity of my unrequited adorations, was just horrid, and… Jacob. I couldn't just leave my… well, whatever he was. My savior. He loved me, and that mattered. If I became a Cullen, would my life really be better? Edward would still not want me; Jake would hate me; Charlie and Renée... But, I could be perfect and beautiful forever. At what cost? It was just, so unlikely... _too_ unlikely to get my hopes up. Why bother?

I would just have to pretend the letter didn't exist. It wouldn't be difficult; I'd become an expert at avoiding certain thoughts. But, how to dispose of the evidence? Burning would be effective… but, Alice? My last little bit of her, and so much of it had felt like she'd been standing there, talking to me, instead of long gone. I missed her, now that I remembered her. Inspecting the letter critically, I noted that there was an inch-wide border around all edges, and that the offensive portions of the message all fell inside that border. Clever Alice, she must have done this intentionally! She had just been… hopeful, I guess. Her reasoning was irrelevant, though, because I had a solution.

Delicately, I laid the note on my desk, and then went about, making my bed and tidying my room as quietly as I could. At precisely 7AM, when everything looked just about pristine, I sat at my chair and brandished a ruler and a pair of scissors. I made the letter _perfect_.

When I finished, I slid it into an old hardcover copy of the complete works of Jane Austen. With luck, by the time I bothered to open the ancient and forbidden tome again, the missing portion would be but an indistinct memory, maybe even nothing more than a bad dream or two. The little dissected edges worried me for a moment… but I ended up painstakingly tearing them into little confetti bits, and throwing them out my window. My window… the hole had shrieked at its continued existence in my life. It had begged for me to destroy it. To rid myself of the constant reminder of my nighttime companion. But, Charlie would have noticed, so I had resisted it. Now, as I threw what I was certain was the last significant shred of that lost sparkling future, I felt closure.

It was unsurprisingly a very foggy morning, but as I gazed wistfully out at the early light, I still saw the hulking shape lurking by the tree line. A long fluffy brown tail slowly swished back and forth, but its body was mostly concealed in shadows. _Jacob?_

What could he be doing outside my house at this early in the morning? Had he really been guarding me all night? Wasn't he at _all_ worried that Charlie might notice him? My poor Jake, getting even less sleep than me! He must have been waiting for me to notice him, because he took a tentative step towards the house, obviously wanting me to come out. I could use a _good morning_ kiss or two, at any rate, to ease my mind… but not yet! There were teeth and hairs to be brushed, and clothes to be worn; he'd just have to be patient. I held up a hand to him, asking him to _wait._ The shadowy form nodded, and I shot around the house, getting ready as quickly as possible.

When I ran out the back door, the wolf was nowhere in sight, which really wasn't that surprising, seeing as he had probably phased. Maybe he was hiding, preparing to scare me. _What a stinker_. Well, I wasn't going to be caught off guard!

"Jacob?!" I called in a loud whisper, walking apprehensively towards the trees. _No screaming, no screaming! _Silence followed, for several long minutes. I was _not_ going to give him any more ammunition to tease me, I would just stand here and wait until he tried to shock me, and then I'd mock him for putting in so much effort. No more ammo, dangit!

All my preparation went to naught, however, as a sudden tap on my arm almost made me shriek. I spun around, trying to land myself in his arms, excited to release the tension from our time apart. When he didn't catch me, though, I fell flat on my already bruised butt. Preparing to send scathing remarks on gentlemanly behavior, I looked up at the tall shirtless boy. But… it wasn't Jacob. This was a completely different half-naked young man, and he was glowering at me in a way that was unimaginable on Jake's face.

"…Jared? What are you doing here?" I spluttered as I hastily got to my feet.

"What do you _think_?" Jared snorted, and then scowled. "I've been guarding you, and I have a message from Jake." My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.

"Oh no! Is he alright? What happened? Did Victoria… did she..." Jared flared his nostrils impatiently, and I stopped guessing.

"Jake's fine, he's just pissed off." He narrowed his eyes in irritation.

"Um…?" I asked, hoping he wasn't as mad as Mr. Grumpy-face here.

"He _'asked'_ me to tell you that he can't come over for the next few days, but that he's fine, so don't worry." I wondered at the scathing emphasis on "asked," as if Jake could order around this second most senior member of the pack.

I frowned "Why can't he visit me?" Jared didn't respond.

"Hello? Jared? Why can't he come over?" Jared sent an aggravated glare in my direction, but didn't meet my eyes. What had I ever done to him, apart from making him lose a stupid bet by _not_ vomiting? Gosh, he held quite the grudge.

"He's not allowed to." Not _allowed_ to? I thought that since I knew everything, I was a member of the group now... part of Jacob's team… not quite in the pack like Emily, but, certainly not chopped liver. _Maybe Billy doesn't want me around, polluting his son…_that didn't really fit, though, because Billy never told his son to do much of anything.

Jared _knew _I wanted to hear details, but he wouldn't explain, except in the vaguest manner possible."Temporary injunction."

"What do you mean? _SAM's _not letting him see me? What did I do?" He rolled his eyes up to the sky, and barked a laugh.

"You women!" he proclaimed. _Huh?_ That didn't seem fair. Sam Uley was getting _married_, and he wasn't letting Jake hang out with a… a… friend? Was there something wrong with girls? Just because we couldn't phase or didn't run around mostly in the buff? What, had it turned into the _He-Man Woman Haters Club?_ Jared softened up a little when he saw how upset I was, but he still didn't look quite like the most understanding messenger.

"Nothing exactly," he said grudgingly, which I guessed was in response to my last question, although I had to have done _something_ wrong. "But if he hadn't been macking on you, he wouldn't be in such deep shit." he laughed, then, a little less moody, and turned back into the forest, already untying his baggy sweatpants' drawstrings. I averted my eyes, but I wasn't about to let him just slip away.

"Hey! Wait a second!" I called after him, wanting to follow him in, but… The forest… I couldn't go in _there!_

He came back, holding his pants up with one hand, not bothering to hide his irritation. Why were his sweats so… huge? They had to be about four sizes too big! And then, for no reason in particular, it hit me: Jared probably knew every single torrid detail of the past three days. Maybe Sam was trying to protect Jake from a confirmed tease, and hoped that time apart would force him to see the light. Oh _gosh_! Jared knew about the… and the… and... _Edward_!

"I need to go, okay? I'm off duty now, and I don't want to be late for school. He'll explain on Thursday." He turned to go, but then spun around, with a great big smirk plastered on his face.

"Oh yeah, and don't call him… or… actually! _Do_!" He grinned at me in an unfriendly way. I was so confused… what was Jared's problem with me? He hadn't been like this at Emily's! "It'd be pretty funny if you did."

"Funny?"

"Yep. So, do me a favor, and if you do decide to call him, tell me first, so I can watch him squirm." He grimaced oddly, obviously holding back a laugh. "Take care, Bella. Don't get eaten." He didn't sound too insincere, and he disappeared before I formulated another question. Maybe Jake had been more than just a bit late for duty or something… But really, _three days?_ That seemed excessive.

School passed in a blur again. People talked at me, but I didn't really listen. Much as I wanted to ignore the remnants of a lost future scattered across my backyard, I couldn't stop them… and Alice, from sifting through my mind… and my three sunless days. Why was this happening? What cruel act of fate could separate us just now, when I needed him so badly? When I had come to such a profound realization: acceptance of my mortality? At lunch, Mike Newton asked me loudly if I had any plans in the evening, and I was so disgusted that I managed to nod before I returned to staring at the clock, willing it to be Thursday. It wasn't, and it continued to not be Thursday throughout the rest of the afternoon.

It still wasn't when Charlie got home, and we ate dinner in almost absolute silence. He uncharacteristically tried to get me to open up, but I wasn't interested in talking. There wasn't anything to tell, except _I miss Jake…_ And then, when I went up to my room… and sent a very brief message to Renée;

_Mom,_

_Charlie is the biggest gossip of all time._

_Nothing to write home about._

_-Bella_

_PS: Yet_

my email provider told me it was mailed at 8:33 PM on Tuesday, March 21st, which had to be wrong. Surely it was Wednesday, at the very least? The news websites all also claimed it wasn't Wednesday, and I was so horribly disappointed that I laid down in bed. Sleep came to me surprisingly quickly, though, and ended too soon, _again_. This time, though, I could remember what had made me scream awake:

_I was on the La Push beach, and it was cold, and dreary. The sun was coming up soon, but I had to wait. A blurred man's form appeared, and it came towards me, resolving into Jacob, barechested as always._

"_I'll keep you safe," he said confidently, and he walked forward, long arms outstretched. I embraced him willingly, excited to be protected. It came as no surprise when our lips touched._

_He kissed me for a long time, and we braided our fingers into each others' hair-- his was very long again, although it hadn't been a few moments before. It didn't bother me, though. Nothing did. We kissed, and we were happy, and then I pulled away from him to speak… but the scenery had changed, and suddenly, my back was pressed into a tree. I couldn't remember moving, but here we were. No longer on the beach, but in the woods, surrounded by enormous tree trunks. I was only confused for a moment, before Jacob grinned encouragingly._

"_It's time for the next step!"_

_I nodded, unafraid. This is what I'd been waiting for. And then I was touching him, and we were kissing again, and I was so engaged in all the wonderful sensations that I didn't notice that his hand had slid underneath my shirt. The shirt that was blue. Edward's blue. I yelled in horror._

"_NO! It's not safe!" But I was too late._

_His fingers, they had disappeared… into the hole. The black hole in my chest. He tried to pull away, but he wasn't strong enough. His smile vanished, replaced by a look of shock, disgust, and pain. Agony, as it sucked him in, pulling, pulling, and I was powerless to stop it. His hand sunk slowly into my stomach, and then he was screaming, and I was screaming, and…_

I changed my mind; I'd rather not remember the nightmares anymore. I would rather I never dreamed, or slept, again, which apparently was still a viable option. I pushed that poison from my mind immediately. That look on his face… I knew that was the look he would give me if he ever found out about the extent of the hole. I couldn't explain it to him; he'd never understand! I would just have to tell him that I changed my mind about skipping steps, and hope he took the hint and never came back. Besides, the way I felt? There was absolutely no way Jake could make this feel better. I had to have been imagining his ability to affect my mood. It must have been an illusion… and we both knew how good I was at making those. I would tell him that.

As expected, nothing even mildly interesting happened at school, except that Mike asked me, _again_, if I was busy in the afternoon. _Why can't he just move on?_ I told him I was… Very Busy. A full afternoon of wallowing in self-pity, followed by terribly poignant nightmares, and then it would be Thursday… and I would tell Jacob never to come near me again. And, God willing, he probably had already come to the same conclusion with the help of his Alpha.

I kept swearing to myself that this time, _this time_, I would really say it. Because the dream was right, and so was Sam Uley. The hole in my chest was going to suck the happiness out of him, and he'd turn into a wasted empty shell, just like me. Then all the plants and trees would die, because there would be no sun to warm them, and it would be my fault. All my fault, and I could never forgive myself for doing that to him. The hole roared its approval.

Somehow, during the monotony that was high school, I must have gotten my days confused; maybe Tuesday had actually been _two_ days. It made sense, at any rate; it had felt like months stretching out endlessly, longer and more drawn out than all the zombie days combined. It _had_ to be Thursday, though, because when I got to my truck, my downcast eyes spotted two bare feet obstructing my path to the door. Grimy, and enormous… _beautiful_ russet feet. I looked up, startled, and there he was, smiling at me.

When a man, after having been lost in the desert for days with no nourishment, suddenly stumbles upon water, he doesn't check to make sure he has permission to drink it, or wonder why it appeared in the first place. Instincts take over: the need to protect oneself, to stop the pain. That was how I found myself, despite an entire parking lot full of spectators, kissing Jacob Black without even taking a second to say "hello."


	16. Exhibition

**The Doug reference is in this chapter… Seriously, if you got it, you win! Like, a big gift of some sort… We'll figure out what when you tell me where it is, though (-;**

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_I really am insane_, I realized as I was about to pull into my driveway, still in shock that I hadn't actually died of embarrassment. I mean, honestly, how out of character could a person get? A half-second of staring at his _feet_, and it was as if my brain had ceased to function. Everything I'd been planning on saying had just… completely shot out of my mind. Things really were different when he was with me, and even though I knew I'd been right earlier, I just couldn't care. When Jake was holding me, things just felt _right_, and nothing else mattered.

The drive had been silent, apart from the first two minutes, wherein I had chanted "_the whole school"_ repeatedly, while squeezing the steering wheel as tightly as I could. There had been several near-accidents, when feeling Jacob's eyes on me had caused tingles to travel up my backbone, but I had made it to the turn into my driveway, without hurting anything or anyone, and that was what counted.

"That Principal seems like a nice guy," Jake said suddenly. I jerked the wheel reflexively, and something crashed into my right front tire. _The mailbox_. I slammed on the breaks, and the truck lurched to a halt.

"DARN IT, Jake!" I shouted. "I told you, NOT. ONE. WORD!"

"Jeeeze, Bells… I thought it was safe." He opened the door and hopped out, whistling dramatically as he picked up a huge chunk of wood that had once been a sturdy post. "Nice work!" he called.

"Euuh," I grunted, slumping over and dropping my forehead into the steering wheel. It had been intended as an overly-dramatic expression of exasperation, but I misjudged the spacing, and bashed into it pretty hard. " OWW!" Grrreat, like I needed something _else_ to addle my brain. I heard Jake drop the post, and in seconds, he had slid across the bench seat, unbuckled me, and pulled me gently into his lap.

"You alright, silly?" he whispered, ghosting a kiss across my forehead as he wrapped his arms around me. Automatically, I snuggled closer to him; the heat was intoxicating, and it always made me feel like I'd been freezing.

"I'm fine," I sighed. "It's just so embarrassing." His chest rumbled.

"I don't see what you have to be upset about, you're not the one who got called a… what was it again?" He huffed in mock-concentration… "Oh yeah, a _predator_, trying to take advantage of innocent young—"

"Don't remind me!" I buried my face into his chest, and he chuckled warmly. "I have never been so humiliated in my entire life!"

"You really threw me for a loop, you know…" He raised a hand, gesturing vaguely. "There I was, just hoping for a hug or something… but no, _not you_." I whimpered, and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block the images out, and the sounds of the jeers and catcalls. "You have to be all unpredictable, don't you? I had you pegged for someone who wasn't into PDA… boy, was I wrong!"

"Where was all your freaking restraint _then, _Jake? It could have been really useful." I grumbled, pulling myself tighter to him, and willing that those excruciating moments with the principal, and all my peers, could be permanently erased from everyone's memory. I could still remember the whole thing, though, so it clearly didn't work.

"What was I _supposed_ to do? You kind of …" he shrugged. "Attacked me." _Oh God!_ That's exactly what had happened. Surely, it had only been moments, though, before that stern hand had pulled me away, with Mr. Greene berating us both. _In full volume_, in front of the entire senior class.

"Please," I entreated. "Stop being a smart-aleck for just one minute, I don't want to think about it anymore." He opened his mouth to retort, probably in total opposition to my request, but I put my hand in front of his lips and gazed into his eyes seriously. _Please_, I mouthed. Jake always had to laugh at everything, and I liked that about him, normally. But, this had just happened, and I wasn't ready to find it funny—could I _ever_? It felt like it had been taken directly out of a cheesy dream sequence in a teen movie, the difference being that I wasn't going to startle myself awake in study hall, with a big paper-crease on my forehead and a puddle of drool all over my essay on silt. It was all so _horrific_.

Thankfully, he seemed to get it after a moment or two of earnest eye contact. All the while, I could feel myself slipping, drowning pleasantly in those big dark pools of his. He sighed and kissed my fingertips. I loved how he just _understood_, sometimes. Like he could read my thoughts, almost. Being so close to him kept that notion from being too painful.

"Well, it was good to find out you missed me, too," he murmured, lowering his cheek to rest it on my head. We both relaxed perceptibly, and it felt so nice, to just be held by him. Safe, and warm in a quiet embrace, free of horrid thoughts... of all anxieties, all annoyances…

Well, that is until he started snoring, not three minutes later. Irritation, though, was quickly replaced by fond, tender concern for his wellbeing. A part of me, the part that hadn't had a good night's sleep in days, wanted to nestle up and take a nap, as well. _Why not?_ I nuzzled into him a little bit more, pressing my lips softly against his chest, and slowly inhaled his woodsy fragrance. With it came the contentment he always exuded, the feeling that _everything is fine_. Something I couldn't believe without him around. I'd have fallen asleep in moments, if my stupid brain hadn't kicked in.

_Puddles of drool… _the image came back. People drool in their sleep sometimes. That was normal; it wasn't really a big deal. But, if he woke up, and found a big dribbly mess all over his chest? I doubted I could handle that much more embarrassment, especially today. And then… _his _mouth was wide open, a deep guttural rasp consistently reverberating my eardrums. _Euuwh…_ What if he slobbered on my _HAIR_? It made my insides churn. There was really no way I could get out of the truck without waking him, though, and I couldn't do that. Not when he was only this tired because he was always out protecting _me._

"Jake?" I whispered quietly. "I'll make a deal with you… you don't drool on me, and I won't drool on you… okay?" One of his snores sounded oddly like _sure, sure_; and I took that as agreement.

When I woke up, what felt like moments later, I was on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket rather than Jake's arms. _Bummer! _I sat up and looked around, expecting to find him dozing in Charlie's chair, but I was alone. After yawning and stretching spectacularly, I wandered into the kitchen, thinking he might be in there, but he wasn't. Well, maybe he'd had to leave for duty. _But without saying goodbye?_ That sucked.

As I puttered around, compulsively scrubbing the sink in agitation, I couldn't keep the terrible thoughts from showing up. I tried to focus on the new-and-improved Alice letter, but nothing could keep the truth from corrupting the decision I had made so confidently only recently. _Who wants me to become a vampire, besides Alice?_ I had no answer. But, if I found out, I had absolutely no idea what I would decide, if given the choice. Why couldn't I stick to my guns anymore? It used to be that I could fret, and obsess over every little detail of a choice, but once the decision was made, I felt peace. There was no peace right now, only confusion.

It wasn't right, that I was so crazy. Jake didn't deserve to get stuck with a kook like me. Why couldn't I keep my resolve around him? Why did it feel like everything was dark when he was gone? I knew why: it was Edward, always Edward. Jake made Edward disappear, but when my sun left, _he_ would return, bringing with him all the painful reminders of what had been the happiest months of my life. It wasn't _really _him, or the hallucinations, of course, it was just… the hole. The darned hole.

"Edward," I said aloud, in a firm voice. "I want you to leave me alone now." I said it with such finality, that I was certain it would do some good, but it didn't. The hole laughed, mocking my feeble attempts.

_You don't mean it_, it taunted at me cruelly. _You're still in love with him._

"No." I hissed severely.

_Yes you are! Don't bother denying it. If he came back, you would drop your little _sun_ in a heartbeat. And, you'd drop the heartbeats, too. _I gritted my teeth, refusing to acknowledge its insightfulness.

"You are just my subconscious trying to screw with me. I am not going to talk to an imaginary hole in my chest _ANY MORE_!" My stomach pulsated slowly, and I shook with fear. Because the hole, it was real. It was real, and it was angry now, and it demanded sacrifice. I had nothing to give it, and panic filled me.

Just then, I heard an unmistakable thundering coming from the driveway. It was my truck, and while I hadn't even realized it was gone, I instantly knew who'd be driving it. _Bite me, stupid hole!_ It couldn't face Jacob, and we both knew it.

Running outside, I waved at him animatedly. He parked it and jumped out, but instead of coming towards me, he reached into the truck bed and pulled out a brand new wooden post. _Oh! He's just the sweetest thing!_

"Hey there, Sleeping Beauty!" he called pleasantly. He quickly read the "ohmigosh, puppies!" look that was quivering my lower lip, and grinned in amusement. "Well, I figured it _was_ kind of my fault, but don't get _too_ excited…" he coughed significantly, and pulled my wallet out of his jeans pocket. I smiled brightly, resting my hand on his arm… _conveniently_ it was the one with the bulging bicep from holding the post. Looking into his eyes and batting my lashes ridiculously, I experimentally squeezed it. _Wow._

"No, I'm glad! I would have felt really bummed if you'd paid _and_ done all the labor," I said breathlessly, trying to keep a blush from playing across my cheeks.

"Riight…" he muttered, clearly not fooled by my stratagem. He walked around the truck towards the mangled mailbox, and I followed awkwardly at his side, not willing to relinquish my grasp yet—it was so firm, and round… yet squeezable!

"Could you, uh… do me a favor?" he said suddenly, as he dropped his burden on the ground.

"Sure Jake, anything!" I replied, thrilled to help him out.

"Go inside and, I dunno. Cook something, or whatever… you're kinda creeping me out!"

My smile faded away instantly. "Why?" Had I gone too far with the… the groping?

"Oh come on! It'll only take me a few minutes to fix this thing; I think you can survive without me for _that _long." He patted me on the head affectionately and set about his work, not noticing my pained expression.

"I'm not so sure about that," I whispered as I walked into the house. The hole was screaming at me again before the front door banged shut.


	17. Kyphophobia

I had to tell Jake that he had two courses of action ahead of him: Either he never ever, ever, EVER left me alone again, even for a minute… or he was going to have to leave right now, and never see me again. I couldn't deal with the oscillating halves of my brain wobbling my every thought when he wasn't around. When he didn't have his arms around me… When I didn't know that he was safe, and I was safe. When it didn't feel like we were the only two people in the universe.

He had entered the kitchen no more than ten minutes after I had, and upon seeing my haggard expression, had simply crossed the floor and embraced me for a long, long time. We had just held each at first, but when I initiated a kiss, he had complied without complaints, and for once, he had been pleasantly void of snarky comments. His hands had gradually lowered from my waist to slide into the back pockets of my jeans, and it felt a bit like sitting in a heated seat, only while standing up. Still, I was yearning for a little something more. When he finally released me from the last kiss, a sweet and chaste one as always, I sighed discontentedly, and leaned my forehead against his chest.

The thought made me tense. More? Wasn't I just about to tell him to leave me? What, did I want him to kiss me _more_¸ when I was never supposed to see him again? That was what was best, right? I knew it was, because as soon as he was away from me again, the hole would exact its revenge, and I would be powerless to stop it. I had to let him go, to rebuild myself. _Had_ to.

Whispering into his skin, I mustered up all my courage and said, "Jacob, this isn't going to work." _I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry!_ This was the best course of action for him, I could stay the path. He would be alright in a week or so… I would stay wrecked for all eternity, but I could save him!

He pulled his hands away, looking horrified, and backed into the kitchen table; his palms stretched out wide in front of him, pleading, imploring, repentant…

"Oh no… Bella, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to… I won't do it again, I promise. I won't push… I'm so sorry. I won't! Please, don't." Huh? This threw me completely off guard; what had he done wrong? And now the pain was radiating from him, and it pulled at me in an agonizing fashion. I was neither sadist nor masochist, and since causing him injury also hurt me, I just couldn't take it. That was how I'd gotten into this mess in the first place. What was he so sorry for, anyway?

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, bewildered. He looked surprised, and I looked surprised right back, and somewhere in our confusion, I found some truth: I couldn't just end this… this thing we had. No matter that it was the right thing to do. We had passed the point of no return; I _needed_ him in my life, and he wanted me in his.

We stared intently at each other for a long time, both searching, and I found what I was looking for. I didn't have to meditate on the zombie months to know that having Jake in my life was a necessity for my own happiness. It occurred to me, _shockingly_, that trying to martyr myself for him was never going to work. Not only did _I_ not have the strength to abandon him, but Jacob would never let me, not when he knew me so well. We were both in it for the long haul, and I really didn't mind at all. _What about me?_ the hole asked furiously, causing my eyes to narrow.

Jake winced, and I wondered again what he possibly could have done that would make me mad at him.

"I dunno, but you… you were just about to tell me that we couldn't be together anymore." His eyes dug into mine. "Weren't you?" I raised my eyebrows in genuine surprise; why was he always so _right?_ Quickly, I recovered myself, and rearranged my facial expressions into an amused and incredulous smirk. _A diversion… quick! Change the subject!_

"I'll make a deal with you," I said, tweaking his nose. He pulled away in confusion, pushing the table several inches backwards with a loud _creeeak._ "You tell me what you were apologizing for, and I'll tell you what I was thinking about." He nodded hesitantly. _Crap!_ What was I supposed to tell him?

He blushed sheepishly. Oh, how I loved the color of his skin, even though it made me feel all pasty and plain. Why did all the boys I liked have to be so _pretty_? Weren't _girls_ supposed to be the good-looking ones in relationships? Relationships…was Jacob my…? _Waaait a second_… What was I planning to say, again? Oh, I hadn't thought of anything yet. He still hadn't spoken, so I crossed my arms and tapped my foot impatiently, giving him the _exasperated teacher_ glare I had learned from my mother.

"Well… um… Bella. I was um, kissing you, and…" Darker blush. Gosh, he looked so cute when he was embarrassed, so much the boy I had met on the beach, and flirted at to such effect. Flirtation really was an excellent weapon, come to think of it. I should practice more, seeing as recent attempts had been a disaster.

I leaned my head downward, my hair falling from behind my ears and hiding most of my face. Then I looked up with just my eyes, and batted my lashes at him in a "come hither" manner. It worked so well I thought he was going to pass out. This was just too much fun, and evil! I loved this power! _I am woman, hear me roar!_

"and I … my hands, they… uh, your jeans, I …er…" He stammered himself into silence, and I burst out laughing. I guess he _had _put his hands in my pants, hadn't he?Aa little different, but it certainly hadn't felt awkward to _me_ earlier, so it really wasn't that big of a deal.

"Was that all? Jeeze, Jake." I rolled my eyes and play-punched him in the arm. "Stop apologizing so much, it's really annoying."

"Well, uh, sorry!" he said, trying to smile, but still looking uncomfortable. "Dang, I thought maybe I was..." he looked at me speculatively. "Okay, so what were _you_ thinking?"

"Psshht!" I snorted at him, and spun around to face the kitchen sink, pretending to clean the spotless stainless steel surface. "If I had known you were thinking such drivel, I wouldn't have offered. I'm not sure you could handle what I was thinking, it was on another maturity level entirely, one that you clearly haven't reached."

"That is not. Fair." He grunted, and I could feel him scowling… really, how demonic could I be? Torturing him was too much fun. There was no way he'd let this slide, though, so what was I supposed to tell him? _Sorry Jake! I was going to tell you to go away and never come back, but to never leave me again. You can handle that, right? _Yes, that would make perfect sense. I scrubbed furiously. S_critch scritch_ went the steel wool against the faucet, in a repetitive motion I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop.

One of his great big warm hands closed around my shoulder and squeezed gently, and I froze.

"Please." He whispered in that delicious husky voice. "Please, I'll try to understand." My knees went weak. _No fair, no fair at all_. I turned around slowly, with absolutely no plans on what to say. When my eyes were exactly level with his well-sculpted pectoral muscles--_no shirt _again_, what was he trying to _do_ to me? I thought we had already established that a shirt-and-shoes-required policy would prevent things from getting out of hand-- _I was struck with a most brilliant scheme. Poor boy, he had no chance… I could almost hear that evil scientist maniacal laughter. _Muhaaha ha ha ha haaa._

I gently placed a chilled fingertip against his chest, right above the belly button, and craned my head to look into his eyes. When he was this close, it really hurt my neck… he was just _too_ tall. He had well over a foot on me already, and didn't boys keep growing until they were around 21? Not cool; I was such an ugly, pale little shrimp next to this behemoth.

"Well, Jacob… I've been worried a lot about your health." I could see the gears in his brain sputter to a stop, and a corner of my mouth quirked up, trying to betray me. One little step closer to him, and the heat radiating from his form was warming me, frying my brain. Like it didn't already turn to putty whenever I looked at him.

"You see, with all the… stooping... you've been doing lately, lowering yourself to my level… you're going to get serious spinal problems, and I just don't see how I can allow this behavior to continue." He was speechless. I let my eyes slowly lower from his face, and slide down his body, lingering on all the nice parts (everything was very nice indeed), until they rested on his enormous bare feet. They were pretty, too, somehow artistic even with the grubbiness. So… manly. There should be a statue made in honor of his perfect feet. _NO! I do _not _have a foot fetish. _What was I thinking about again? Oh, stooping, yes… I very slowly and deliberately kicked off my sneakers.

"I just don't see how this relationship can continue in this unequal manner. It's not fair to you." Apart from his steady breathing, he didn't move.

I delicately positioned one foot at a time on top of each of his, and gripped at his biceps with both hands, for support. With my skin touching his, it was impossible to feel guilty for what I was doing-- manipulating him in this dangerous manner. Slowly, carefully, I raised myself up onto tiptoes, and then wrapped both arms around his neck. He was still a good four inches taller than me, but this was definitely a better vantage point. Finally, it seemed like he was going to remember how to speak.

"Buuh…" he stuttered.

"Shh, shhh," I crooned. "I'm willing to work on solutions… if you want."

He lowered his neck hesitantly, but paused, trying to regain focus on the discussion, and clearly failing. _I should randomly change the subject and leave the room. That'd really cook his goose._ Sadly, as fun as that would be, I had no such willpower.

"You're just trying to…" I hushed him with a finger lightly pressed to his warm lips.

"Trying to make things better. I don't want to hurt you, Jacob." I cupped his chin maternally, though my intentions were anything _but_. _Stop it, NOW! _shouted the hole. I was evil, I was the spawn of…

The thoughts disappeared when he joined his mouth to mine. Perfection, as always. So soft, so sweet…and the scent of him. I was vaguely aware that a watered-down version of this hyper-masculine odor had been distasteful just a few months ago, when my nose wrapped around it in gym class. Now… it made me finally understand unplanned pregnancies... how you could lose yourself with another person, so completely, that nothing else mattered.

So _chaste_, though, this kiss. Gentle, pre-pubescent. I wasn't feeling at all virtuous at the moment, and here he was, _shirtless,_ yetnobly trying not to push _me_ into anything? His fingers encircled my waist and squeezed. Well, screw that. _He'll forgive me,_ was the last thought I had before my lips parted, and I forced my tongue into his mouth.

He was surprised, there was no doubt, but he didn't try to stop me. In fact, after less than two seconds, he joined in, and we explored each other excitedly for what could have been an eternity. It was all so… _strange_. Wasn't this supposed to be gross? The concept was so disgusting-- _swapping spit-- _and I'd groaned in revulsion when Renée had kissed anyone like this in front of me… groaned in the I-wish-I-had-someone-to-try-that-with-but-I'm-never-going-to-and-ew-it's-my-mom kind of way. But Jacob… tasted wonderful, like unsweetened tea that had been left to cool just enough to be the exact right temperature. And the textures, were just as pleasant, if not better. Rough but soft, and the teeth smooth and hard, pointed, but slippery.

Then, of course, he pulled away. I could feel the moisture on my face, and saw it glistening around his mouth, but I was hardly embarrassed at all. My cheeks were only reddened from the heat of his skin.

"Wow," I said. He nodded, breathing heavily and looking amazed, which pleased me exceedingly. He opened his mouth to speak…

"I think we should--" but I cut him off.

"DAMNIT, Jake! If you say _one word_ about the goddamned _Plan_, so help me, I will stab you to death!" I was _livid_, but no. Not Jacob. He started laughing. ALWAYS LAUGHING! It cut off abruptly when I released his neck and reached towards the cutlery drawer.

"Actually," he said with a conspiratorial grin, "I have an idea." And suddenly, his hands released my waist, zooming down my hips, and stopping at my thighs, which he gripped lightly. It gave me the most wonderful tingling sensation all up my spine. He lifted me easily, and I gasped in shock, clutching at him in alarm. The next second, he had dropped me onto the countertop.

His smile altered slightly, becoming more serious, and his eyes burned with a fire that demanded respect. I blushed, a tiny bit nervous, but more than anything, I was happy, complete_…_ because this was my Jacob, and I was his Bella.

He slowly drew his face nearer to me, and I murmured amusedly, "what's with you and the kitchen?"

"Well," he whispered softly, "you know what they say about the way to a man's heart…"

As our lips touched, I kissed the hole goodbye for good.

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to all us tall gals out there, because we wouldn't need a stinking countertop!**

**Although, they're certainly not out of the question... (-;**


	18. DTR

My brain started functioning again once the inner workings of this strange new concept of _making out _had been comprehended, and I idly wondered, _why is this so much fun?_ There really wasn't that much to it, and yet, we were still completely fascinated with each other, even after… well, I couldn't see a clock, what with his face being in the way. Someday I'd have to write a philosophy paper on the topic, or at least conduct some extensive research.

I had begun to think we were stuck in some sort of cross-dimensional temporal loop, when, thankfully, our exploration became gradually less ardent. Eventually, we wound up just pressing our lips together lightly for a blissful few seconds. Jake leaned away first (not like I had the option, the only thing in between my skull and the cabinet doors was his hand), and snickered amusedly at me when I rubbed my tired jaw. Predictably, my cheeks flushed, but I smiled impishly.

"I liked your idea."

"Gee, thanks," he replied dispassionately, as he slowly extricated his fingers from my hair. His nonchalance worried me; had I done something wrong? But, I couldn't just _ask_ him, that would be unbearably awkward. If I didn't try to think of something else soon, he'd notice my distress, and start wheedling, and I had a sneaky suspicion that he'd be really good at it.

"Sooo…." I murmured, searching for something interesting to say. "How's your spine?"

"I'm not sure, Doc, but I thiiiiiink it's going to be fine, thanks for your concern_."_ He smirked at me, stretched expansively to demonstrate just how _fine_ he was, and drummed his knuckles on the ceiling. I suppressed a grimace; he was getting his oily touch all over it, and I'd never be able to get rid of the dust spots.

"Your health is my top priority," I said sternly, lowering my voice to imitate that of a gruff man's.

Jake rolled his eyes and went over to the fridge, pulling out a couple of sodas and plopping into a chair. I slid off the counter, yawning and stretching luxuriantly, until he poked me playfully in the belly. It made me cough, and clutch at my stomach protectively. The hole was gone, I _knew_ it, but at the same time, there was still that need to keep it safely hidden, a reflex I'd need to get over. I turned my sudden panic into a glare, and he didn't notice that it had bothered me.

He grinned and turned a nearby chair so that it was facing his, indicating with a wave that I should sit beside him. I happily complied. We sipped our drinks in silence for a while, and I was keenly aware of my knees' extremely close proximity to his hip. My eyes never left his form, but he was looking at the table thoughtfully. This, again, had me worried. Had it been awful? _Is he going to change his mind about me?_ No, that was ridiculous. Stupid circumlocutory thoughts, why couldn't I just move on? It felt like I kept taking these monumental strides forward—realizing Jake was more than a friend; talking about Edward; accepting a fate of humanity—and then getting pulled backwards with unfounded fears. The same horrid thoughts over and over. Still, I couldn't stop myself from thinking them just because I knew it was crazy and irrational.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, the worry only thinly veiled.

"Aww, nothing too huge," he shrugged. "The Plan, and stuff…" My interest was instantly piqued, but so were my nerves. Why was he bringing this up? Last time, well, I had vowed to myself never to bring it up again, no matter how curious it made me.

"… Jake? Please don't phase in the house."

His shoulders shook with silent laughter for a second. "Don't worry; I'm not going to get fur all over the furniture, or anything." That was a relief; Charlie's vacuum was terrible.

I waited, hoping he would say something, share some tidbit about this mysterious plan of his. It had something to do with kissing, and… Edward. My body tensed as his marble-white image appeared, but when nothing bad happened, I quickly relaxed. What was the stupid plan? He looked up, finally, and smiled over at me.

"You know, we were _almost_ back on track with it, what with Step 3 being pretty much moot, and all…" he trailed off, looking out the window regretfully. It was already getting dark out, which felt surprising. Jake sighed, and said, "Too bad, I was really looking forward to that one…" He turned back to me, eyes bright with what looked to be anticipation, but he stopped talking… _Is he deliberately being as vague as possible just to tick me off?_ The longer the silence dragged on, the clearer it became… of course he'd take every opportunity to torture me.

Neither of us blinked for a long time. We were in a battle now, and I was determined to win, for once. I was not going to break down and ask him what he was talking about, not when he so badly wanted to tell me. He blinked first, victory number 1. Thank goodness, because my eyes were burning. While I blinked repeatedly, trying to moisten my abused eyeballs, Jake swiftly leaned in for a kiss and missed, only managing to barely touch my lower lip. Before I could rectify the situation, he had tilted back in his chair, obviously dissatisfied.

"What was that for?" I asked, kind of annoyed. What was with the little peck?

"I'm not gonna win this one, huh?" he said rhetorically, ignoring my question.

"Nope." I replied, nodding sanctimoniously.

"So, you're not _curious_ about The Plan?"

"Not at all… couldn't care less!" He snorted at me, knowing full well I was itching for more information.

"That's too bad. It's pretty cool." His eyes saddened as he said it, the image of disappointment. "I guess I know what your answer will be, huh?"

"Answer to _what?"_ I demanded, before I could stop myself. _Dangit, he just won!_

He didn't look satisfied, though, he looked… _nervous_. It took him awhile before he could speak. "You know… I shouldn't even have to _do_ this. But no, you've got to be all _technical_," he muttered, rolling his eyes. _What?_

"_Technical?_ About what?" This was making me feel really edgy.

"Eh, never mind. I'll do it later."

"Do _WHAT?_" The nerves were fraying around the edges now. We went back and forth, arguing for several confusing minutes. Jake kept throwing the most indistinct hints at me that made no sense. Like… "This shouldn't be so tricky, after everything;" and "I can't believe I skipped so many steps before, what an _idiot;_" along with the maddening, "I guess it's not really your fault." By that time, I was shouting stupid clipped questions that he completely ignored.

"Grrreat!" he scoffed, getting up and pacing around the table. "Now you've got it all _hyped _up. This is crap! I shouldn't even bother!"

I stood up, too, knocking the chair over in my haste. He was going to tell me, even if I _did_ have to beg… I'd get him back for it eventually. "Would you just get it over with?" I shouted. He was really starting to make me mad. "The longer you wait, the bigger—" He cut me off; we seemed to do that to each other a lot. The words he spoke were fast and jumbled, but they sounded something like "Widjuw-gohwowi-mi?"

"Wwhaat?"

"Ugh!" he shouted, raising his hands up above his head and hitting them into the ceiling, _again_. Little bits of the popcorn paint landed on his head. They looked like terrible dandruff, or lice. "What the hell's my problem?"

"Well, for one thing, you keep messing up the ceiling, stop it!" His only response was a snort. "And what did you say? In English, this time."

He huffed noisily, and spoke slowly and deliberately, "Bella, would you go out with me on Friday?"

I stared, mouth falling open slightly.

"Like, as in a date." When I still didn't respond, his eyebrows shot up, and he looked utterly terrified.

I couldn't move. If I moved, I was going to make a complete fool of myself, and scream _Yes! Yes yes yes yes!_ and then run around the room bouncing up and down, before breaking into some cheesy Broadway love song.

"You don't _actually_ have to think about this, do you?" he asked incredulously. _Deep breaths, Bella… deep breaths._

"Yes," I finally said, hoping he would take it the wrong way so that I could make him suffer for as long as possible. But nooo, not Jake. He just grinned that smile I loved, and stepped towards me expectantly.

This was heading right back to the counter again, I could tell. But… I needed a few seconds to myself, or I was going to do something extremely embarrassing. So when he came closer, and I could feel the heat from his fingers as he reached out to me, I squeaked, "I'll be right back!" and ran out of the kitchen and upstairs to the bathroom.

As soon as the door was safely shut, I did a little dance, and laughed silently into the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, my hair was knotted obscenely, and I was vibrating with unsuppressed glee. _I'm going on a date, I'm going on date! I'm going on—_

The phone rang menacingly. Jake hollered, _I got it!_ and I grinned, returning to my insane joy.

When I was composed enough, hair de-frazzled and brain almost well organized, I returned to the kitchen. Jake was glaring broodingly off into space.

"Who… called?" I asked nervously, dread beginning to take hold.

"Lemme just get one thing straight with you, Bells," he said seriously, looking at me with eyes that burned. My heart stopped. "When I asked you out on a _date_, and you accepted, I actually meant that I wanted you to be my girlfriend, okay?"

"I… kind of thought that was obvious…" I replied, feeling giddy all the same. _Girlfriend!_

"Don't give me that 'obvious' crap! I thought it was pretty freaking _obvious_ on Monday, but you went and told Charlie some crap about _officially_ and _available_." I blushed feverishly, _those two old ninnies_!

"What… does that have to do with the phone?"

"Mike Newton called." That made me feel instantly better. All the other horrible possibilities now seemed stupid. It was just a golden retriever thinking he could outdo a wolf.

"Oh, jeeeeeze! You weren't rude to him or anything, were you?" I was about 90% positive that Mike had been in the parking lot this afternoon… what was he _thinking_?

"He asked me if you were _available_, and I said no. Is that polite enough for you?"

I giggled wickedly and moved closer, arms stretching out to embrace him. He took both of my hands and squeezed them gently, before plunking himself into a chair, pulling me with him. I tried to resist, balking at the idea of climbing into his lap, but he gave me no opening to escape, and I wound up straddling him. It put my face several inches above his, and it was kind of neat, this new vantage point. My hands were pressed solidly into his shoulders, trying to keep him a safe distance away. It wasn't that I was afraid, not at all, but he was so (there was absolutely no better word for it) _hot_, it made me feel dizzy.

We didn't do a lot of talking for the next long while; only a few giggles and teasing comments, and once an "ouch!" from Jake after I bit him a little too hard. Stressing about being bad at this whole tonsil-hockey thing seemed a bit ridiculous now; it didn't really matter, since we could always practice. My brain kicked back into gear suddenly, and I sent my fingers on a mission to find _the line_. They made it almost to the top of his jeans before he suddenly unlocked our lips and tossed me gently into the chair he had put upright while I was in the bathroom. Before I got the chance to express my annoyance, I heard the cruiser's door shut, and I turned to look at Jake, eyes wide with panic. He stifled a laugh, and gently smoothed my re-tousled hair.

"No worries, Bells," he murmured, taking the hand that had been on the secret assignment. My fingers turned bone-white as I clenched them tightly inside his warm palm. Charlie was going to enter with his rifle cocked, knowing full-well we hadn't just been sitting here innocently, and he was going to shoot Jake.

When he opened the door, my heart stopped, because he _was_ holding his gun! As soon as he saw Jacob, though, he nodded companionably and took his coat off, wholly unaware that the two of us had been plastered together for most of the evening.

"Hi Dad," I said, my voice betraying my forced calm by quavering slightly. He looked up at me as he put the gun away, and smiled, but then I felt his eyes touch upon Jake's hand, and I pulled away at once, face flushing guiltily. Jake sighed and rolled his eyes in mild agitation.

"Hey Charlie! What's with the gun?" he asked, sounding exactly as he always did, and completely guileless... as if we hadn't just been sucking face in the middle of the Chief-of-Police's kitchen.

"Oh, just some locals getting antsy. They've been hearing a lot of wolf howls lately, and I went snooping around. Didn't find anything, of course."

My whole body had instantly tensed in fear, but Jake didn't seem to care. He took a sip of warm soda, and I could feel his eyes on me, even while I resolutely watched my father.

"So... what've you kids been up to all afternoon?" Charlie asked on the way to the fridge. I blushed furiously, and Jake snickered. _don't you dare say anything! _I mouthed.

"Oh you know, the usual," he said. "Bella hurt her jaw." My eyes widened in shock and my cheeks burned.

"Bells, how'd you do that?"

I stared up at the tabletop, searching for patterns in the fake wood grain… anything, to keep my mind away from _Evil_ _Jacob_, who I badly wanted to punch.

Jake laughed loudly. "Oh you know, the usual! She bashed her head pretty hard after she crashed into the mailbox."

"You JERK!" I shouted, hitting at his chest repeatedly until he caught both of my hands in one and chuckled loudly.

Charlie had grabbed a drink from the fridge and bowed out of the room while my tantrum had been going on, and it was a darn good thing. Jake took the opportunity to tug me into his arms, where he kissed me roughly and with great enthusiasm. When I managed to pull away, he _deliberately_ made the most exaggerated "Mwwwah!" sound he possibly could, and I was horrified.

"Told you I was gonna get you back, Bells." Jake hooted, and he looked so satisfied with himself, I could have just… just… Ideas failed me; there really wasn't anything I could think of that would revenge myself. And yeah, I might deserve it, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to get back at him. Charlie had probably heard!

Before I got the chance to fight back, he released my wrists and strode purposefully into the living room.

"Mission accomplished!" he said proudly. And then I heard a noisy slap and brief snorts of laughter… _did he just high-five my dad?_ I couldn't believe this. "So, what's on tonight?" They were going to watch TV together?! _NOW?_

"Oh, it's the Big Game against the D—"

"Woah! HOLD IT a Second!" I yelled, running into the living room red-faced, angry, and not exactly using logical thought-patterns. I planted myself directly in front of the TV. "You!" I pointed at Jacob sternly with my free hand. "Are _not_ staying here to watch the game."

"Why not?" Charlie and Jake responded, in twin petulant tones.

" Because!" I announced with great finality. "That is just not what's DONE!" Neither of them looked impressed with my brilliant reasoning.

"What'dya mean?" Charlie asked, very confused. I couldn't look at Jacob, because if I did, I was going to do something even more stupid than I already was. Of course, though, he grabbed my hand and hauled me toward the couch. In vain, I resisted.

"HE!" I said furiously, as I tried to escape. "Just asked me out."

"Yes…" Charlie responded, looking at me like I was crazy.

"NOW, He has to leave!"

"Why? You and he are…" Words failed him." "The game's on, honey!" Charlie still wasn't getting it! Jake was just belly laughing at me, squeezing my fingers and refusing to release me from his grasp.

"Oh for the love of Pete! I hate men!" I ranted, gesticulating madly. This was giving me a headache, so I put one hand on my forehead and rubbed it wildly, trying to wrench the away from Jake… he wouldn't let go, though. They Just Did Not Get It! _Renée_ would understand… but no, Now I had to go explain Dating 101 to these idiots!

"You do the asking out at the _end_ of the day, and then you LEAVE! So that I can have time to… _reflect_… on my decision." Now Charlie was laughing.

"You have your own room, just go upstairs, he'll leave soon enough…" then Charlie beamed, and looked over at Jake "Unless maybe you want to stay for dinner?"

"NO!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!" I was shouting now… and then I stamped my foot with unsuppressed rage! "YOU! OUT!" I yelled at Jake. I pulled with all my force to try to get him off the stupid couch, but he just smirked. I howled wordlessly.

Silence followed, in which the TV began singing wildly about cushiony soft toilet paper. Finally, Jake spoke.

"Well, um… Charlie. I guess it's clear I'm not wanted here…" he pouted exaggeratedly. And, that stupid puppy face worked; I huffed noisily. Jake felt me lose intent, and he pulled me onto the couch, and into his lap. I freaked, and scrambled off him while he rolled his eyes. Regardless of what I had done at school, I was _not_ a fan of public displays of affection, and I was beginning to feel I had started this whole _relationship_ on the wrong foot.

"I'm… going to my room," I mumbled glumly, walking out of the living room. I only managed to make it up the first stair before Jake put a hand on my waist. _What new torture?_ I asked myself as I turned to face him.

"I'll pick you up at 6:30 on Friday, okay?"

"Oh!" I exclaimed, instantly brightening. "Sure!"

"Anyway, I just wanted to say goodbye…" he said quietly, the corner of his mouth twitching a little.

"But… dinner? You and Charlie? Aren't you staying?" Now, of course, I didn't want him anywhere but right beside me.

"Naah. I haven't really talked to Dad much lately. Besides, I have… _work_ to do." He glanced at me significantly, and I nodded.

Charlie called from the living room, asking about the Rabbit, which made me panic. Jake seemed to have already thought of a response, though. "Rabbit's temporarily out of commission.—Last time I ever let Quil touch anything!" Charlie laughed, and offered to give Jake a ride home after the game, but Jake made an awkward joke about needing time to _reflect_, and I was extremely thankful that my dad's eyes were glued to the TV; I felt so exposed.

Jake leaned in for a kiss, but I quickly turned my face down and buried it in his chest, hugging him tightly and murmuring "goodnight."

"Actually, Bells… can I talk to you outside for a minute?" I was instantly fearful, but followed him. We hadn't really done much… discussing today, and I was sure there was some kind of pack news. Wow, I had been planning to ask about all that, but I'd been sidetracked.

"What's the matter?" I demanded in a tense whisper as soon as the door was safely shut. "Is this about Vic--"

"No, Silly!" He grinned. He had to smile more than every other person on the planet…combined! I knew if it wasn't so beautiful, I would hate him for it.

I just thought you'd like to know that we're back on track now." And I was immediately wrapped up in his burning arms, my own fingers twining into his hair. As our mouths were about to touch, he said softly, "And, I wanted to tell you… _officially, _that I was in love with you."My heart raced insanely, and I wanted so badly to tell him… but he didn't give me the chance. Immediately, he kissed me, and our tongues were hesitantly touching, a little uncertain goodbye that was over far too soon.

"See you tomorrow," I murmured softly as he released me.

"Umm..." he said awkwardly. "I'm actually busy tomorrow… gotta fix the Rabbit."

"But… you said we were going on a date!" What, was he retracting this most wonderful of all plans to tinker around in the stupid garage?

"Yeah… we are. On Friday." He saw the confusion plain on my face. "You really need to get your days straight. Tomorrow's _Thursday_, Bells."

"Oh." So… how had he gotten past the injunction? I had so many questions to ask him now… they were all flooding back to me. Most importantly…

"What am I supposed to do _tomorrow?"_

He shrugged, obviously pleased that I was disappointed. "I dunno… you're the brainy type, I figured you'd want to do homework." Wow. Homework. I hadn't thought about that all week.

"Good idea," I murmured, feeling despondent. He kissed me again, and it was gentle and tender, and sweet.

"I'll miss you," he whispered into my ear, and I smiled wistfully at him before he ran off into the night.

I carefully smoothed my hair, and attempted (and failed) to compose myself, before I went back into the house to face Charlie.

"Everything alright?" Charlie asked in a very… very straight tone.

"Dad… can you do me… one…. _Tiny_ little favor?"

"Sure thing, honey, what's up?" His eyes never left the television set, and he was mouthing something urgently that I couldn't make out.

_"Please… please please please PLEASE_!" I begged. "Save me my last shred of dignity, and pretend that you don't hear anything from the kitchen for the next… twenty minutes or so?"

"Hear what?"

I was about to elaborate, when I saw his eyes crinkle, and his finger on the remote turned the volume up as loud as it would go. Sometimes, my father was full of_ win_! Spontaneously, I lurched over to his chair and kissed him on the forehead, before running helter-skelter through the hallway and gliding (with absolutely zero grace) into the kitchen.

The phone was what I needed, and I dialed quickly… and three times before I did it right.

"Hey Phil, this is Bella… is Mom still up?" Phil hollered to her, and Renée picked up the phone after only a few seconds.

"Honey! What's the matter?" She was terribly concerned. I never called, so I couldn't blame her.

"MOM! GUESS WHAT!! GUESS WHAT!" I didn't give her the chance to answer.

Twenty minutes turned out not to be enough time at all to enumerate the many splendors of my new boyfriend.


	19. Popped

Everything was beautiful the next morning. Everything. I had slept better than I ever had before, and woke up feeling completely refreshed and happy.

It was raining heavily outside, and that made me giggle with pleasure. The gorgeous, wonderful rain! Charlie didn't say anything about my brilliant smile and bouncy step, but he couldn't keep from laughing after I again kissed him on the forehead before I ran out the door, almost late for class.

It wasn't until I pulled into the full lot that I started to panic. _Everyone is staring at me._ It was true; I wasn't imagining things. For the third time in my life, I was the most interesting thing my high school had to offer. I was the girl who had slammed some guy into my truck before forcefully kissing him for an extended period of time… which only ended when the principal tore us apart... if I was lucky, at least. That old rumor mill, though… I prayed I never found out what people were saying.

Thankfully, English consisted of an extremely long and detailed test on Catch-22, of which I had only read half. It looked like the second part was much more important than the first on this test, unfortunately. _Oops_. Still, though, it could have been group work, which was unsupportable since I hadn't done the homework all week, _or_ over break. Every other year of my life, I had read each assigned book _immediately_, and screw the stupid "please read pages 3 through 35 for Monday" crap. If was going to read, I was going to devour it entirely, even if it was boring. But, since the Fall, I had had no interest in reading, and so had taken to only doing exactly what the teacher assigned. I realized suddenly, as I stared intently at the only essay question I had any chance of writing well, _Explain what a Catch-22 is in detail; can you know if you're insane? Use as many examples as possible,_ I had been deliberately forcing myself to stay unhappy. Refusing to express an interest in anything at all… I was so pathetic! No use crying over spilt milk, though… Jake was my own personal happiness-maker. When the bell rang, I passed in my almost-blank test paper with a great big smile, wholly aware of the irony of the situation.

Calculus, though… that was going to be a mess. I had only been sitting down a few seconds before Jessica came bursting into the room and rushed at me. _Crap!_ Hunching down in my chair, I tried to look as depressingly dull as I had in the past, but I couldn't help myself… my cheeks turned pink, and the corners of my lips kept betraying my elation. Jess was going to ask me about _Jacob_, and that meant I got to think about _Jacob_, and maybe even talk.

"Oh my God! BELLA! Details! I want to know _everything_!" There were other people in the class already, and they were all openly gaping at the two of us. I was in shock, as well. It seemed like all my "friendship" with Jessica had needed was a good dose of drama… and a month's supply of juicy gossip. Even though I had done this talk with my mom already, I still, for some insanely uncharacteristic reason, was looking forward to it again. _Why?_ I tried to reason with myself, because really, isn't everything better than math? Maybe so, but it didn't change the fact that I _wanted_ to talk about it. Still, though… I would try not to divulge anything.

"There's not much to tell," I whispered, grinning despite myself.

"Uh-uh! No way! You're not getting away with this. I _have_ to know!" She was practically salivating with anticipation.

"Know… what?" I hedged, knowing my subterfuge was destined for failure.

"I wasn't there, but Lauren told me all about it. Did he_ really_ throw you onto the roof of the truck and feel you up… with EVERYONE WATCHING?"

I was completely aghast.

"Is that what Lauren _told _you?"

She lowered her voice conspiratorially as Mr. Varner entered the room and started setting up. "That's what everyone's saying, yeah! So… is he really seven feet tall and in his thirties?"

"Oh hoooly crow!" I practically shrieked. "No! None of that's true!"

Jessica giggled and made a funny face. "I _knew_ she was exaggerating! Hah! So… come on, tell! How old _is_ he?" Mr. Varner started passing out papers then. When I got mine, I shoved it into my backpack without bothering to ascertain the grade that was heavily shrouded in hundreds of little red marks. _Oops_, again.

"Sixteen," I whispered, and blushed. _I'm a cradle snatcher!_ Jessica's jaw practically fell off, but before she could speak, the teacher spoke in loud grumpy tones about how _disappointed_ he was in all the test scores, and that we would be redoing the unit because of the _travesty _of our studying habits. I heaved a sigh of relief, saved by everyone's collective inadequacy.

I thought maybe I was safe for the time being, but Jess immediately wrote on a blank page of her notebook: _BS! _Trying to ignore her, I stared intently at the whiteboard, taking extremely sloppy and useless notes all over the page. While Mr. Varner was writing a particularly complex equation on the board, Jess kicked me, and I turned to glare at her, wide-eyed. She angled the notebook towards me, and it was filled with questions, such as:

_Name?_

_How'd you meet?_

_What's he like?_

_How long have you been dating?_

_WHAT BASE ARE YOU ON????_

_Oh great, Baseball metaphors._ I realized I had hit a new low when I tried to figure out what all the bases actually meant. No, this had to stop. I wrote on my notebook in large letters: _LATER. _She scoffed at me loudly, and Mr. Varner looked up and glared, before continuing on with his poignant lecture on making a clear difference between _t'_s and +'s. While he rambled on and on, I concentrated on what I would tell Jess, before finally deciding not to say anything.

But… Jess chased me all the way to Physics and practically begged me to skip with her. When I protested, she pointed out, "We're _SENIORS_, Bella, we have a God-given RIGHT to skip!" and Senioritis officially kicked in. Stealthily, we snuck into the library and hid at a corner table, pulling books out and looking around deviously. I knew I was being irresponsible and ridiculous, but… I was feeling so _girly_, and what better companion for this than Jessica? As we chatted animatedly, and Jess ­_oohed_ and _ahhhhed_ in all the right places, I had to ask myself what it was that made me dislike her. Jess was a dumb teenage girl, I pointed out… but so was I. She was boy-crazy, yes, but was that really such a terrible offense? Boys could be… distracting, and I had my swiftly lowering GPA to prove it.

"So," she asked, grinning. "Where's he taking you on your _date?_"

"I don't know," I replied, and I really didn't care. It was going to be with Jacob, and that's what mattered.

"WHAT? What do you mean? What are you gonna wear?" And I panicked.

"I… I… Oh no! What _am_ I going to wear?" She laughed good-naturedly at my ineptitude, and teased for a few minutes, while I got all the more tense.

"Don't worry, I've got you covered… can I come over tomorrow after school? We'll find something _hot!_"

Before I had really thought it through, I agreed with an excited bob of the head. Jess was a lot like Alice, in a way. Not a very good substitute, truthfully, but beggars couldn't be choosers. And… I really _was _a beggar; I had no real friends at this school. The bell rang for lunch, and Jess quickly piled up her stuff while I sat unmoving. _Ugh_, the idea of lunch was sickening. All those eyes, accusing me of illicit activities, and the possibility of overhearing even more dreadful rumors than Lauren had concocted.

"You… go on ahead, okay?" I asked. "I think I'd like some _alone_ time." She nodded and winked at me.

"Don't worry, Bella! I'll get the story straightened out for you!" Her eyebrows raised and lowered repeatedly and she giggled. "I've got _connections_." I never thought I'd say it, but… _Thank God for Jessica._

It was very quiet now, and I sighed contentedly. Libraries were beautiful things, even if they were poorly stocked. As I looked around, I realized how much I really missed reading. Being a bookworm. It had been my refuge in Phoenix. No friends, no special interests… just me and my books. I stood determinedly, and meandered through the thinly-stocked shelves, glancing casually at all the titles, searching… for what, I was not sure.

I zoomed through most of the A's quickly, but before reaching the B's, my gaze shot back, eyeing a wide section of old, well-known titles. Ahh, Miss Austen, the first queen of English literature. All of these books had been outlawed to me; that was why I used my copy to store Alice's note. I never thought I'd want to look at one ever again. However, here I was, smiling affectionately at these sweet and romantic novels. It still hurt a little bit, but it was an ache I could easily endure. _Ohh_, _Mr. Darcy!_ I sighed dramatically. Without contemplating my own absurdity, I automatically began replacing the main characters with variations of Jake and me. It didn't take long to get to Sense and Sensibility, though, and I faltered.

That one just seemed to fit too well at first glance… Marianne, desperately in love with love, gets dumped by roguishly handsome and devilish Willoughby, and ends up settling for Alan Rickman… well, Colonel Brandon, but that's who I pictured. It was so sad... because much as I wanted to believe that she'd be happy as Mrs. Brandon, he could never be as perfect for her as Willoughby; there was just no way. Before the pain got too much to bear, though, an image appeared in my head that brought me close to cackling out loud: Jacob in those ridiculous breeches and tights, with those little buckle shoes… and a wig! I turned my manic laughter into a cough as quickly as I could.

"Uh…Bella?" A hesitant whisper called. Grrreat, it was Mike Newton.

"Oh… Hi, Mike." I winced as I turned to face him. "What's up?" He looked extremely uncomfortable, and I knew exactly where this was leading. This was just terrible. Why had Jessica told him where to find me?

"Hey…" we looked at each other awkwardly for a few minutes, and I wondered how I could get him to stop.

"Bella," he said glumly. "I don't want to do this, but I need to tell you something, and I'm really sorry if this ruins our friendship…" I knew who Mike was in Jane Austen-land… Mr. Collins, who just could not take a hint even if it made out right in front of his face.

"Mike, do we really have to do this _here?_" I gestured at the library, hoping he would realize that any hopes he might have were completely unfounded, but his cheeks reddened in irritation.

"I tried to talk to you last night, but that _ass_--er, guy, said you weren't around." Oh, that did sort of stink… getting this over in private would have been much better, and more dignified.

"So anyway… I don't want to, but I have to, okay?" he said, staring at my feet.

"Umm… Mike, is this really necessary? I was going to tell you about it in a few days, but… I'm sort of _with _some--"

"You mean you _ditched _us_? _What the hell, Bella! I've been sitting around for the past two days worrying about breaking this to you, and you've already found something _better_? That's really shitty of you."

"Ww…what are you talking about?" I asked, getting confused. Realization hit us both at the same time, rendering me speechless. Mike… _Newton_…'s

"Ohh maaan! What did you think I was doing?" His voice had risen, and the librarian shushed him irritably. "Did you think I was … professing my eternal love to you or something? Get _over_ yourself!" he hissed.

I backed away automatically, and he stood tall, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me. "I stopped liking you _that way_ weeks ago, only you were too preoccupied to notice. I have a _girlfriend _now, and she actually _likes _me."

This was just terrible. I hid my face in my hands and tried not to cry like the stupid girl I was. The shock of all this new information was just too much; my huge ego-bubble, something I would never have guessed I had, had been popped, and I felt stupid, and naïve, and--

"Look… I'm sorry," and he sounded it. "But four days in a row without calling is pretty inexcusable."

--Unemployed.

"Mom says you can come pick up your last paycheck in a few days…" he mumbled, turning away.

Well… that was one way to suck the happiness out of a girl.

I skipped Spanish, not quite prepared to meet Mike's eyes yet. How stupid could I be that I had ditched my job like that? Over a boy? For once this week, the thought of Jacob did not set my heart to pounding; I was too angry with myself for that. Instead, I set about mulling over my pathetic social life, and the friends I didn't deserve. Poor Mike, he'd just been trying to save my job this week, and I'd mocked him. And, Jessica… She really hadn't done anything terrible to me at all, except for freak out about the bar incident, and I deserved that.

Particularly, though, I thought about Angela, the only "friend" I actually liked. I remembered, suddenly, that she had been the one to try the hardest to get me to open up, gently prodding whenever she could. She'd actually skipped _history_ once, her favorite class, to corner me. I staunchly repeated over and over that I was fine, but she'd kept at it, anyway… the whole hour. If I hadn't been the biggest mope of all time, she wouldn't have failed. I'd let her entreaties wash over me, not taking in a single word except _Edward_, using the pain his name caused to maintain my apathetic demeanor. When she had given up at last, I silently cursed her for putting me through so much pain. I was such a terrible person!

Finally, after rehashing as much of my loathsomeness as I could handle, I took up a pen and began writing a letter of apology to my former employers. More moping was not going to solve any problems. If I played my cards right, I could at least scrape a good letter of recommendation out of the Newtons. It would also be nice if I salvaged my relationship with Mike so I didn't have to find a new table to sit at.

That evening I spent on doing my much-neglected homework and laundry. It was difficult to stay on task, although most of my anger had dissipated when I'd completed the third draft of my letter. Jake kept appearing behind my lids whenever I closed them too long, and he warmed my soul. Surprisingly (well, not really), my feeling of giddiness had fully returned by the time Charlie came home, despite what I had to tell him. Though I would really rather not have, I decided honesty was the best policy, and I explained about losing my job.

He took it surprisingly well, all things considered. "Well, Bella… you're only a teenager, you were bound to do something stupid eventually. Just promise me you'll be more responsible." I knew he was disappointed, but I was extremely thankful that he didn't ground me. Maybe that three-course meal I made had softened the blow.

The next day I set about rectifying the various messes I'd made, social as well as academic. Most of my overdue assignments were accepted without question, and as soon as I got the chance, I apologized to Mike for my terrible behavior. I requested that he give my letter to his folks, and then asked friendly probing questions about his girlfriend. Her name was Cynthia, and she was, of all things, a _band geek_.

Lunch came with the expected awkward stares and snickers, but Jessica had performed well; I didn't hear anything too bogus, at any rate. All in all, I had done pretty well for myself. Everyone that mattered was amazingly understanding, and I didn't deserve it. How I could be worthy of these kind people, when I was such a useless excuse for a human being?

Of course, all my self-reflective thoughts vanished the moment Jessica brought up our pre-date plans, and I shook with delighted anticipation.

"Wow, Bella… you're _glowing!_" said Angela with wonder.

All I could manage to do was nod my head vigorously before I completely zoned out, imagining what the evening would bring.


	20. Versus

"Look," I begged, as Jessica advanced on me with a huge tub of frightening glop."Jake's probably going to show up in sweatpants and no shirt, and take me to the beach to roast marshmallows or something! This is going unnecessarily far!" My feeble protests fell on deaf ears, and she backed me into the corner of the bathroom where there was no escape from her evil makeup.

Hadn't I already succumbed to enough of her insipid plans? She had gone through my closet minutely, and managed to find the only two remaining articles of clothing that Alice had given me—a denim skirt and a tight long-sleeved purple shirt. _It's PLUM!_ I could almost hear her bell-like voice object. The hair, I had to admit, looked pretty, up in some sort of artfully messed-up bun.

"You know you love the attention!" replied Jess with a smile, before she forced my eyes shut and slathered something onto my lids. No, actually, I _didn't._ I felt stupid and unattractive, and embarrassed. Makeup… it was a foreign concept to me. Why bother trying to put all this expensive stuff on when it doesn't do anything but trick people into temporarily believing you're pretty? Arguments with my mom on the subject hadn't gotten anywhere, and Jess was even less helpful.

She kept on prying ruthlessly into my personal business, instead of philosophizing. The questions were so invasive, so rude, and inappropriate, that it made me feel queasy; why did she _want _to know? My refusal to share even minimal details only encouraged her to make extravagant and crude guesses, and she took every blush and stutter as evidence of indiscretions. It was amazing how different I felt about Jess right now; in point of fact, I despised her. Why had I been so glad to be around her yesterday? It must have been Jake's fault, he was addling my brains, clearly. Because… in what universe would I actually _want_ to spend time alone with this girl? At least his effects seemed temporary.

It took a lot of delicate work, but I finally managed to kick her out of the house at 5:30, with a lot of false _thank you!'s_, and promises to call the next day. Immediately, I ran into the bathroom to assess the damage: I looked like a prostitute! The lipstick was just awful, and the glitter? I tried, in vain, to remove the thick black eyeliner, but the moment water touched it, the stuff liquefied and seeped into my skin. Fifteen minutes spent painstakingly scrubbing made the residue disappear, but it left my eyes temporarily red and puffy. Renée would never have made such a mess of me!

The front door opened at 6:15, while I was in the act of putting on my rattiest sneakers. "Hey Bella!" it was Charlie. I couldn't decide if I was disappointed or not.

"Dad!" I called, as ran down the stairs. Desperate times called for desperate measures. "Could you be completely… _brutally_ honest with me and tell me how stupid I look?"

He was in the act of scrubbing the mud off his boots, but he looked up, thoroughly surprised, eyebrows raising high, mustache aquiver. "You look real pretty, sweetie."

"No… Dad… _seriously!_" He'd say that if I was wearing a potato sack. "Should I just call and cancel or something? I feel so ridiculous!"

He rolled his eyes and took his customary seat at the recliner, turning the TV on at once. "You do look a little different."

I sat on the couch and scowled at him impatiently, but he didn't add anything more. _MEN!_ Every thirty seconds I glared at my watch, and then at Charlie, and then at the door. At 6:27, I started fidgeting nervously, tugging at the hem of my skirt and wondering if I shouldn't have picked the crappy shoes. 6:30 came and went, and my heart pounded. My ankles looked awful, what was I doing trying to show them off? Charlie ignored me for five minutes, but when I started pacing back and forth in front of the TV, he finally spluttered indignantly.

"Give it a rest! He'll be here soon, don't worry!" I shook my head back and forth, not believing.

"What if… what if something bad happened?" Victoria… or, Sam, or… the possibilities seemed endless. "He might have… crashed the Rabbit or something. Maybe I should call Billy to find out when he left."

"Bells… not _everyone_ is as obsessed with being on time as you."

"They should be!" He went back to the TV.

At last, I heard a car pull into the driveway, and I ran back to the couch as quickly as I could, trying to appear casual. Jake was going to tease me enough as it was when he saw this stupid outfit, I didn't need him mocking me for worrying needlessly. There was a loud knock on the door, and a brilliant scheme appeared to me instantly: If I ran up the stairs and hid, I could find out what he was wearing _first_, and then change my outfit accordingly. Unfortunately, Charlie was insensitive to my plan, and hollered, "Come in!" before I'd even started to stand. My cheeks reddened instantly. _Here it comes…_

Jacob… _my Jacob_, was wearing long khaki pants, dress shoes, and a maroon knit shirt _with a collar_, that was pleasantly snug in all the right places. It was a nice ensemble, and I bet anything that Emily had helped him out with it. But… it just looked so_ wrong_, that I was taken aback for a few seconds. Everything should have been very dashing, but…

Realizing I hadn't made eye contact yet, I looked up, a nervous smile spreading across my face that perfectly mirrored his. "Hi Jake!" I said as I jumped up to greet him.

He blinked awkwardly. "Hey there, Bells. You look, uh… _nice._" One dark eyebrow quirked as he took in the skirt, and I couldn't tell if he was being polite or serious.

"Likewise," I said hugging him quickly before he tried to kiss me in front of Charlie. For once, he didn't return the hug with any real gusto, just put one warm hand on my back for a half-second, no squeezing at all. How extremely dissatisfying, definitely the worst Jacob hug I had ever received. When I leaned back to share my disappointment, I saw he had his nose all wrinkled, and he sniffed quickly. Oh, the hairspray probably smelled awful.

"So, what's with the shirt?" I asked teasingly.

"Well, I hear some places don't let you in without them," he replied, rolling his eyes.

"Really… like where?" I wish I had just called and asked him yesterday about the stupid date, that could have saved me a lot of unnecessary stress.

He just shrugged. "You ready to leave?"

"Yup," I said, putting on my raincoat, and then I remembered that my wallet was still on my bed. "Shoot! Just a second, I forgot my… uh, purse."

Jake guffawed as I ran up the stairs. "You have a _purse_? A skirt… _and _a purse? Am I dating a _GIRL_ or something?"

"Shut up!" I hollered indignantly from my room, grabbing the pathetic little sequined bag Jess had lent me for the evening, filling it with necessities and running down the stairs frantically. It wasn't _my_ fault the stupid outfit didn't have any useful pockets.

He was in the living room by the time I came back, and Charlie was saying something about _finding pieces everywhere_, when I rushed in and grabbed Jake's dark hand and pulled him away.

"Bye Dad!" I called, throwing out a quick smile as I slammed the door shut behind us. I heard a grunt.

"So," I said as we walked in tandem down the damp porch steps. "Where are we going?"

"Wherever… What do you want to do?" He looked really uncomfortable, actually, and that had me stressing that there was something wrong.

"Uh-uh… I don't want to pick." I'd made enough important decisions this week. It momentarily disappointed me that he hadn't made reservations somewhere. All dressed up, with nowhere to go?

"Jeeze, that's no fair! I don't want to pick either." His usual good mood seemed to be slipping back in, and he teasingly pinched my waist.

"But… you asked _me_. That means it's _your _choice." I elbowed him lightly, and he chuckled. Ticklish, maybe?

Well… how about you pick what, and I'll pick where?" he suggested, dramatically opening the passenger door. For some reason, that little gesture felt odd. Again, just wrong, somehow.

"That's… sort of brilliant!" Because there's absolutely nothing to do in Forks but eat and fish, and leave, so I didn't have to think at all.

"Yup, I know, I'm a genius." He hopped in on his side and turned the engine on.

"Okay, so… dinner-and-a-movie?" That was standard.

"MOVIE?" he demanded, appalled. "I don't think I trust you in that situation yet, Bells… not after the parking lot incident." I glared at him for poo-pooing my self control… but then I thought about what it'd be like. A darkened theatre, couples all around, Jacob within reach. Yeah, he was right; I wasn't ready to be tested that far. "Besides, I don't think there's anything playing that can beat _Cross-hairs." _Yeah, that had been _quite_ the movie.

"But dinner's safe, right?" I asked sarcastically.

"Naah. I'm not hungry."

"Real funny, Jake." He'd stop being hungry the day I started making sense.

"Not my fault your idea was terrible. Man, I can't believe you're so predictable!" Releasing his right hand from the steering wheel, he reached over to me, and our fingers entwined.

"Oh give it up, doink. I certainly haven't eaten dinner yet, and even if you _did_, you'd still want to eat."

As he backed out of my driveway, he turned to me and grinned widely. "I guess that's true, but it's not like I can help it… I'm a growing boy!"

"I thought you said you were 25, and that means you're done, buster. I think you're stuck at a _miniscule_ …uhhh... do I even wanna know how tall you are?"

"I dunno… I guess I'm about 6 foot 6 so far, seeing as these pants are too long." _So far_?

"Where on Earth did you find pants that were too long for you?" From the way Angela always griped about finding long jeans, and with her being "only" 5'10, it seemed to me Jake would find it impossible.

"Sam." he replied succinctly, and then swiftly started badgering me about picking a place to eat. If he was trying to be sly about changing the subject, he had failed. I'd have to ask him about it during dinner. We argued back and forth about where to go, and it was extremely entertaining.

"If you take me to McDonald's, I'm asking Quil out," I threatened furiously as he made to pull into the Golden Arches' lot.

He snorted loudly and turned the directional off. "You know, I had no idea you were this _picky_!"

"I am NOT picky!" I was very easy-going. Really. He was just deliberately suggesting the worst restaurants in town. Not that there were any good ones, but still…

His voice raised two octaves and took on a pouty, nasal tone that had better not sound anything like my actual voice or I was never speaking again. "The Mexican food around here isn't really _Mexican_. The Italian food isn't _really _Italian, waah waah waah." The natural husky tones returned. "And NOW even our McDonald's isn't good enough for you!"

I lamely growled in irritation and pulled my hand out of his as punishment. Honestly, it was just a ruse, he'd been holding it so long that my palm was sweaty.

"Okay… fine. How about The Smoke House?" he finally suggested, after several minutes of searching blindly for my fingers, I had been slyly jabbing his side, attempting to discover if he was ticklish.

I considered for a moment. "That's a good idea, but… that's like a half hour away, Jake." I was pretty hungry since I hadn't eaten since breakfast, too excited.

He started chuckling loudly. "You know, I already knew this about you, but sometimes you're about as perceptive as a blind-deaf-mute."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I cried indignantly. I noticed lots of things, like that the constant tugging of his collar had accidentally opened the top two buttons of his shirt, and it revealed just enough of his neck to be of interest.

"We've been heading that way the whole time... but you've been too busy _undressing me with your eyes_ and trying to get us into a car accident to notice." Maybe he _was_ ticklish, but he hadn't seemed to react.

Now that I looked, we were actually going south on 101, rather than into town... Oops. I didn't bother denying what I'd been up to, he'd just tease me all the more. But he wasn't _entirely_ correct, I'd spent the whole time wondering why that shirt bothered me so much. Maroon was allowed, so that wasn't it. It went beautifully with his skin, and it was neither too tight (not that it was possible) nor too loose, so that wasn't the problem, either. I really couldn't put my finger on it.

"So," I said slowly, looking adoringly at his profile. "You already knew where we were going? The whole time?"

He grinned mischievously."Not exactly... Jared suggested it, but I figured I'd give you the option of picking." Jared was being helpful? Why?

"Well, I'm impressed."

"Good." Sometimes he was so confident, I just wanted to thwack him, but he was just too darned adorable.

The restaurant was up ahead, and he turned smoothly into the completely packed lot. There was a line outside the door that had at least fifteen people in it. Of course, the only decent "date" place in an hour radius was bound to be a madhouse on a Friday night.

"Reservations?" I asked doubtfully.

The grin that instantly spread across his face made me forget all about _that_ kind of hunger, and wish we had a few minutes of privacy so I could express my heartfelt appreciation with as few words as possible. Alas…

We got out of the car, and he smirked at me, pulling me into a tight hug for a second, before kissing me loudly on the forehead. How disappointing.

"What was that for?" I grumped. "No one was looking, we could have…"

"Sorry miss, but I don't think that lipstick goes too well with my shirt." He laughed, grabbed my hand, and we started toward the restaurant. I rested my head on his warm arm and silently cursed Jessica.

"You really went all-out on this whole thing," I said, squeezing his hand as we bustled by the long line of grumpy couples.

"Don't get _too_ excited, though," he said with a laugh. "If I'd reeeally gone all-out, I'd have gotten you a gift, flowers or something equally cheesy."

I sighed contentedly. "Well, I supposed I'll forgive you." What I really wanted to say was that he'd already given me the best present ever, and what need was there for anything else, since I already had his love? But… the people surrounding us in every direction made me feel embarrassed enough as it was, and I fervently wished I could hide behind my hair. I hated having my face so exposed. They were staring at us, comparing me unfavorably to his beauty, and I didn't need any more reminders. "Besides, I hate gifts, you know that!" He rolled his eyes and muttered _sure, sure_, under his breath.

The poor woman at the counter was being harassed by an angry man shouting about "been waiting for 20 minutes for a seat!" She saw our approach and gave us an apologetic wince, as the man continued his rant.

"Reservations for Jacob Black?" Jake asked loudly after several painful moments. Seriously, a party of _nine_ needed time to be seated.

"Can't you see I'm _TALKIN' _here, asshole?" the man snarled, not turning. Jake released my hand, straightened up to his full height, and gently tapped him on the shoulder.

The stranger spun angrily, another list of swears spewing forth, until he saw Jacob. Then he looked like he was going to pee his pants while he grunted something indistinct and practically ran out the door. What was that guy's problem? Even if he _was _a giant, Jake looked like a cuddly teddy bear! He grinned at me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me in tight to his side.

Not two minutes later, the hostess seated us at a booth near the buffet that was this place's claim to fame. "Enjoy your meal," she said pleasantly, smiling appreciatively at Jacob. "Angela will be your server this evening, I'll tell her to be extra-nice!" My eyes widened in surprise. I'd completely forgotten that she worked here!

"Is there something wrong?" he asked, concernedly reaching for my hand across the wide table.

"I know her," I replied. Town this size, what are the chances of _two_ Angelas working in the same restaurant?

"Oh, right!" he said, recognizing the name finally. "Is that the friend you hate, or was that Laura? Because… we could always go someplace else if you want."

Jeeze, I kept _his _friends' names straight no problem. In a snappish tone, I replied "No! Angela's the one I _like. Jess_ is the one I don't, and Laur_en_'s definitely not my friend at all."

"Well, I guess we lucked out then, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, taking his hand and staring into his eyes, wishing we were alone. It would be a little awkward having her as our waitress, but I was glad she'd get to meet him. I decided I wanted him to receive her stamp of approval, because her opinion actually mattered. There was no way she wouldn't adore him, everyone liked Jacob... except Mike.

We must have been mesmerized by each other for quite some time, because a little cough broke our eyes apart, and there she was, brandishing a little notepad and smiling brilliantly.

"Bella, hey!" It took a second to reorient myself, I'd been drowning in a dark sea of contentment, and I wasn't altogether pleased at being wrenched out of it.

"Ohh... Hi Angela!" I said weakly.

"Sooo," she said with a knowing smile, "this is the guy, huh?" She eyed him for a second, pretending to look sternly disapproving, and Jake feigned terror.

"Yes, this is _my Jacob!_" I said proudly, beaming at him. They both laughed at that, and introductions were made with lots of gentle teasing. She took our orders, just buffet for me, and a steak and buffet for Jake, and left quickly. She was so sweet, giving us privacy, and not hovering. In the same situation, Jess would have badgered on and on until I stabbed her.

After we filled our first platefuls of food, we sat quietly, while I nibbled and he skarfed. I was hoping he'd come up with something to say, but he just ate, and ate, and... ate.

"Soo…" I said slowly, ending the long silence. "What's been happening?"

"I dunno," he replied in between enormous bites. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, buster." He wasn't going to play that game with me.

"You gotta admit, Bells… it is a pretty vague question. We talked about mitochondria in science yesterday. Exciting stuff."

"Okay, fine, I'll be _specific._ What's been going on with you and Sam? Why wouldn't he let you see me?" That was just the tip of the iceberg for questions I had for him, but we did have the whole evening.

"Well, I told you I was late for duty…" He took a bite of food and chewed slowly.

"And he grounded you for _three_ days?" Wow. I guess Sam was even worse than me about punctuality.

"Please... I really don't think this is the place for it. Can't we talk about something else?" He stood to refill his plate, and I pondered. On the face of things, this seemed like a perfectly reasonable request, but…

"No, I don't think so," I told him as he sat down with another heaping plate. It made him scowl. "Because, if I wait until later to ask, you're going to pull my own trick, and try to distract me." He half-choked on the mouthful he'd just taken. "See? I knew it!" … and I also knew that his plan would have been a complete success. Having a boyfriend who actually let me explore a little bit was intoxicating.

"Sorry… it's not that I'm trying to keep anything from you, honest!" My skeptical eyebrow disagreed, and his cheeks reddened, proving I was right. "I don't really know, myself… I was going to try and explain the other day, but…" our eyes locked, and we smiled at the recollection. Yeah, we'd been a little occupied.

He sighed, and then spoke. "Sam was actually being generous when he _grounded_ me for such a short amount of time. If I'd been in his place, there'd have been Hell to pay." He was still smiling, but it no longer reached his eyes.

"You should be eating," he chided. I obeyed, but had no interest in macaroni anymore. As I chewed, he gave me a blow-by-blow account of the short fight, and I was shocked, and terrified. _More?_ Why were there other vampires after me? Wasn't one enough?" And, I was thankful, so very thankful, that he'd been with me, and not out there.

"Jacob, you could have _died_."

He rolled his eyes at me. "No I couldn't have. That's not the problem. Even _without_ the element of surprise, a pack of three werewolves always kills the vampire, even if one of the wolves _is_ a newbie."

"You are so cocky, you're not getting it! Vampires are way stronger and more dangerous than werewolves!"

"Ugh!" he grunted. "No they're not! And you're the one that doesn't get it, Bella! Paul ripped that thing's throat out, and I'm way, way--" Jake started coughing horribly, clearing his throat and I realized that Angela had appeared, with a water for me, and a huge steaming hunk of hardly-cooked meat. "more lucky with the dice than he is…" he muttered, finishing his sentence in the strangest way imaginable. He's _what?_ Oh God! How much had Angela _heard?_ And… the other people in the room?

"Um…" Angela said, looking nervous, but excited at the same time. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop or anything, but were you guys just arguing about whether or not werewolves were stronger than vampires?" She put the plate down in front of Jake and eyed him speculatively.

"No!" I replied emphatically, horrified at what we'd just been talking about in _public_.

"Because Bella's totally right! I'm pretty sure a vampire could kick the hiney off a werewolf _any _time."


	21. All out

My jaw dropped in disbelief, and I felt like the world had shattered and then realigned itself all _wrong. Angela_ couldn't know about this stuff!

"At least… that's what Ben says," she said, rolling her eyes. "They're doing this big epic campaign right now, and he's the DM. He keeps complaining about having to give the werewolves easy ways to level-up so they don't get killed right off." she laughed lightly, before turning an accusing finger on me. I was at a complete loss for words. What the heck was she saying? "Bella! I can't believe you didn't tell me Jake plays Dee en Dee!"

I felt like there should be a great big Question Mark floating above my head. Jake, though, seemed to grasp what was going on, and he saved me.

"This Ben guy's a complete idiot. It's all in how you set up the character sheet, of course!"

She giggled and shrugged, picking up Jake's empty glass of soda. "Well, I don't know all that much about it, it's just residual information from spending all that time with Ben."

"You people are all just prejudiced against werewolves because you've been tainted by media. Wolves kick assss," Jake said confidently. "This one," said Jake, pointing at me in mock-disgust, "She sees like _one_ vampire movie, decides she knows everything about them, and decides we're… errr, my _character_, is totally lame."

"Oh no, Bella!" proclaimed Angela. I had been watching their conversation in absolute shock, unable to blink. What… what was happening? "You poor poor thing," she added, patting my shoulder sadly. "You've gone and started dating a _geek!_"

I smiled up at her weakly. All that I had been able to register was that, no… in fact, Angela did not know that vampires and werewolves were real, and that Jacob was some sort of dodging-spy-master for having diffused the situation so quickly. Great, another super-human ability.

"Don't worry, I'm starting a support group!"

"I'll join…" I murmured, still completely befuddled. Jake chuckled enthusiastically and cracked some sort of baffling joke about charisma scores that made Angela stare at him in wonderment for a second or two.

"Oh my gosh! We _have_ to double-date some time. Ben's always complaining that no one's got a healthy respect for fantasy creatures in this town, and I can't really argue with him, because I don't know what I'm talking about!"

"Yeah, we definitely should. I'd like to set your Ben straight about a few little _minor _details." The idea appealed to me somewhat, as well. I didn't know Ben at all, but if Ange liked him, he was probably a great person.

Just as we started in on plans to watch a movie together, Underworld, someone called Angela to attention, and she guiltily returned to work.

Jake took a big bite of his practically raw dinner, and smiled at me. "I like her, you've got good taste!"

"Well, that's nice… but Jacob, what _was_ all that?"

"That was me being right, _again. _I told you this was not the place to discuss." He frowned at me.

"Yeah… I know. Right again, like always." I sighed. "But more importantly… what the heck were you guys talking about?"

"D and D, _duh._"

"What _is_ that?"

"DUNGEONNNSS aand DRRAAAAGONs, Satan's Game!" Jake replied enthusiastically, spreading his huge wingspan out and using a deep overly-theatrical voice.

Everyone in the entire restaurant was staring at us, I could feel it. _Oh GOD! I don't _know _him. I did not come here with this boy. Please… can I be invisible now?_

"Oh come on… you know!" My blank stare was answer enough. "Uggh! Okay… so it's this game that you play in a group and…" that was the only part of his 15-minute speech that I understood at all. When he finally quieted down, I was flabbergasted.

"Jacob… you don't _play_ that game." He couldn't… because he _had_ a life.

"Nope," he said, grinning. "Not anymore, anyway."

"Jacob… _why_ would you ever play that game?"

"Middle school was boring, and Embry got the manual for Christmas." He was totally unembarrassed by divulging this… this… nerdlike behavior. Jacob the _geek? _"Then we discovered cars."

"Oh." So, that dark time was long passed. _Pheew_.

"Worked out pretty well… Thank God Embry had to use that excuse on his mom the other day, or I'd never have thought of it." Uh… _yeah._

Jake got irritated at me then, for not using the buffet correctly, or something, and dragged me up to get more food. This had to be his fourth plate or something. Where was it all going?

We were quiet for another long while. Jake seemed perfectly content to just eat, and look at me, but it made me feel a little uncomfortable, and I was so curious. Because, now that I thought about it objectively, he was right… Sam _had_ let him off easy.

"Why did you get out of the injunction a day early?" I asked, unable to handle the silence any longer.

"Ugh! Bells…" He stared at me pleadingly. "Can we please, _please_ talk about something else? I don't have any good cover-ups left."

"But," I said, annoyed.

"Stop! Can this _please_ be just about you, and me? None of that other crap? Just for now?"

"Fine," I said, coming to my senses. _Ahh,_ I sighed contentedly. _Me, and Jake… JakeandBells. The two of us… so much to talk about! _But… restaurant appropriate conversation? Surely, there must be something! I racked my brain for several minutes.

Nothing. What the heck were we supposed to talk about? I stared at him probingly while I sipped my water, hoping he'd think of something, since I had failed. All that happened was he started tugging on his collar again, and the third button suddenly popped off, landing with a spectacular splash in his soda.

I tried to laugh, but the liquid I had been in the process of swallowing shot out of my nose. Thankfully, it all landed in my plate. That, however, was the only thing I had to be thankful for.

"Oh nooooo!" I moaned in horror, grabbing a napkin and hiding my face. The insides of my nose burned, but not as badly as my cheeks.

"This is … the best night ever! I got _snarf points_ off you, Bells!" Jake was laughing loudly, brilliantly, and I could sense, _feel_ the people around us, staring AGAIN.

I dropped my head to the table, afraid to look. There were sniggers coming from all around, building up into wild laughs, and it was _me_ they were mocking. Lately, I just couldn't seem to cut a break! Couldn't I have just _one_ evening free of Stupid-Bella moments?

Finally, when the laughter had stopped, I whimpered, "Oh please, Jake…can we leave? Please?"

"_Now_? Before dessert?" he asked, clearly disturbed, smile disappearing.

"Find me a shovel and let me bury myself, pleeease," I begged.

"Well, I guess you've had enough embarrassment for one night… and if we wait much longer, they'll be coming out to sing 'Happy Birthday.'"

It only took one death-glare to make him realize just how not funny that was.

"Okay, okay," he said, acquiescing. "I'll be right back…"

As soon as he left, Angela's concerned voice interrupted my fervent self-loathing.

"Bella, are you alright?"

"Yes," I whispered. "I'm fine…" I looked up at her and tried to convey the _awfulness_ that had just happened. She smiled apologetically, and moved onto another topic.

"I like your Jacob, he seems really funny!" Funny. Yes, he was that. Ha bloody Ha Ha.

"Thanks Ange, I like him too… usually." I knew saying that would lead to her asking me deep questions, but I didn't mind bringing it up around her. She wouldn't ask me anything about _bases, _at the very least.

"Oh, I forgot… I wanted to apologize about not warning you about Jess…"

"Huh?" I asked weakly. Wow, she didn't take the bait. She had to be a saint, or something.

"She, uh… got to me too, right before my first date with Ben. All the makeup, and stuff…"

"Oh gosh, I forgot!" Stupid Jess and her stupid makeup, and the glitter, and the _skirt_.

"I mean, you do look really pretty, it's just Jess, she goes overboard, you know… this is like her area of expertise, and she loves to pamper people."

"Yeah…" I said, not trusting myself to say anything else, or I might start swearing.

"I mean, her mom's not really that--Oh! Jake's coming back… I'll leave you two be. Just… a little warning, okay? Don't go to bed without washing that stuff off, or you'll ruin your pillow!"

"Thanks Angela… you're a great friend." Had I ever told someone that before?

Jake sat down with the bill, and smiled over at me. It made my insides feel all melty. Why was he still being so sweet? All I'd done alll evening was screw stuff up, forcing him to talk about stuff he didn't want to, getting irritated all the time. Now I was making him leave early, for no good reason. But… I had to get out. I was the girl with the gorgeous boyfriend who just spouted water out her nose, and I needed to escape.

Of course, he insisted upon paying the bill, but I argued heatedly with him for such a long time that he got up midsentence and snagged another plateful of food. I used the time to come up with an effective argument.

"You don't even have a job!" I pointed out finally.

"Neither do you!" he shot back.

I stared at him in shock, and then realization hit. "Darn that Charlie! Is _nothing_ sacred?" I was never going to tell him anything ever again.

"Nope," said Jake with a smile, as he pulled out his wallet and fumbled around.

"At least let me leave the tip, okay? Please?" He conceded quickly, and I felt much better about the whole thing as I left a nice big one for my lovely friend.

Jake held the door for me on the way out, and I looked at him strangely before following him. There was just something… niggling at me. Something felt odd, still. Before I got all the way outside, he stopped me.

"Wait inside, okay? I'll go get the Rabbit," and he ran off. It was sprinkling outside. Gosh, it wasn't like I'd never been out of doors in Forks before or anything… I wasn't the Wicked Witch of the West… but, it was sweet, so thoughtful.

He stopped the car in front of the exit, and before I could reach the door handle, he had it opened, and he helped me inside, kissing my hand and smiling at me sweetly.

Then, as he gently closed the door, it hit me. Hit me hard. The problem. With the stupid shirt, with the restaurant… with the evening! This whole night, he'd been acting like he thought _I thought_ he should act. Not like himself at all… he was trying to act like what I was supposedly accustomed to. Acting like _Edward_, and failing. Jacob was not Edward, and I didn't want him to be. They were such opposites. He wasn't a perfect gentleman, for starters. Far from it! Actually, he was kind of _rude!_ He wasn't overly protective of me… he figured I could take care of myself just fine. While I rarely won arguments with him, it wasn't like I _lost_ them… he'd just laugh at me until I gave up. And he laughed… ALL the time.

It was as if someone had sat down, made a list of Edward's characteristics, and then flipped them entirely around to create Jake. He was reckless, he was burning hot. His skin and eyes were dark, but full of life and mirth. He hated formalities, loved to tease… He was _late_ to stuff, and not exactly the most responsible person ever. In fact, I would bet practically anything, that he hated 80s music. And… the idea of Jacob brooding? That was probably the least likely characteristic anyone would ever label him as having.

"So, where to, my lady?" he asked with a wry smile as he turned out of the parking lot. "I guess I should probably take you home, huh?"

I looked at my watch. _8:30_. No way was I going home yet.

"Nuh uh. You can't escape from me that easily."

"Darn," said Jake sarcastically. "Okay… so now what?"

Where to go with Jacob… The thing was, I really didn't care where. I was perfectly happy just sitting in the car with him, although it'd be nice if he wasn't actually driving.

"Can we go to First Beach?" I asked impulsively. I hadn't been to our favorite haunt all week, and I kind of missed it.

"Uh… sure, I guess. But… you do know it's not exactly the nicest night out, right?" I knew what he was thinking… _Crazy Bella._

"Yeah, I know. It's Forks, I think I'll be able to survive."

We drove in silence for awhile, and I decided I had to tell him. But, I'd have to be delicate about it, or I would hurt his feelings.

"Jake… don't take this the wrong way, okay?"

"Ookay…" he said slowly.

"Dinner was… nice."

"Right. Um, how do I take that the wrong way, exactly?"

"Could we… maybe, um, never go on another date again?"

"Oh."

Yup, he'd taken it the wrong way.

"I don't mean I don't want to be with you, because I do. But… that's not us. That's not _you_. Sitting around at the table, wearing dress clothes? There's no way that shirt actually belongs to you."

He snorted. "It does now! I forgot to grab the stupid button, can't return it anymore. What a complete waste!"

"Don't get me wrong, it looks really great on you, and I appreciate all the effort, but… Jacob Black is not a dressy kind of guy. It just doesn't suit you."

"Yeah, you're right… I don't really think sparkles suit you, either." I blushed in embarrassment, and muttered _Stupid Jessica!_ under my breath.

He took my hand and squeezed it. "So. No more dates?"

"Nope," I replied, glad he seemed to understand so well.

"Thank God! I felt so completely stupid in this get-up."

"Oh gosh, me too! This evil outfit, and the makeup? Ugh!"

"Yeah… that stuff smells pretty disgusting, Bells. But… Jess did this to you, right?"

"Yes," I growled in irritation.

"Remind me to thank her, okay?"

"_Why?_" Oh no, I was going to have to go out and buy makeup now, and wear makeup. Because Jake liked it.

"Because… otherwise you never would have worn that shirt. It's nice to be able to _see_ your waist for once, instead of having to go searching for it."

I blushed furiously, but felt a little less angry with her. "I don't mind when you go searching, though."

He chortled loudly. "Yeah, I don't mind, either… but it saves me a bit of work, you know?"

The drive to the beach was filled with flirtatious fun, and it all flowed so easily. I didn't have to grasp around for things to say, and he didn't wait for me to speak. We just talked, about whatever. Nothing really important. It was just me, and Jake, the way it should be.

When we got to the beach, we kicked off our shoes and socks and chased each other around for awhile, just like little kids. Except, of course, that my main goal was to get him to kiss me. Finally, after the 4th failed attempt, he grabbed hold of my shoulders and reprimanded me soundly.

"What do you think Billy would say if I came home covered in all that crap?"

"But…" I pouted.

He pulled his shirt off then, and I immediately pressed my cold fingers into the flesh he uncovered. Lovingly, and gently as if he was my mother, he wiped away the rest of the lipstick.

"Please," he whispered, slowly lifting me to my tip-toes. "Never wear that stuff _again_!" I was more than happy to agree.

Sometime later, our passionate kissing halted, and we walked aimlessly around, squidging our toes in the sand, and holding hands. Neither of us spoke for awhile, but this silence was different. Nice, and comforting, even. I never wanted the moment to end, but my stupid inquisitive brain kicked in. Trying to clear it of the question, I initiated another long bout of kisses, but when we broke apart, I still wanted to know. After all, he _had_ promised to tell me.

"How did you get out of the injunction a day early?"

I could barely see his face in the darkness, but I was sure he winced. "I… I don't really know, exactly. I just got so worried about you…"

"Why?" I asked, surprised.

"I wasn't trying to spy on you or anything, honest! But… you had those nightmares, and you always seem to sleep better when…" he broke off, and I was a little bit disturbed. The idea of him sitting in the woods, guarding me, listening to my tortured screams in the wee hours of the morning… the dreams he probably reeally wanted to know about, but that I would never, ever explain. Those were mine. "I thought if I could just see you, that things would be better, but Sam made it so I couldn't even do _that_… so I had Jared go explain things… and then he was an ass. Still, I thought you'd be alright that night, but when you weren't… well, I sort of freaked."

That was a bad night for both of us, I guess.

"So… Wednesday, I went over to Sam's and told him off for punishing _you_, when it hadn't been your fault. It was… really weird, honestly. I was just venting at him, shouting all this random stuff. And then, I threatened to go to you no matter what, and all of a sudden, he just… agreed."

I was touched that he had done all that for me, and I wrapped my arms tightly around his bare torso, snuggling against him, and sighing.

"Maybe he just felt bad," I suggested.

"I dunno… maybe. I guess we're having a _talk_ in a few days… all I can say is it better not be like the one Charlie gave me. I'd have to kick his ass."

"…_Charlie?_ What did he say?" Oh dear, he didn't… The you're-an-idiot-but-I-love-you face Jake gave me was really irritating.

"He's your dad… what do you _think_ he said?" His voice lowered and became more gruff. "You know I like you, son, but if you hurt my little girl, I've got a shotgun and a saw, and well…"

" I _can't _believe he did that! What a jerk!"

"Oh come on, it was the least he could do… and daaamn, you didn't tell me he had such a temper!"

"A temper? What are you talking about?"

"I, uh, well, I guess in retrospect that wasn't the _best_ time to crack a joke, but wow, he's graphic. He went into all these details about where he was going to put my body parts so no one'd ever be able to put me back together, and that, Thank _God_, is when you came back downstairs."

"Wow…" I said. I'd never taken Charlie to be so… dad-like.

"Speaking of which," he said, grabbing my wrist and examining the watch critically. "I'd better take you home now."

We walked back slowly, genuinely bummed out. Neither of us bothered to put our shoes back on, and Jake, thank goodness, didn't open the door for me. Everything felt so much better, and I told him so the whole ride back, with every squeeze of his hand, and adoring gaze I could muster. I think he understood.

Soon, too soon, we were parked in front of my house, and I wasn't ready to leave, because I had something else to say. I searched my thoughts, wanting to make sure I'd really mean it when it came out. Yes, I would mean it. When I turned to look at him full on, the declaration I was about to utter died away, because Jake was holding something.

It was a square, skinny package, inexpertly wrapped in inside-out Christmas paper and duct tape.

"I thought… you said…"

"Okay, so I _did_ go all out," he said, with a big grin. "But don't you go and say you don't like gifts or anything, none of that complaining!"

"Yes sir," I muttered in mild irritation.

As I my fingers tried to find a place to tear, he explained, "It's nothing big… I just thought you might need it, you know?"

It was an 18-month calendar, and the cover had the face of a wolf staring intently ahead. Its dark eyes made my heart ache, because it spoke a million different words all at once, and I understood them all.

"It's perfect," I murmured, and I really meant it. This… this was a gift I could appreciate. Spontaneous, thoughtful, cheap, and loving. It was something I had a half-chance of being able to duplicate.

"I'm glad you like it," he said, laughing softly. "The guys all posed so nice for me."

I giggled at the thought, and I prepped myself to say it, again. "Jake, I—"

"I'll walk you to your door," he said quickly, and I grudgingly got out with many irritated thoughts about rude boys, and I wondered about the stupid plan. My feet touched the wet pavement and I let out a little gasp, which made Jake laugh softly. He was right beside me, and, taking my hand again, he led me slowly to the house.

Suddenly, at the bottom of the steps leading to the porch, I stopped. Jake didn't notice at first, and he dragged me a few inches through the mud before he turned to look at me.

"It's raining," I said seriously.

"Gee, is that why I smell wet dog?" he snorted at me, and tried to pull me again up the stairs, clearly not understanding the significance.

Silly little Jacob; didn't he know where we were? This was an important place, and the rain… I squeezed his fingers tightly.

"Kiss me," I said. Things were coming together slowly. Jake's occasional odd behavior, not letting me finish certain sentences…

"I'm, uh, pretty sure Charlie's watching," he feebly protested, already lowering himself slowly towards my upturned face. Droplets dribbled off his hair and splashed across my cheeks, but I didn't blink as I looked deep into his eyes.

"I don't care." This pleased him greatly.

Just before our mouths joined, I spoke again. "Jake, I lo-"

The kiss that cut off my words confirmed my suspicions, and I would have smiled in triumph if my lips and tongue hadn't been in the middle of a playful little battle. I had figured out the plan, finally! He was trying desperately to make me love him. I would play along, for as long as he needed. His goal had already been reached, but if he thought I had to go through some sort of stupid steps to make it official, well…, so be it.

My calendar was thoroughly soaked by the time I came inside, and I ignored Charlie's question about my muddy feet, and how my date had gone. The joy radiating from my soul had to tell him everything he really wanted to know.

"Good night," I said as I walked up the stairs shakily, holding onto the railings for dear life. My body was going to burst. I was going to disintegrate into a billion tiny pieces and be absorbed into the atmosphere, and everyone in the whole world would feel bliss as they breathed me in.

When that didn't actually happen, I hung the calendar on the wall directly across from my bed, so that it would be the first thing I saw in the morning, and then I showered. It took a very long time to get all the garbage out of my hair and off my face, and I was completely exhausted by the time I crawled into bed.

It was very dark in my bedroom, so much so that I couldn't even make out the crinkled wolf that was looking at me so intensely, but I could feel it.

Wondering if_ my wolf _was already outside, guarding me, I whispered softly, "Jacob Black, I love you."

Sleep came quickly, and the dreams were sweet and beautiful, completely untainted by any of the tribulations that were certain to follow in the days ahead.


	22. The end

**Jacob PoV**

"I keep…"Bella murmured breathlessly into my ear. "Sometimes... I feel like... the story is over." I stopped my careful nibbling at her collarbone, something that I had recently discovered was both beautiful and tasty, and absently massaged the back of her neck with one finger while I tried to kick-start my brain back into gear. It took awhile, and she giggled at me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked when her words finally registered. What story could she possibly be thinking about? Pulling my hand out from underneath her waist, I braced myself up just enough to see her face and rosy cheeks. Her big brown eyes focused on me, and then her cheeks reddened further and she bit her lip. She was so… so beautiful. So beautiful… and _mine._

"Nothing… I was just… just thinking," she whispered, and clenched her fists tighter around my hair, trying to pull me closer, to change the subject back to… uh, nothing. _God!_ I loved it when she did that… pulled me closer instead of pushing me away like she had been, for months. Even though we couldn't exactly get much closer than we already were, with me half-squishing her on the bench of her truck, she still… still wanted _me._ She couldn't have escaped from me right now, even if she tried, and she _knew _that. Knew that I was inhumanly strong, a monster, but she still trusted me. She _trusted_ me. This girl was so crazy, and I loved her for it. If it wasn't for all the careful planning I'd spent weeks on, I'd give her exactly what we both wanted right now, but no… _one of us_ had to be responsible.

"Nuh-uh!" I grunted at her, hauling her into a semi-upright position against the driver- side door and scowling at her sternly. _I hate being responsible…_

"Never mind, it's not important," she said quickly, trying to avoid my eyes by staring at my t-shirt. _Stupid school dress-code_. It would have been a nice ego-boost if she'd gone all slack jawed like usual, but the pout wasn't too bad. "I didn't mean to say it out loud."

"Well, you did, so now you've got to explain, or I'll think you're conspiring." _Hypocrite!_ I was such a fucking hypocrite. She'd told me _everything_, and I still hadn't. The biggest secret… _She's not ready! Wait!_ We'd rushed through everything else, at the very least we could hold off on this one… "What story?"

"Ours," she mumbled, and winced. _Huh?_ "It's just, Jake… they _never_ write about this part! The stories… the movies? They skip this stuff. This is the part in those romantic comedies where there's a 30 second montage spanning months, of the perfect, happy relationship, right before one of them dumps the other! I don't… I don't know what's supposed to happen anymore. They always get together at the very end, and then..." she cut off, and met my eyes. If I looked half as bewildered as I felt, she knew what I was thinking.

"I don't get it," I said slowly. She made me feel like such an idiot sometimes… Threw me for a loop. Skip _what_ stuff? She wanted to _skip_ this? This… picking me up after school and sneaking off to make-out on a deserted bike path? Well, I sure as hell didn't.

"Well, I mean, come on, Jake! Faerie tale creatures, the perfect guy being so patient and understanding to a girl who's really not worth it…" I rolled my eyes, ready to protest, "… and wonderful outdoor picnics, and …._kissing_ in the rain? It's a story! And it should have ended last week! With, you know…" She blushed red as a beat and covered her face in her hands and mumbled something incomprehensible. Not even _my_ ears could make sense of it.

I pulled her into my lap and smoothed the hair I'd mussed up so well, sending wafts of a sweet smell all around the cabin; if she ever stopped using that strawberry scented shampoo, I'd be distraught. "Say that last part again?" I asked teasingly. She still had her face covered, with just her cute little nose sticking out, and I gently peeled her fingers off, one at a time.

She huffed at me irritably. "I don't want to, you'll just tease me!" she pouted. I pouted right back, pushing my lower lip out ridiculously and touching my forehead to hers.

"Pweeeeeeeeeeaaze!" I begged. Why this always worked, I'll never know, because it made me feel like a total dork.

Groaning and squeezing her eyes shut, she blurted "_happily ever after!_" as quickly as she could. I got it this time, and it made my heart skip several beats. _Wow._

When I didn't say anything for a long time (I was busy trying to figure out when my life went from being in the sci-fi-action/adventure genre, to chick-flick in the blink of an eye), she opened one eye hesitantly and took in my big goofy smile.

"You're not mad at me?" she asked nervously. _Mad at her?_ For what? I kissed her, and she had completely relaxed by the time I leaned back.

"No, I'm not mad. But… honey, we're not there yet." Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "We've got a long way to go. Seriously."

Yeah, she was clueless.

"It's not over until you die, Bells," I said, matter-of-factly, putting my hand on her chest, right above where her heart was beating wildly. "And we're very much alive." She winced for a second, but before I could ask why, she wrapped one little hand around mine, and grinned evilly, effectively reinitiating another epic make-out session.

But, five minutes later, she tried to pull away. "Jake," she muttered feebly into my lips. I ignored her, pulling her tighter to me, squeezing as much as I dared. _Shut up, Bells! _Her fingers tightened around my hair again and pulled backwards. It was a useless gesture, and as she tried to speak again, I bit down playfully on her lower lip._ Please God, just make her stop thinking!_

"Ja—cob!" she said angrily, bracing her hands against my chest and pushing away lightly.

"Whaat," I grumbled, suddenly realizing that maybe she was actually trying to get away from me now… was she really that weak? _Yikes_.

"It's Thursday!" she announced, looking at her watch apprehensively.

"Thursday?" I asked stupidly, like it mattered what day it was. There were two kinds of days as far as I was concerned: weekend, and not-weekend.

"Yes," she hissed. "And I don't want you to get in trouble again!"

"Huh?"

She gave me that _Don't be an idiot_ face that always made my gut lurch, and then I remembered the significance of Thursday. _Damnit! Shiiit!_

"Do you need a ride over to Emily's?"

"Hah! I could get there faster walking _backwards_ than in this old beater!" _Sam, shiiit!_

"No mocking the truck, buster, or _else_!" she griped testily.

Oh, such an opener for teasing, but now I was getting really desperate, and I jumped out of the truck. Right before I ran off, I remembered my stupid shirt, and I pulled it up over my head, kicked off my shoes, and ran over to the driver's side door.

"What, are you trying to taunt me with your—" she started to snipe, before I pulled her into a tight hug and gave her one last, _please let it not be the last!_ long kiss.

I threw the shoes into the cab and grinned at her while she was still breathless. "No peep show, okay, missy?" I asked with a laugh, and I threw the t-shirt over her head. As soon as I was in the forest, the sweats were off and rolled up safely around my leg. Then, I leaped wildly into the air and spun, landing a few seconds later on four paws. _It's not showing off if no one's looking!_

_Don't be late, don't be late, don't be late!_ I begged. Damn it for being _Thursday!_ Already? And yet, still… _only_ Thursday? Everything was moving so fast and slow at the same time. And how come she knew what day it was _today _when last week she'd been totally out of the loop? Maybe that calendar had come in handy.

But, not really. Because this stupid meeting that Sam had kept putting off… _Maaan_, was it going to suck! Why hadn't he just gotten it over with this weekend like we were supposed to? It wasn't like he was busy, there'd been no sign of old Vicky since that gray-haired leech had gotten himself decapitated. It wasn't like I didn't already know _exactly_ what Sam was gonna say, either. I'd been over it a hundred times. The plan was going to work, and nothing… no, _no one_, was going to stand in our way.

As my paws pounded into the earth beneath me, and the trees shot by in brown and green blurs, I wondered what he was going to do. Sam had been avoiding phasing with me all week, and none of the guys could tell me what was up, which was really unnatural. As much as I hated that we could read each other's minds, it did create a trust-bond that was pretty much unbreakable. Having a secret was just _wrong_. What was I supposed to do if he made another injunction? There had to be a way around it… He couldn't keep me from her forever; he had to see that she needed me.

A few minutes passed before I strode towards the house with as much confidence as I could pull off. I wasn't going to go to face him like a child, and I was going to show him that he couldn't just cow me into submission, that I wasn't going to give in without a fight.

The kitchen was empty for the first time in recorded history, and that had me more nervous; I could hear that Emily had been talking to him in the living room, but she'd cut off as soon as I got close enough to hear the words, which meant it was about _us_. She seemed to like Bella, so surely, surely _she'd_ be on my side. They were arguing, though, and that had me really worried, because they _never_ argued. I stood and waited, not wanting to interrupt anything, hoping… wishing I could postpone doom.

Emily quietly entered the kitchen a few seconds later, and her good eye had an uncharacteristic tightness to it that didn't bode well for me.

"Hi there, Jake! It's nice to see you made it on time," she said, with an attempt at her usually warm smile.

"Hey, Em…" I said cautiously, wincing unintentionally.

"Why don't you go on ahead in, and I'll make a snack, alright?" She started bustling around the kitchen immediately, acting like my life wasn't about to be over.

I nodded resignedly, and entered the lion's pit. At least I'd get some food out of this.

Sam was leaning back in the ratty old recliner, hands folded across his chest, and his face that utter serenity that always eluded me.

"Have a seat," he said softly. I obeyed, and leaned forward in my chair, staring into my pack-leader's eyes with defiance.

"You know this is completely pointless, Sam. I'm _not_ leaving her."

"And _you_ know that someday you're going to."

"No, I am _not_!" I retorted angrily.

Sam kept his cool, like always. Sometimes, it was like he _had_ no emotions. "Your bloodlines are too pure, Jacob. Bella's not the right one, and that's been made clear."

_Fucking imprinting._

"It's not going to happen, damn it, Sam!" No… it wasn't. I'd thought it all through, and it couldn't happen. Bella was_ the one_. She was it. _"A_nd you _can't_ keep me from being with her." I was practically shouting now, but I kept the shaking in check, because if I phased, he would win. He would win, and I would lose. No, I would not shake; I'd be as emotionless as a rock. Just like him.

Sam didn't respond, and he still looked utterly tranquil, like he wasn't there at all. Just a shell. Finally, after a long silence where I glared, and he breathed slowly, he nodded.

"You're right, Jake. I can't."

My eyebrows shot up, and I straightened in surprise.

"So… you're agreeing with me?"

"No. I think you're going to break that poor girl even further than she already is, and you'll hate yourself for the rest of your life for what you did to her. For what you and that bloodsucker did to such a nice girl."

I felt sick, because I knew what he was thinking, the part that he didn't add, but that I'd heard in his thoughts a hundred times already. _Like what I did to Leah._

"Sam… I am not you," I said slowly… this was such a touchy subject. Leah… she'd be okay eventually, right? "I'm not going to imprint on anyone. I've seen every single girl on the rez, and you _know_ I've figured this all out."

He shook his head slowly, face still so blank. "You can't know that you're right, none of us really understands how it works. And, I've already told you, Jacob. Your blood is--"

"Oh _fuck_ my blood!" It was so stupid, so old fashion. Why did he always bring it up?

Finally, he showed some sort of response, he suddenly looked really tired. _Join the club._

"That's just it… Blood is _everything_, Jake, and that's why I can't stop you from taking this path. Believe me, I would, if I could."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean, Sam?" This wasn't like him, he always went straight to the point, none of this cryptic crap. Was he trying to say he was too d_ignified_ to order me not to do something? He certainly hadn't had any problem with it in the past. What, was he was hoping I would "smarten up?" Not a chance!

"Jake," he said slowly, deliberately. "I didn't ask you here to talk about Bella, or the inevitability of your imprinting on someone." He leaned forward in his chair then, and studied my reaction carefully, which wasn't necessary, seeing as I was blatantly confused. _How could it not be about Bella?_

"Okay… what else is there to talk about? And… what's such a big deal that you've been avoiding me all week?" _And that you ordered the other guys not to tell me…_

Sam stood then, and stared down at me "I'm not the Alpha, Jacob, _you_ are." He said this with such a straight face that I _knew_ it just had to be a joke. Some early April Fool's gag. But when I started to laugh nervously, he didn't even blink. The man could be a poker champion.

"Uh… Sam? That doesn't make any sense. If I was the alpha, I'd be in charge… and you wouldn't be able to boss me around…" That's when things finally clicked together. "Oh," I said, stunned.

"Billy and I were going to tell you about this in a few weeks. It wasn't something either of us wanted to spring on you so soon… but, circumstances change."

"This doesn't make sense!" I muttered, praying it was all still a joke. I had just gotten used to the idea of not being in charge of my own body, and now he tells me I _am? AND_ I'm in charge of everyone else? _What the hell?_

"It does, if you follow the bloodlines, Jake."

"But… uh, Sam… you completely beat the shit out of me that first time I phased. When I … when I, oh! Is _that_ why I attacked you?" That had been seriously freaky, I mean above and beyond suddenly growing fur all over the place, and not having thumbs. I'd seen him, for maybe what? Five seconds? And all I could think about was ripping the black wolf's throat out. Like I didn't have a mind at all, just instincts.

"You were born to be Alpha, Jacob. There can only be one,"

"You have _got _to be kidding me!" I said flatly. Quoting _Highlander_, seriously? "Sam… I'm _sixteen! _I can't be the leader of the pack! This is so… stupid!"

"This is not the time for modesty, Jacob. You _know_ that you're better at phasing than any of us, and you're still growing. Pretty soon, you'll be stronger than me."

_Grreaaat._ "I knew there was a reason I never did well in school, it's because being the best _sucks._"

"Stop trying to make a joke out of this. This is the future of our tribe we're talking about here."

"Yeah… and there's no way the tribe is safe in _my _hands, man," I muttered, staring into those very hands.

"I don't know about that," he said, slowly. "Yes, you're young, but you have leadership skills."

"Hah! Bullshit! If it wasn't for me, Quil could've _died_. One of my best friends… almost died because of a girl," I stared at the ground. Deep down, I couldn't deny it; I'd do it again, and again if I was given the choice. Because sitting there, listening to Bella cry for _hours_, had been unbearable. _I_ had caused her that pain… and if I hadn't gone to her then, hadn't…No, I'd do it again, her above all others. Above the pack, above the tribe.

"You know, Jake," Sam said suddenly, as I looked blankly out into space, imagining the shit I would cause if I was the alpha. "It took me _two _whole weeks to phase back that first time. And Jared and Paul? Almost a week each. By Embry, I thought I'd figured out how to explain it, and it seemed pretty successful: only three days."

I winced.

"It took you six hours. _Six_."

"That doesn't mean anything," I mumbled, heat rising to my face. _So that's why they were so stunned_… _I'm a fucking freak among _freaks_!_

"You're right, _that_ doesn't." His words made me finally look up, and he looked amazed. "What _does _matter, is that it only took Quil a little over a day."

"Well, I guess you just learned how to teach it better, or maybe Quil figured it out faster than normal…" I suggested, idly. It could happen.

Sam laughed with no humor. "Quil's an idiot, Jake. He only figured it out because _you_ taught him how."

"Quil's not a-" I started to protest. Okay…so _idiot_ was a little strong a word. But dumbass? Yeaaah. Particularly when he forgot his own strength and broke the damned door off the Rabbit.

"I don't want this, Sam," I begged. _Sucks to be me!_

"It's up to you, of course…"

"Huh?" I said, suddenly feeling elated.

"But Jake… you need to think about this, seriously."

"What do you mean, it's up to me?" I exclaimed.

"We can't _force _you to do this. If you don't want it, that's your choice, but it _is_ your birthright."

"Hell, man… you can _have_ it. I mean, I'm sorry I'm making you keep the stupid job, but—"

Sam cut me off, looking surprised. "You think I don't want it?"

"No…" I said slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Who gives up what they don't want?"

"Wow… Okay, Jake, you're really not getting it! This is… this is supposed to be for the good of our_ people_. It's not about me, or you, or passing the buck!" _Finally, _he looked angry. An emotion! Praise God.

"Oh, well… cool for you, then," I said with a grin, not really caring any more.

"I can't believe you're not taking this seriously! This is your tribe, your blood, your _ancestors. _Think about Billy, and what you're doing for your people. Doesn't that stuff _matter?_" I could just see the soap box he was standing on. But, he had a point.

"Yes," I answered truthfully. _Dad,_ Dad would be so proud… He'd have done a jig when I first phased in front of him, if, well, he'd been able to move his legs, and if I hadn't almost killed him. "But, Sam, I'm not ready for this shit. How'm I supposed to _lead_?"

He sighed, and brushed a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know, kid, it's tough." I scowled at him for a second, and he walked into the kitchen to grab some sandwiches.

We ate in silence, and I made a determined effort to concentrate, but my eyes wandered to the counter, where a newspaper headline blared **Missing Father and Son in Olympia, Mother Found DEAD.** While I stared at the words, unblinkingly_, freshman at UW missing since... _I tried to imagine what it'd be like to be the alpha, what it'd really be like. _Ugh!_ Even the _idea_ of being in charge made me feel like running away and never coming back. Ordering someone around? _Ordering _Sam? That was so messed up. But… Dad would be so disappointed if I didn't take it. And then, Sam could never order me to leave Bella alone _again_. For a few brief seconds I envisioned myself the triumphant hero of La Push, with the pack following me everywhere, and everyone in awe of my abilities… Bella at my side, looking up adoringly. Then it all crumbled. I had no good reasons for being alpha, except for extremely selfish ones, and I wasn't dumb enough to think that was enough.

As I swallowed the last bite, my decision was made. "I can't be--" but Sam cut me off.

"You don't have to make this decision right n_ow, _of course. This is a big deal. This is, life altering!"

"Sure, sure…" I muttered, staring into space.

"You can't possibly have thought it all the way through yet!"

I nodded; a few days would be good… to really think about everything, to… I rolled my eyes. Who'm I kidding? The moment I knew I had a choice, I'd already made it. If I put it off, it'd just be a show for my dad, so he could think I wasn't just abandoning my stupendous _birthright_.

"This is going to change things, either way, you know."

"Like what?" Right now I was second-in-command, would this… demote me? That kind of sucked, but I'd take it if it meant I wasn't in charge.

"You have to stick to your decision. If you accept me as alpha, then I have the authority, and you _have_ to obey me. If you try to defy me _ever again, _there will be problems… and there's just no turning back, do you understand?" He stared at me intently.

I thought I already _did_ have to obey him; I certainly hadn't been able to see Bella last week, even though he'd only said I couldn't _speak _to her. It had turned out that _intent_ counted, too, if he wanted it to… totally sucked. "No," I admitted. "I don't think I do." This was sort of my whole future, so it didn't seem like now was the best time to pretend I wasn't a doofus.

Sam nodded his head, thinking to himself. "If you defy me… we will have to fight." _Fight?_ My eyebrows shot up. "We will fight, and you will win, Jake. You will win, or you'll be out of the pack. Out of the tribe."

"_What_?" That was complete bullshit! "So if I disagree with you on one little thing, I get kicked out of La Push? Who decided that?" If it came between choosing Bella, and the tribe? I didn't have to think about it long to know what I'd do.

"The tribal elders and I, we met and discussed it, and this is what we all agreed upon. And no, a disagreement isn't enough. But if you go against a direct injunction, you will be undermining my rights as pack leader, and we will have no other choice, for the good of the people."

_Oh,_ that wasn't so bad… so long as he kept his nose out of my personal life. Wow, so, my dad had agreed to banish me? That kind of burned. To Dad, though, the tribe was all he had left, so it really wasn't that surprising.

"Has this… happened before?" It hadn't in any story _I'd_ ever heard of.

"Well, no…" he admitted with an ironic grin. "I uh… did some research on wolf packs. We've never been big enough for there to have been _two_ alphas, and, well…"

"So, we're basing this on _The Discovery Channel?_... Kick ass." Sarcasm was our friend. Really, though? _Seriously_? One afternoon of watching TV had brought him to this conclusion? Brilliant. But, it didn't really change anything. "I don't _want_ to be Alpha, Sam."

Sam's body relaxed visibly, a tension releasing I hadn't known was there before.

"Is that your final decision?" he asked seriously, like he was handing down a verdict in a courtroom.

"You… you won't make me break up with Bella?" I asked nervously. He had to know that was a deal-breaker for me.

"No… I won't force you to do the right thing." He turned and looked into the kitchen, at Emily, who had a smug little smile on half her face. "Or I'll be sleeping on the couch for a good, long, while."

"You got that right," Emily called with a laugh. "I'll make good on my promise, you watch out!" She laughed to herself again, and went back to some sort of kitcheny task. Probably cooking dinner, seeing as three sandwiches barely constituted a snack in wolf-world.

_Thank God for Emily_. "Then Sam, you can keep your job, I don't want it." We grinned at each other, Sam actually acting _human_ for once.

"Excellent," he said, clapping me on the back, and I stood to leave. "Now, just one more thing, Jake."

"Oh great, what?" Was he going to tell me I was the Messiah or something? Wouldn't surprise me, at this rate.

"Please, for the Love of God, don't skip school the next time you want to talk to me."

_Huh?_ Well, at least I wasn't really the Easter Bunny. "So says the drop-out! what's it matter if I skip occasionally?" I snorted, rolling my eyes.

The soapbox reappeared, and while I saw his lips moving, all I heard was _blah blah blah_. Finally, in the middle of a huge run-on sentence on the subject of _Tribal integrity, _I cut him off.

"Okay okay, I won't skip all the time! Happy?"

"Have a nice day," he said, leaning back in his chair and pulling out the newspaper I'd glanced at earlier.

There was one more sandwich waiting for me in the kitchen, and I scooped it up immediately. "Thanks Em, you're a life-saver!" I started to walk outside with it, but she called me back.

"Now, Jacob… there is something I want to talk to you about."

"Yeah? What's up?" I took an enormous bite of sandwich and chewed. Emily talk meant Bella talk, of course. She was on my side, though, so that was cool. How could I have doubted her? She _was_ the one who taught me to make omelets, after all.

"You need to tell her, you know." _Uuugh_, imprinting AGAIN! I swallowed noisily.

"I knooooow, and I'm gonna! The time's just not right yet!"

She narrowed her eye at me and pointed with a big wooden spoon covered in something sweet-smelling. Sugar, and cinnamon, and… "When's the right time, Jake? When you imprint on someone and dump her?"

"I'm not going to imprint!" I defended myself irritably; how many times would I have to explain that?

"Maybe not, but she has the right to know that it's a possibility." She looked sad, and I knew she was thinking about Leah, who still had no idea _why_ her longtime boyfriend had dumped her for her cousin.

"I will tell her, soon," I promised.

"Okay, Jake… you do that, soon. Or, _I'll_ tell her." I knew she wasn't lying.

"Yeah, okay, whatever," I grumbled, starting to walk out the door, when an idea struck. "Actually, Em? Can I borrow your phone?"

"Of course! You know you're always welcome!"

I dialed the number and grinned when it picked up after the second ring. She was in the kitchen, as always. "Hey there, Bells! Wanna go on a _not-date_ to get some Chinese food?"

_Jaaaaake_, she whined, _the Chinese here's really grosss_.

I'd tell her soon, but seriously… what was the rush?

We had all the time in the world.


	23. Epilogue

**Edward PoV**

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Running. It was all I had left. The run. The wind. Perfection in simplicity. I focused my thoughts on every blade of grass, every muscle and tendon's contraction, and imagined the pulse of my heart, should it still beat. As I sped through the jungle, every unique quality about every tree I passed was memorized, catalogued, and studied. I analyzed the bird calls, writing symphonies to each new theme, in the styles of Bach, Schoenberg, even Cage… The few clouds I could detect between the dense foliage became works of art, and I listed every color and brush style I would use to paint them. In short, I did my best to think of everything but what was tearing at my insides. It should have been enough to distract myself. If I were human, it would be.

But for this mind, this machine, there could be no such relief, because all I could see was her, in everything. The birdcall sixty-three seconds ago began with the same interval leap as her lullaby; the blue sky, no matter that it was the wrong shade, was hers. Each thought traced directly to that of which I was most ashamed—even the very forest itself held a near-constant image of her motionless form, lying lifeless the way she had looked when I abandoned her. She had been there for so long, searching for me. For her own good, I thought over and over, as I watched her from afar to make certain she would return safely home.

Safe. It was a farce, though, because that Wolf, Sam Uley, had found her, and I saw what he did to his Emily. The predator inside me had demanded that I kill him. Kill him for being just like me, and scarring the one we loved most. Then, I would have rescued her myself, and taken her away forever. I simply could have told her it was all a dream, just a nightmare. It would have been such an easy out, for both of us… her dreams, they were so vivid. She would have believed me. Believed me in a heartbeat. And, I could have taken that away from her, too. Taken away her pulse and turned her blood to venom, and made her mine forever, the way we both wanted.

It wasn't right, though. Her life was beautiful, a work of art. I would sooner have destroyed the Mona Lisa than taken away her soul.

Every second since then had been a struggle, a battle of wills, and it only got more painful as the days went by. I had been weeks? Hours? No… moments away from losing control completely and running back to beg for her for forgiveness, when Rosalie had called me. She called and said that Bella had killed herself, and my world almost ended. I couldn't believe her, and I had been right. Bella promised. Rose, that vapid churl, shouting at me that she had been right all along about meddling with humans, as though she had no idea she had destroyed my very being. As if she didn't care. What had she been thinking, to lie to me about something like that?

Even knowing what I knew now, I would never take back the call I had made to her home. Knowing she was alive was worth anything. It didn't matter that I had been forced to listen to my love choosing the first option, had to feel her absently, uncaringly, hang up the phone forty-nine minutes later, without a second thought for me. My Bella, did what I could not, what was impossible, and found someone new. She moved on.

It was unfathomable that I stayed on the phone for so long. So long, and for what? What had I been hoping would happen?

There was no point pondering, because I knew exactly my selfishness desired: for Bella to pick up the phone and intuitively know it was me, that I was there, not my father. For her to tearfully beg me to come back and make our broken halves whole again. To promises, again, that she would love me, and only me for all time, the way I loved her. God, should He exist for me, surely has a sense of humor. For instead of reuniting me with my love, no, my obstinate refusal to hang up led to me hearing the exact moment that she moved on from me. The pain had been unbearable at hearing her laughter. I kissed Jacob Black. I would carry the burden with me for all eternity. I kissed Jacob Black; it was like bells tolling the Apocalypse.

A vampire should have understood immediately that it all wasn't simply a waking nightmare. That the reality was me, sitting in that musty old hotel room a, holding onto the cell phone, knowing, she was there on the other end. So close, and yet lost forever. It was what I had promised for her, what I had planned. A happy, human life.

Why then, why had she chosen a child? The boy's thoughts were mundane, typical, and vulgar. How could she have fallen for someone so wholly different from me, and a wolf-pup, at that? He wasn't safe, he wasn't safe at all! Maybe the God that tortured me, though, would take pity upon her. Surely, surely, he had imprinted upon her, and though she was not guaranteed out of harm's way, at least he could not make the same mistake that I had. He would never leave her, this Jacob Black. He'd be the right one… the one.

How could that be, though? How could anyone be perfect for Bella save me? I needed her, just as she needed me. It was clear, from everything, that we were destined for one another. Her mind was closed like no other, and her blood sang to me. She had known what I was, and shown no fear, not ever. My fearless, beautiful, innocent, selfless Bella…

Safe, though… she was safer with another, and human. I needlessly reminded myself that her success should give me comfort. No matter what, however, I could not escape her scent, the pull of her. Even now, it only got worse with every step I took away from her. Unlike a computer hard drive, my mind could not be wiped clean of Isabella Swan. She would haunt me for all eternity. That was why I had started this mad run down the continent, because, if I did not run away from her, I would return. For someone so perceptive, how was it that she hadn't realized there was no dial tone, that I was still there, waiting for her? Sometimes, I decided, it was for the best, as I had already ruined her life enou—

Suddenly, in the midst of this desolate rainforest, I heard a voice shouting. Someone's thoughts, when I had successfully avoided humans for days on end. Almost unintentionally, I stopped. The surprise at hearing this particular voice flooded my mind with questions that drowned out all my other thought processes. It left my instincts bared. Knowing, down to the second, how long it had been since I last drank only made the ache, the need, the hunger, gnaw at me with more vigor. I could have killed anything with a heartbeat at this moment. It was a very good thing, then, that this was no human, but Rosalie.

--so very sorry, please let me explain. Edward, Edward, can you hear me? Edward! I'm so sorry! She's alive! We're all here, Edward. All of us. Edward, we're coming. We'll--

My family was here? Sometimes it was extremely inconvenient to have a precog as a sister. How Alice had known I would arrive at this spot, when I had done everything in my power to appear uncaring, random… well, I guess that was the problem: when your mind is like a machine, you cannot act at random. The crux of the problem, of all of it—not a family of bloodthirsty vampires and a single drop of blood sending them into a frenzy… no. It was that I overrode my constant desire to be with my Bella forever, my love for her. Instead, I went with logic. Jacob Black was right; I have no heart.

While I stood there, motionless, contemplating the futility of everything, Alice called Rosalie and spread the word to the rest of the family that I was waiting. They would all be here in a few minutes.

Edward, Edward! Please! I am so sorry. I was just so… so angry with you, that I didn't even…

I muted Rosalie's voice, so that it became a low hum in my peripheral, and pretended I couldn't hear her meaningless apologies. There was no point in understanding her; she was one of the most illogical, self-centered minds on the planet. Whatever reason she had for fabricating Bella's death was irrelevant.

Soon, the rest of them trickled into hearing range, first it Carlisle and Esme, and then Jasper and Alice. They were all thinking the same sort of thoughts, trying to comfort me, clearly. She's alive, she's safe. Edward, we all love you, everything's going to be alright. Of course Bella was alive! What could possibly make them think otherwise? It didn't make any sense. Unless… unless Rose hadn't been lying to me about Bella jumping.

My God! What had I done to her? If I were not already a soulless beast, unworthy even of Hell, I would have begged for damnation at this moment. Then, my last brother entered my range of hearing. Somehow, in this moment of agony, and vulnerability, in the worst and lowest moment of my life… how is it that I could start laughing?

Leave it to Emmett, at a time like this, to be comparing my tortured existence to Forrest Gump. He was so right, though. Running through Brazil wasn't going to change anything, couldn't reverse time, couldn't hide how much of an imbecile I had been. There was nothing left to do, then, but to laugh. To laugh, because I could not cry.

Rosalie came into sight first, and I understood it was so that she could make peace with me. I ignored her, laughing all the harder to drown out her desperate appeals to me. Insane, yes, I was being insane, and it was liberating.

Alice came towards me after a time, and she reached out a hand, putting it gently on my forearm. Her thoughts were focused on her visit to Forks. On Bella's jump, and rescue, and Jacob Black. Images of her beautiful face, so changed from my memory, should have caused me even more pain, but I had gone past the pain threshold. Even the PS Alice had written, breaking the promise I'd forced her to make, just sent me into an even more frenzied bout of hysterics, because what did it matter now? She had moved on, after all… Finally, though, I looked up, and my eyes dug into Alice's little pixie face, searching for comfort I was finally ready to accept. At that instant, her thoughts faltered, and my artificial mirth disappeared, replaced by a rage that not even Jasper could suppress. All those months, wasted!

"What do you mean, Victoria's in Forks?"

My shout was deafening, and before the reverberations had ended, I had spun around, and started running again. Faster than I ever had before, because now I had a goal:

I had to save her… one last time.

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**Thank you so much for taking the time to read this little thing. (-: Feedback, of ANY kind, is much appreciated.**

**THE SEQUEL IS UP!**

**It's called Just One Little Twist, unless I've come up with something better and haven't bothered to update this.**


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